Fly away home again
I still remember my first patient. I’ll call her Marjorie. I was a senior in nursing school and the registered nurse I shadowed assigned me to her regularly.
It was around this time that nursing students began focusing on an area of specialty. Without a doubt, I already knew what areas interested me: geriatrics and neonatology. Not sure why, but I found the polar ends of the spectrum fascinating. And after meeting Marjorie, I discovered part of the reason why.
The routine was same every morning inside the assisted living facility. I gave her a warm greeting at her door. Performed a quick run through check of her heart and lung sounds, and took her blood pressure. And by then she would already begin to run her thin, frail fingers through her silver hair and ask, “Can you wash my hair? My son is coming to visit me today.”
“Of course.” I replied.
I always happily obliged. Marjorie was a tiny, sweet 87-year old woman who, although she was once a blonde, reminded me so much of my own grandmother. It was something in her smile. Perhaps it was the false teeth. Or quite possibly that no one could ever help but to return a smile back at them.
“Ah, the water feels great,” she said as I rinsed the bubbly shampoo from her hair.
“Make sure you help me pick out something special to wear today, okay?”
After transferring her back into a wheelchair, she pointed out which bra she wanted to wear. I found it funny she always knew which bra she wanted to wear, but never which outfit. Years ago she had a mastectomy on one side, so I had to remember to place her prosthetic breast inside. Surely she felt a little self-conscious while exposed as I helped dress her, so I made it a point to never stare or ask questions. As I hooked the back straps, she would reach over into a drawer to pull out an old photograph.
“That was me,” she’d say proudly. Pointing her finger at the faded, black and white photograph of a slender ballerina. She wore a flowing, pale cupped-sleeved dress. Her face angled to the side so her eyes looked away. She was a gorgeous.
The next hour or so comprised of stories from her past. Continuous stories. Playing in a loop like a CD, with an occasional shuffle. But the stories were always the same, just retold with minor tweaks in the details. Tales from when she was dancing on stage, when she first met her husband, or how beautiful her son was as a baby.
“How about this one?” I cut in, while holding up 1 of 3 outfits hanging in her closet. “You can wear it to lunch.”
“Okay” she said nodding.
Outside of her door was a long hallway that led to the main sitting and dining area. It reeked of urine, and the walkway was riddled with elderly men and women parked in wheelchairs, nearly all of them sleeping. This was the toughest part of the day. Making it down that hall, swallowing deep, and fighting back tears.
“This needs more salt!” She’d proclaim at our table for two.
I couldn’t help but laugh. Everything in this cafeteria needed more salt. Every meat, every vegetable, and maybe even bread in the joint was boiled to death in plain water. Since most of the population had false teeth and/or blood pressure issues, the food was always bland. My guess is that prison cuisine reigned supreme in comparison.
Marjorie looked up at me laughing, and grinned back with boiled green beans between her dentured teeth.
It only lasted a moment, but right then, for a split second, I saw Marjorie. The real Marjorie. A carefree spirit who once danced in the flowing dress, and rocked her newborn son in her arms.
Unfortunately it never lasted. As noon drew near, a look always washed over her face. A blank, emotionless stare. She fell into a flat affect as if someone just turned off a switch.
“Uh, nurse? Hi, can you take me to my room? My son is coming to visit me today, so make sure you help me pick out something special to wear, okay?”
I always wonder if Marjorie is still there in the facility. Part of me hopes not. It took my hopeful heart several visits to figure out that her son never did come to visit her. It would tear me up inside if she were still wandering those depressing halls, just waiting.
It seems too unfair.
So whenever I feel as if I am stuck in life. As though I’ve hit a brick wall. Much like how I’ve felt recently with my infertility. I think of Marjorie, and I am reminded of how fleeting life really is. She reminds me that living life, means living it now, and not in the past.
It was Marjorie that eventually convinced me that geriatrics was not right for me. My heavy heart would never make it. But when I look back, beneath her tough, emotionless shell, lied someone with an intricate and fascinating story…
…and possibly wings.
