Birthday Karma
There’s an old saying, “What comes around goes around.” And for those who believe in it, there is karma.
Karma- “…Through the law of karma, the effects of all deeds actively create past, present, and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one’s own life, and the pain and joy it brings to him/her and others.”
I would like to set the stage for Dadisode’s birthday today. Thanks to some dedicated reader suggestions to my Friday Haiku, I would like to repost a portion from my own birthday aftermath last year to kick things off.
Originally posted: November 9th, 2007
I’m married, to a guy. One raised on an island inhabited by an isolated species of humans all missing a section of gray matter from their brains; a section directly responsible for the intuitiveness of gift giving. Strangely enough, the island’s population is predominantly men. But clearly, my husband reigns supreme in this land of inconsideration.
Yesterday was my 30th birthday. Perhaps not as commemorative as a 1st, 15th or 21st birthday, but it was at least a milestone. And in today’s aftermath, I have absolutely no gift from a certain mister to speak of. Please don’t think of me as a spoiled little brat. There is more to this post, I promise. But seriously,… nothing?
This lack of acknowledgement uprooted a past incident that left me spitting venom for weeks. Last Christmas, we had just finished moving from California to Massachusetts. In only a few short weeks, I braved the new bitterly cold and unfamiliar surroundings with a toddler to find a thoughtful gift for my husband. So it was to my dismay when I opened my stocking to find this…
Yes boys and girls. That is exactly what you think it is. It really does say “p-s-i.” I took a personal photo just for this post. See? It’s blurry and everything. For those fortunate enough to have never seen one of these before (New Yorkers?), it’s A TIRE PRESSURE GAUGE! Because nothing gives us ladies the warm fuzzies like a $5 trinket from the local gas station…for CHRISTMAS!
So my new mission online is to educate everyone afflicted with this debilitating gift giving deficiency. If I can prevent one woman from receiving a disappointing gift, then my suffering would not have been in vain.
What Not to Give Your Wife as a Gift (stupid simple)
1) Car accessories- Tire pressure gauge. Any kind of gauge, even if it’s not for a car. Tires (no matter how expensive they are). Windshield wipers. A Carburetor. Car battery. Car air freshener…heck, if you are not handing over a set of keys to a brand new car, then go back to the drawing board.
2) Tools- anything from Craftsman, Home Depot, Lowe’s, and other fine stores listed within this section of the yellow pages. *Exclusion- If the store visit results in a dozen handymen coming to your house to remodel something themselves (without your help).
3) Subscriptions- to anything.
4) Clothes- you will surely screw this up. So don’t bother. And this includes the subcategory of socks and hosiery.
5) Shoes- see answer to #4
6) Kitchenware- this can be dubious. Unless given EXACT specifications for high-end cookware or appliances, you may want to reconsider. Unexpected frying pans and toasters can have explosive effects if given by surprise. Kitchen knives? If you don’t know, then you deserve the consequences.
7) Furniture- again, see answer to #4
8. Electronics- if you know other men that have it, then your wife doesn’t want it. Especially if it’s big.
9) Nothing- Last but not least. Never, ever give your wife nothing. Even if she asks for nothing. Unless you want nothing to do with sex for the rest of your marriage, don’t give her nothing.
Today- May 5th, 2008
Words of wisdom?
Karma?
Call it what you want, but today a special someone will be receiving this as a gift from yours truly…
Some of you men suggested I give him something else. Maybe I will…
Maybe.
LMAO!! Karma indeed! I should find one of those for Father’s day for hubby!
Sadie’s last blog post..Weekly Winners 5/4/08
May 5th, 2008 at 1:05 am
Oh, karma can be a wicked thing . . .
I have to ask. Is he in charge of buying your Mother’s Day gift???
LaskiGal’s last blog post..Just a Mom?
May 5th, 2008 at 1:19 am
LOL!!! I am sure Dadisodes will find immense pleasure with Mr Krazy Glue Pen! Happy Birthday!!
LB’s last blog post..Heart 2 Heart Hug 2 Hug
May 5th, 2008 at 1:33 am
Sadie- LOL! It is a “useful” gift
LaskiGal- Ummmmmm,….yes he is
However, judging from the Tire pressure guage and the gift of NOTHING, I don’t feel like I’m setting myself up anymore.
