A Peek Inside The Hemispheres…Cue The Violins
Today’s blog carnival hosted by Boss Sanders asks that we post about our self-image, how we perceive ourselves. As an ex “size 1”, dancer, (occasional) model, medical professional, and a woman who could eat a bucket of french fries and not gain an ounce, I 
could throw together a mean list of distorted physical flaws faster than you can say “fat.” However, after becoming a mother, leaving my career, and more recently, shaving the work-at-home title down to stay-at-home, I’m finding that it is no longer my physical flaws that have become distorted, but more my personality.
Motherhood slowly gave my priority list a 180 shift. Over time the usual hiccups in my daily thoughts- what do I wear today? Will so-and-so ever call me back? I need to return that skirt before the 30-day policy runs out- all became lost in the dust. Self-image thoughts that cloud my head appear more like the items below:
1) Your brain is slowly turning to mush, along with your arse.
2) Will your daughter respect you later for giving up your career?
3) Will she perceive you as a lazy housewife, doing nothing but sitting on your hiney all day (like how your own mother feels)?
4) If you ever do decide to return to your career, your mushy brain will leave you doing the work of interns. And the other nurses will eat. you. alive (because they do that sometimes).
5) Now that you have your own child, will you be able to handle the mental stress of seeing other children suffer and pass again?
6) That management position you passed up last year? Don’t pass up things like that again because you are unsure of yourself. Even if it did pay half your salary in California.
7) Why does meeting other moms feel like I’m reliving the dating scene? The awkwardness of approaching a stranger. Getting to know someone. Asking for digits. Seeking compatibility between us, AND our kids. Anticipating a second play date…
8 ) Are you even qualified for ANY job anymore?
9) Why do you allow people’s opinions to affect you as much as they do?
10) Ignore the excuses in your head, and start trying the things you doubt….
11) …like exercising…
12) …and spending money on things for yourself and not only others.
13) Get out more, even if it’s a pain in the ass.
So there you have it, all of the raw, uninhibited truths that eat away at my frontal cortex. I never said it would be pretty.
But just to make things clear. Those physical distortions are still floating around in there. They just don’t’ surface as often as they used to. As I sit here typing up this post in a Starbucks full of young, single 20-somethings,…I’m thinking this push-up bra really is just wishful thinking.
*To those who said these few hours alone while the toddler was in preschool would fly by- You weren’t kidding.
Sandy, I really enjoyed this!
Thank you for sharing!
Today is my last day in the office, from now on I venture into the WAHM realm. I find these same thoughts in my head all the time!
I look to you for inspiration!
Angela’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #5
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:22 am
*lol* No, I wasn’t kidding. But I’m VERY looking forward to the fall when for two days a week I have 2 hours without EITHER kid!! And next spring when that jumps to FIVE days aweek?! Oy.
Unfortunately for me, 2 hours isn’t enough to get me into town and back with any significant shopping time. but I can do the local grocery…and maybe learn what ‘me’ time is again…and cleaning? Now THAT would be novel
And as to your self-image…I feel the same way some days. Although not with the career part, I never had one of those. But there are days I miss waiting tables (I’m sick like that, I LOVED that job…probably because I hated working at the bank so much)
Sarah’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #20 – GIVEAWAY!!!
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:24 am
That was awesome! I love seeing a totally different take on the self-image thing. I constantly wonder if my daughter will respect me, too…in whatever I do. Thanks for letting me get inside your head for a bit. It’s kinda cool to see that some of the thoughts I have….other people have too…
Ashley’s last blog post..Mirror, mirror: The self-image post
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:34 am
I still go back and forth on the career part…when do I sever the ties? And I think your comment about dating (#7 I believe) was spot on – it’s a lot of effort to throw yourself out there like that! When I was out on maternity for 7 months, I remember feeling like a mega loser when mommies that I tried to become friendly with at the park or B&N just weren’t biting. But I always remembered to brush my teeth, put on deo and wear clean(ish) clothes…
My Asian Heritage’s last blog post..Footloose Fourth of July!