LB- hehe, I hope he does! If not, I have a few things that need some gluing
May 5th, 2008 at 1:50 am
I so would have given him an old tube sock and some Vasoline. Just sayin’.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..Should I Stay or Should I Go?
May 5th, 2008 at 3:41 am
hahaha.. Sandy, Happy belated birthday!! Your birthday was 8 Nov then? Just like my best friend’s birthday! hehehe… but he is a man.. so he would love to get that pressure gauge.. LOL
May 5th, 2008 at 3:42 am
ROFL…karma it is!
But honestly, I love it when I get car accessories! I love it when I get stuff only men use…LOL I’m crazy I know! And the other weird thing…drum rolling…Yummy has bought me several shoes and some bags and well blouses…dresses…they seem to fit and I use them, they’re FINE. Hmmm….makes me think now! LOL I usually go shopping with him so he gets to see what I love…and he just have to pick the smallest size!
Mariposa’s last blog post..First Monday of May!
May 5th, 2008 at 4:00 am
How about giving him a box of feminine hygiene products? That would be nice and “appropriate”…
Solomon’s last blog post..Kathy tagged me for a meme, so here goes…
May 5th, 2008 at 4:01 am
I just fell in love with you that little bit more.
Tell him to stick it where the sun don’t shine.
My husband WAS the same. I say WAS because since I started blogging (so we have had Christmas, Valentines and my birthday since then) I have got AWESOME gifts cause he knows that the internets will hear all about it!
Can’t wait till Sunday… wonder what I will get for Mothers day?
Kelley’s last blog post..Take me drinking with you. I mean, to BlogHer.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:06 am
*Cheer!!!* Well done honey
Last year my hubby bought me a game for him. I kid you not! I was VERY unimpressed and hormonal (3 months pregnant!), and he just didn’t get WHY I was so sad!
Same as Kelley though – since I’ve started blogging my gifts have ben much better
Marylin’s last blog post..Weekly Winners #19
May 5th, 2008 at 4:46 am
Maybe if he is suitably grateful for said present then you can give him the other thing.
@ Mr Lady, vaseline? DUDE! KY is so much better and it washes out too.
Veronica’s last blog post..Little Ray of Sunshine.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:16 am
Muah – I didn’t know the Christmas and birthday part.
So I say, this is the perfect gift for him, screw my suggestion
May 5th, 2008 at 8:09 am
Having been born on a nearby island myself, where we’ve suffered a similar malady, although not as extreme in its manifestation, I ain’t sayin’ nuthin’.
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..feeling a little guilty
May 5th, 2008 at 8:54 am
I can’t wait to read about his reaction. If he’s like other men though, he probably won’t even remembering giving you that tire gauge for Christmas and not having anything for you on your birthday. Does that part of the brain control selective memory too? LOL!!!
Let us know how it goes over.
Karen of Sillymonkeez’s last blog post..Alphabet Photos (Letter E)
May 5th, 2008 at 9:17 am
I LAUGHED OUT LOUD. Then, I read it aloud to my husband. My husband has been experiencing karma for quite many years.
First year’s Christmas present: Kitchen. Everything kitchen. I mean EVERYTHING KITCHEN. Think frying pans. Think plastic bowls. I was 20. I was MAD.
One year I got a camera. I wasn’t asking for a camera. He even took out the rolls of film and wrapped them up individually. He thought that was “funny.” I quit unwrapping presents when I realized EVERYTHING WAS CAMERA RELATED….
Then he will go the other direction. I asked for a brown watch years ago. A specific kind of watch. He got it in black. Then told me it was brown. Uh huh…. Then he proceeded to get me two more BLACK watches over the next year. Even my children were like… “DAD!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” Of course, that would be the only gift… just more black watches. Oh.. my… I could just go ON! lolol
Beth from The Funny Farm’s last blog post..Last Day To Enter The Contest!
May 5th, 2008 at 9:52 am
That is absolutely hilarious!!!! Great post…guys really need a manual on gift-giving. After couple of years of “karma’s a $%$^#” my hubs has started asking me on specifics of what i want. For mom’s day I said nothing…so we’ll see what he comes up with. HE BETTER…..it’ my first mother’s day. I think your present is a perfect reminder of how he messed up with the tire gauge..hahaa
Jojo’s last blog post..Grassy weekend
May 5th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Hey I got #9 for mothers day and my birthday. Get him the glue….(evil laughing follows)
Suzie’s last blog post..My Dog has an Ear Infection
May 5th, 2008 at 10:57 am
LOL !! love it!!
You could say that you are Krazy In-Love with him and want to “stick” with him FOR-evah! And, that is why you got him Krazy Glue!! lol lol
I hope you guys have a great night out, even though it is hubby’s birthday you deserve some time “off” too! Relax, enjoy and take your camera!!
have a good day with your parents too!
xoxoxox’s Jenn
Jennifer’s last blog post..I love you…
May 5th, 2008 at 10:57 am
OMG, I think he’d be getting MY foot up his ass for his birthday!
I can’t wait to read about his reaction to the Krazy Glue!
cyndy’s last blog post..Fresh Ink
May 5th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Oh my goodness! You all crack. me. up with your replies! And for those who shared your own tragic gift giving stories…..thank you. We should start our support group called “C.R.A.P”- Crap Received As Presents!!!
May 5th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Oh, Sandy, I so agree with you on that list. Karma? LOL, maybe. Happy birthday to Dadisodes.
Jo-N’s last blog post..Thank You For Your Suggestions
May 5th, 2008 at 11:37 am
hilarious! i had an ex who actually wrapped up my own coat (which i’d left and forgotten about at his house) for christmas & gave it to me as a present! ugh!
May 5th, 2008 at 11:40 am
OMG!!! tire pressure gauge!!!!??? haha!! a glue!!!!????
cant wait to know what he says!!!
a lesson to be taught? perhaps mother’s day or ur birthday, u will get something good and none of the lists!!
wen’s last blog post..Dot To Dot
May 5th, 2008 at 11:47 am
i started my own contest today based on your post.
http://www.shebecameabutterfly.net/?p=412
feel free to enter & pass it on.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:48 am
ROFL!!! I love this post! Too funny Sandy! You HAVE to update us with his response!!! At least you didn’t get what I got on my 30th birthday….My husband (back then) told me he had been cheating on me…Yeah, wasn’t a good birthday, to say the least;o) Have a good day sweet!
May 5th, 2008 at 11:59 am
You never fail to ‘entertain’ with your cleverly conceived ‘life anecdotes’ … lessons … etc. I can hardly wait to read the next ‘episode’ in this particular ‘karmic birthday adventure’ with you and Dadisodes ;–)
Hugs and blessings,
storyteller’s last blog post..Fun Monday #5 – A Hero in My Life
May 5th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Hilarious! Can’t wait to hear how he liked his present!
SherE1’s last blog post..Not so fit this Friday
May 5th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
OMG! That is funny. Can’t wait to hear what his reaction is!
Jeanne’s last blog post..Resetting The Settings
May 5th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
LOL. That’s awesome! What a clever idea!
My boyfriend has always been really good at giving gifts, but I know nothing of married life. So this is a good lesson for me if I ever encounter this situation.
Linda’s last blog post..Naomi Watts is the New Spokeswoman for Thierry Mugler’s Angel
May 5th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
That is funny..I hope..him being a man and all..that he GETS it.
Personally though, I like subscriptions…that is something I wouldn’t do for myself..I got one for the Ophrah magazine and loved it..it ran out and I never reupped it..
mp’s last blog post..DAY 5 – Assume the position
May 5th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Love it.
I recieved two bottles of exfoliant one year. Granted, it was my favorite stuff from Origins, but it was kind of anti-climactic. I had to give him props though, it was more thoughtful than the usual gift of nothing-at-all.
Natalie’s last blog post..Huh?
May 5th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
omgoodness!! get it together! lol. both of y’all! and i love that the gauge came up again. is this gonna come up forever? lol. i know he’s hoping to live it down!
jameil1922’s last blog post..A Dead Horse
May 5th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
You didn’t leave them with very many choices
Miss Grace’s last blog post..Books I’ve read in the past month, with short reviews
May 5th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I am laughing out loud over here.. that is hysterical.. and I was not reading you when you got a PSI.. hahahaha.. too funny.. thanks for posting because it was a good laugh.