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:37 am
this was a great list, sandy. i’m sure that few of us that are doing the carnival even thought to include things like respect. great twist!
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..Rethinking Unthinking
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 am
I keep thinking how great, how fabulous you are and you keep thinking exactly the opposite. Fortunately, it’s MY opinion that counts.
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..100 Word Challenge – hour
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:48 am
mental cobwebs, man. they’re killers!!
jameil’s last blog post..Let’s Just End It Now
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I’m so glad you did this. I can completely relate to your list, having done the whole working mom to stay-at-home mom thing. This one especially – 13) Get out more, even if it’s a pain in the ass.
I do wish that I had done more for myself while I was at home with my kids. I think I would have been happier, and I know they would have been. Make sure you take care of yourself as well as you take care of Babisodes.
Tara R.’s last blog post..Distorted Images
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I’m always questioning whether my choice to work is right, I’ll decide to stay at home, but then convince myself that the baby is better off in daycare… man, it’s a vicious cycle! Thanks for sharing!
Anne’s last blog post..I’m back from the beach
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Sandy, you are gorgeous inside and out, and I think that staying home and raising your child is a bazillion times more important than anything else in the entire world.
How will she perceive you?
You are teaching her that you love her enough and that she is worth it.
Wow.
The rest is just the other stuff, and I bet your mind will still be sharper than you think if you decide to return to the world of working outside the home again someday. You flex your mental muscles when you write here, and I’m sure there are other areas, too.
Loved the collage!
maggies mind’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen 7/3/08 24th Edition
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
If you state it simply, that you gave up your career so you could be there for her, without adding any guilt trip, she will respect you just fine.
Alice Audrey’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #34: More Pictures
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Oh soooo yes to #1, 7, 9, 10, 12 & 13.
I just starting working again (part-time) and it’s kinda intimidating. I’ve only been out a year but I find myself thinking “am I still good at this? does this totally suck? am I still current?” Pretty sure I had thought this way every now and again while I was still full time though so at least I’m consistent.
And you can eat a whole bucket of fries without gaining an ounce? waaaaaaah!!
skiplovey’s last blog post..Proof that my son is just like his dad
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I think you hit it square on…especially about the mush stuff. My freelancing gig allows me the occasional interview with drs. and nurses and I always hope my mommy-mush-brain spits out the right words when I need it. Hahaha. What else can we do but laugh?
Clare Frederick’s last blog post..Money, Money, Money
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
1) You are giving your brain too much credit and its not fair to your arse to compare it to the 15 year old version of itself.
Too easy…no comment.
2) Not after she hangs out with me.
3) No she will think that is normal…until she is 16
4) Even if you returned on top of your game you will still get crap from the other nurses for being skinnier than them.
5) That one is rough, I don’t know how you handled that to begin with.
6) Unsure of yourself? Convenient how you didn’t mention that and give me the opportunity to talk you into it.
7) HAHA dating scene? You have been single about 3 weeks your entire adult life =)
9) Likes the attention.
10) Been telling you that for years
11) Good start today.
12) You know how lucky you are that Dadisodes encourages this?
13) OMFG that’s great but I’ll believe it when I see it =)
Before anyone that doesn’t know me jumps down my throat for messing with Momisodes, shes used to it. Ive known her for 15 years and it would feel disingenuous to not be making fun of her.
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Love your self portraits!!
Nola’s last blog post..Why I Knit, Part II
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Ooh, #1 and #8 really get to me too.
And thanks for reminding me to buy some new bras.
Holly’s last blog post..Tell me what to do this weekend
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Don’t listen to Buddisode – he’s obviously deranged. Do listen to Lou – he’s right.
Eve’s last blog post..13 Things for Which I Am Grateful
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:15 pm
LOVE the photos. I think your list is great… I totally hear you on #8. There is always someone younger who will do your work for less… That is so depressing. Few companies regard loyalty anymore.
Miss’s last blog post..Cluster*bleep*
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I think every woman has similar feelings at different times in her life. The important thing is to get through it the best you can, and you will come out stronger on the other side.
Hugs
Big Hair Envy’s last blog post..Glory Days – Episode One: The Camaro
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I hadn’t ever thought of seeking other moms out for play dates for children as dating again. Interesting thought. Happy TT!
JazzRasp’s last blog post..Thirteen Summer Safety Tips
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Oh, my God, you’re in my head!
Fabulous post!
Mama Zen’s last blog post..How To Shirk Responsibility And Avoid Social Obligations
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
But, even with it flying by, aren’t you sorta enjoying the slow pace? Isn’t it helping you be a better wife and parent to take a breather?
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Sealed with a Kiss
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
wow. this is an excellent list.
and yeah, just wait till entire YEARS fly by…..
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Random acts of blondness, part the fourth
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Wonderful collage! I’m still working on figuring out how to do the difference sizes myself, but I’m getting closer. Interesting peek inside your mind today! How fun that you took your laptop to Starbucks. That’s something I’ve never done, but may do once I get a ‘carrier’ for my new machine. I guess I should think about adding a copyright to my photos the way you have now that I actually know how it’s done ;–)
Hugs and blessings,
storyteller’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #31 – 13 Really Good Things
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:14 pm
it does fly by.
now
you wishing for (please to read in my Toddler’s voice)
MORE PLEEEEEEEEEASE?
yet?
MizFit
MizFit’s last blog post..The stank is gone! The stank is gone!!
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Wow! What a post! Very thought provoking.
I must say that you are stunning, talented, funny, intelligent, and an all around cool person (and fantastic Mom)!
Chrissy’s last blog post..Baby’s First Photo
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:38 pm
oh Sandy, this was so honest…I agree about meeting the other mommies thing, that’s why I’m making friends online because in real life….arrrghhh meeoowww
You’ll be fine if you go back to work…it’s a matter of time and your daughter will respect you for being with her when she needed you most.
Jojo’s last blog post..Stay safe, baby
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I’m sure my wife went through the same things when she stayed home with the rugrats.
If we have to go through the same thing again, I would have been more attentive and encouraging. Thank God she’s a strong woman and that she’s carzy in love with me…LOL
Listen, your intelligence and your self-worth don’t go away just becuase you decided to stay home.
You’ll be fine once you decide to shift gear again…PEACE OUT!
chris’s last blog post..13 Questions For America
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I love 10-13 items! There you have it!
Have fun…I’m so proud of you…I have always believe motherhood is the best career any woman can have…at the height of my professional career right now…I fear I may not be able to go through what you have! And God know how that rattles my brains…I would gladly give up all that I have just to be a mother!!!
And every time I come here…I feel like you are walking me through it…helping me visualize my future…I couldn’t thank you enough for that!
(((HUGS)))
Mariposa’s last blog post..Silently Waiting…
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Great post Sandy, as always!!
jen’s last blog post..Enough of the Headaches: Ebay and Craigslist
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:32 pm
1. 55 year old brain is mush. The good news…I am old enough to forget that fact.
2. Everybody is happy I gave up my career. They just wish I would remember I gave up my career.
3. I am going to resolve to become a lazy housewife and try to sit on my fat butt. Sigh…is there such a thing a a lazy housewife? This will never happen. I work harder at home.
4. I did return to work…fool! Did learn a whole new job. Brain was sluggish for awhile but did click in, not before getting yelled at a couple of times. You are starting out with a better brain than me so you can do it when you are ready to go back to work.
5. I don’t know. That will be hard. Maybe go back and do geriatrics.
6. Don’t pass up anything just because you are unsure of yourself. It is not a good reason.
7. Meeting new moms is a dating scene.
8. Totally qualified. More qualified than before.
9. Everybody is like that. Why? If you ever find out let me know.
10. Good advise
11.Yup. I will start tomorrow
12. Yup.
13. Yup.
Christine’s last blog post..Fair Weather
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:43 pm
So true about meeting moms reminiscent of the dating scene. I don’t know why it’s like that. I find myself gravitating towards those who also work. But then, there’s no opportunity to get to know them because you only meet them during the occasional meeting at school.