Kim’s last blog post..Sunday Snap Shots
May 5th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I relly enjoyed the posting.thanks for shareing.
mike golch’s last blog post..google reader,blogger
May 5th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
LMAO!!! I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he opens the packaging
Jenty’s last blog post..Weekly Winners #16
May 5th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Men suck. My anniversary present last week? A box of Godiva. And, I’m on a diet. They are so dense. Good luck. He deserves nothing. Well, maybe you faking a headache tonight…..
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Burgh Sucks Like a Dyson in Texas
May 5th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
I think that is a delightful present…so long as it’s not for me. Haha! You can always add the underwear dance…especially if you want a present too (just make sure you ask for the new car or whatever DURING the dance). lol
Ashley’s last blog post..Several things…all rolled into one lumpy post!
May 5th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Oh, that’s funny. Can’t wait to hear the rest of the story!
Jennifer H’s last blog post..First steps
May 5th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
O.K…..this is what you do! Get yourself a present and wrap it all pretty and wrap his glue in brown paper or tie it up in a grocery bag with ribbon. If this doesn’t smarten him up and you don’t get anything nice for mothers day you can always regift the tire gauge to Daddisoides on fathers day. My strategies work. I always get nice gifts now but I have had 34 years to get him trained. LOL
Christine’s last blog post..A Hard Days Work
May 5th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
That’s so funny. I might have gone for Rogaine.
Tasina’s last blog post..My first office
May 5th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Haha! I once gave Phil a scythe for Christmas. You know, one of those long blades on a long, curved handle that is used for cutting down wheat and such? Yeah. I have no idea why I did that, but we ended up shacking up together not long after.
I never thought of super glue, though.
imaginary binky’s last blog post..Things I don’t want to do
May 5th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Wow, I had no idea my BIL had remarried. He was famous for gas station gifts. My husband does pretty well, bless his heart. The worst gift he ever got me was a Palm Pilot but he bought it in my favorite color so it all evened out.
janethesane’s last blog post..Monday Monday – Weekend Recap
May 5th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
I think it was a fantastic gift for him.
Amanda’s last blog post..And Then, We Ran Like Hell
May 5th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
At least I know who to call if my tire springs a leak! Teehee!
Nola’s last blog post..Oh, How Fortuna’s Wheel has Been Turning
May 5th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Ok – this is just hilarious.
For my first anniversary – my husband gave me a cheap-ass plastic coupon holder. FOR A FIRST ANNIVERSARY!!!! I spent hundreds of dollars, printed out “This day in history” fliers and all of his coworkers were giving him these little slips of paper listing out historical facts of the day. I filled his car with balloons, etc, etc, etc. While I WAY over did it – he had completely forgotten and stopped by Long’s Drugs on the way home and picked up a coupon holder (didn’t even get a card.) Ugh… A few months later – for Christmas, he did his entire Christmas shopping for me at the Intel onsite store – I got Intel lanyards, an Intel shirt, and an Intel coffee mug. No joke. (we both worked at Intel – but pul-ease)
Now – I make a very detailed list of what I want. I send him LINKS OF THE EXACT items I want. Tell him the shipping timelines and he will pick from my list of desires. He still sometimes surprises me (sometimes even successfully) but he also always now gives me something that I really want to.
It’s just what happens when you’re married to a computer nerd. They need explicit instructions. Trust me – if you tell him EXACTLY what you want – it will make you both happier.
Hecticmom Undone’s last blog post..Things to do before I die
May 5th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Dude, I shop Ann Taylor like no ones business. I actually take pride in shopping for my wife. I love getting her awesome stuff. She’s awesome and thusly deserves it. That is too funny, tire gauge? Really? Karma is a bummer for sure. He should of went with the diamond earrings. Dummy.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:02 am
This would be the perfect time to tell you:
a) I love you Sandy
b) Insert “bless his heart” comment here.
This is awesome! Let me know how it goes over.
Grandy’s last blog post..Pennies from heaven my A$$
May 6th, 2008 at 12:30 am
I love this. Sad I didn’t think of it first. But as far as my hubby knows, I did. I just won’t blog about it
Nothing, is the present of his choosing, always. I have a birthday coming up so we’ll see.
Cassey’s last blog post..Why Party When You Can Watch Others Party?