The stay at home moms are, of course, very close because they see each other every day in school.
Menchie’s last blog post..Heard in the car today
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:05 pm
This really hit home for me. So many doubts, when we should be our own biggest cheerleader.
I try to talk myself into #13 all the time. It’s just so easy to stay at home. And there’s not all the blow-drying of the hair to worry about.
Jennifer H’s last blog post..In the mood to nosh
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Sandy.. this was really a great TT. I couldn’t do it. I just can’t put it on paper sometimes ..number 9 and number 12. hit home. wayyyyy to close..
loved this.
Kim’s last blog post..Fart Rating System
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Having been home on summer break for three weeks, I can vouch for “getting out more.” Ennui has set in, and I am definitely going to do something a little more productive next week.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, and enjoy your “me” time while Babisodes is at school.
cajunvegan’s last blog post..PMS = Promoting More Smiles (TT 52)
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Very cool collage!
That playdate comment hits home! I’m more of a one-junglegym-stand kinda guy.
BusyDad’s last blog post..Rollin’ on tha Eastside… the Far Eastside
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I enjoyed your list alot. Thank you for sharing…..
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 pm
hi, what you said is so informative
Hazel’s last blog post..Look After A Baby?
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Okay, this list was written by me… except I’m not an ex-nurse, and I’m nowhere near as beautiful as you are
.
Don’t worry, you’ll hit your rhythm with this SAHM thing; don’t beat yourself up over it. I find myself going in phases, and when work comes by here and there, it’s certainly a confidence boost, but it also reminds me that I made the absolute right decision to stay home with the kiddies at this time in their lives/ my life.
Despite what my mom thinks LOL!
Karen MEG’s last blog post..HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!!
July 4th, 2008 at 12:37 am
You can always go back and get a career again, but you can never get back the years you would have missed if you worked when your baby was little.
Karen’s last blog post..Oh, Starbucks, How Do I Love Thee?
July 4th, 2008 at 8:45 am
GREAT post
mp’s last blog post..I’M NOT HERE ANYMORE
July 4th, 2008 at 9:09 am
A big ditto to #5 and all the work-related ones! Oh, and to the push-up bra thing too!! LOL!!!
Karen of Sillymonkeez’s last blog post..Goodbye To Our Beloved Companion
July 4th, 2008 at 10:29 am
I think a lot of women go through each and every one of those thoughts when they’re staying at home. OTOH, we’d probably replace those thoughts with other insecurities in other settings, so you know… it’s just… there.
Let go and enjoy!
Jen of a2eatwrite’s last blog post..What’s Cooking Wednesday – Jen’s Rockin’ Summer Vegetable Soup
July 4th, 2008 at 11:24 am
LIFE flies by sweet. At least at your YOUNG age you are smart enough to pay attention to it while it does. You are growing and maturing more than you realise. And your doing one HELL of a great job of it;o) You’ll do JUST fine in the years to come.
July 4th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
You were so brutally honest where others would have shrunk and faded. Kudos to you for opening up and exposing that vulnerability most of us would rather hide away in a secret place away from prying eyes.
(I love people watching too!)
Siobhan’s last blog post..Photo Hunt: Pointed
July 5th, 2008 at 3:51 am
Momisodes, you put the truths down so honestly.
louann’s last blog post..July Five…Years Ago
July 5th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Let me ask you this, do people sit in starbucks and work on their laptops, because it is a nice environment, or the table is ergonomic friendly, you don’t have wireless at home or is it for a reason unknown?
Nabeel’s last blog post..Watermelon Boats … a Summer Sweetness
July 6th, 2008 at 1:05 am
I am so glad that I am not the only one who feels like making mom friends puts me back to a totally awkward teenager including blind mom dates etc…
I love your collage.
Yertle’s last blog post..Unconscious Mutterings #9
July 7th, 2008 at 5:05 pm