May 6th, 2008 at 12:46 am
My hubby usually got me something I wanted – just not the right something. One Christmas I really needed some new outfits. He got me a pretty pink outfit in a size 50. I showed him some rings I liked and told him I don’t really care for turquoise but I really, really liked the others. He got me a ring with a turquoise setting. He always tried really hard, but just never got it quite right.
Eve’s last blog post..Unconcious Mutterings 5/4/08
May 6th, 2008 at 12:52 am
LOL! I had read the first post before, but I love how you describe this, and I hope your special species born on that island and missing a piece in his grey matter will have fun withe the crazy glue pen! I hope it sticks the two of you together for ever!
Jientje’s last blog post..Fun Monday My hero
May 6th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Ok, must remember to get wifey something for her birthday this year, unless of course I wanna be celibate for the rest of my life that is … LOL!
This was a uber hilarious post … LOL!
Nick Phillips’s last blog post..The Diet. Part II.
May 6th, 2008 at 4:47 am
Oh, Sandy, I can so comMISERate. Not that my husband is a miser – it’s more the miserable feeling I get when he forgets/doesn’t get something once again. I think my DH is from the same idiot island.
Huge hugs. And, uh, why’d you get him the glue? He could have got his own darned glue.
Jen of a2eatwrite’s last blog post..Music Monday – “Future’s So Bright” – Timbuk 3
May 6th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Krazy Glue … what sticks on me, sticks on you!
It’s all about to love.
Bonnie’s last blog post..hitchiker
May 6th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
ROFL!!! That’s awesome!!!
And if for some reason, he says “Oh, this is great!” then you have full permission to glue his lips together.
Annie’s last blog post..Resolution…kind of.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
[...] « Birthday Karma [...]
May 6th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
YOU RULE. I thought you couldn’t beat a tire pressure gauge. But you did.
BusyDad’s last blog post..Love Hurts
May 6th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
HAHA!! I did a post on this a little bit ago as well. Men! Sheesh! Yes, karma is a b$#*@!
Happy 30th Birthday!!!!
And if it makes you feel any better I spent my 30th birthday catching my boys’ vomit in a mixing bowl. Fun!
Kathryn’s last blog post..The Great Baby Debate
May 6th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Nice, very nice
Maggie’s Mind’s last blog post..The Annual Wallow
May 6th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Maybe, two weeks prior to your birthday, you could give him a top-ten list of things you want and remind him of the proper etiquette… maybe get him the phone number of a flower store you like, and tell him which stores have gift certificates… I know it’s doing more work, but maybe with practice he wouldn’t need reminding…!
Aurora’s last blog post..Umbrella
May 8th, 2008 at 12:00 am
[...] been a busy week! Some of you mentioned that Dadisode must have read my birthday karma post before he received his Krazy Glue. After speaking with him last night, I can assure you that [...]
May 8th, 2008 at 12:43 am
[...] Holidays gone bad from bogus gifts or lack of. Tire pressure gauge? [...]
May 16th, 2008 at 1:17 am
[...] 13) “Wife’s birthday husband gave nothing” – AHA! Now this, This, THIS I know! Please click here if you’re the spouse that should be in hiding or the poor recipient of [...]
June 26th, 2008 at 11:48 am
[...] for my 30th birthday.” Sweetheart, you DID find the right place. And I do hope you found this post. Trust me. Karma is a bitch, and you have 100% control over [...]
October 14th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Wow, I’m no longer alone! There’s even a support group!
The most memorable gift my ex-husband gave me was a knife sharpener that involved two long sticks of ceramic that you inserted into a piece of wood. He loved it. That subset of men with the missing gray matter — it’s really hard to figure out what they’re thinking. Although in this case I guess he was thinking, “I really want this.”
After a few of these incidents, I gave him a list of ten things to pick from for my Christmas present. He chose to ignore the list and buy me sexy lingerie I didn’t like. Again, a present for him.
On the other hand, my Dad once gave my mother a set of garbage cans.
Dot’s last blog post..Weeping Willow
October 14th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
[...] Another reason for the holiday funk? Dadisodes’ Christmas gift I ordered online may not arrive before Thursday. It’s nothing big. Gifts are really not a big deal this year, especially due to our recent job loss. BUT….it is an awesome gift. Rivaling those I received from Christmas past. You know, like the infamous tire pressure gauge? [...]
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:51 pm
[...] Dadisodes receive his payback [...]
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:33 pm