A ladybug lifespan is roughly 1 year.
We wanted our ladybugs to enjoy every minute and set them free from our habitat.
beautiful.
absolutely beautiful.
melissa’s last blog post..The Long And Winding Road
May 28th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Oh, dear… now I hate what I wrote a few minutes ago.
I’m spending so much time in assisted living-type places these days, and that story rings so true. I hope that I’m not Marjorie some day. I know what I’ve been doing for my mom, but that’s what daughters do, I think.
I’m extremely close to my son, but I can’t imagine that he’ll do for me what I’ve done for her.
Ugh… I’m being maudlin and I’ll shut up now. This was a beautifully written post.
Jen of a2eatwrite’s last blog post..What’s Cooking Wednesday: POM Wonderful: Wonderfully Decadent and Wonderfully Wholesome
May 28th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Oh, Sandy! I just love reading your blog posts. Each one is so beautifully written.
I’m such a sap. This post had me in tears because it was so beautiful.
C’s last blog post..Oh, No! He Proposed!!!
May 28th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
I just love, love, love how you write!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a beautiful story!!!!
Alicia’s last blog post..FRIDAY PHOTO FLASHBACK
May 28th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
That was a very touching story. Thanks for sharing it.
I’m glad you let the ladybugs free too.
Joyce-Anne’s last blog post..A Friday Haiku
May 28th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Yes, thank you for sharing that!
Melissa’s last blog post..Ivan is so advanced!
May 29th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Beautiful written but sad story.
Secret Mom Thoughts’s last blog post..Skywatch Friday
May 29th, 2009 at 6:08 am
It’s 6:15am and I’m crying. Beautiful and so sad.
sheila’s last blog post..Are You There God? It’s me, SheilaA Non-Catholic at Mass
May 29th, 2009 at 6:16 am
That is a beautiful story!
Lauren’s last blog post..Take two and call me in the morning
May 29th, 2009 at 8:42 am
Awesome writing. I couldn’t wait to read the next paragraph. At least Marjorie was finding a way to enjoy life’s small rituals, even if it was for a son who never came.
Reading about her pointing to a picture and saying, “That was me,” I looked at it based on my own experience. Rather than living in the past, which I hope I never do but you never know, I thought how hard it is to look at the face in the mirror, knowing that not long ago a much younger and more attractive face, now only in pictures, was me.
Dot’s last blog post..Auntie Meme
May 29th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Oh Sandy.. you got me all teary eyed.. touching story..
Kim’s last blog post..What the heck? – ISO is your friend
May 29th, 2009 at 9:17 am
I have had a couple of older relatives that spent their last years in places like that. I hated seeing them there. So depressing. Definitely a good reminder to live life to its fullest.
Along these lines, have you read Water for Elephants?
Cara’s last blog post..Land of Monkey Just Doesn’t Have The Same Ring
May 29th, 2009 at 9:45 am
What a beautiful and heartbreaking story. Thanks for sharing.
Emily’s last blog post..PSF – The Powell Beach Experience – Charlie’s Version
May 29th, 2009 at 9:47 am
What a sweet and heartbreaking story at the same time. I got goosebumps.
Krystyn’s last blog post..PSF-The four wheeler
May 29th, 2009 at 10:05 am
What a lovely story!! You are an amazing story teller with such talent.
Amy @ The Q Family’s last blog post..Ready, Set, Go… Animal Kingdom Kids Style
May 29th, 2009 at 10:37 am
What a beautiful story and such a sad one too. I hope her son visited her at least once. That’s the really sad part.
You told the story beautifully, with an important lesson in the end.
I’m glad the ladybugs were set free.
Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..Friday Frustrations – Why you Never Prepay
May 29th, 2009 at 11:03 am
That was a very touching story, thank you for sharing it with us.
“Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home” I’m glad those little things are outside, I bet you’re glad they’re out of the house!
Employee No. 3699’s last blog post..Chain Gang Letters…
May 29th, 2009 at 11:22 am
nurses are awesome! thanks for being their for marjorie even though her son wouldn’t.
jameil’s last blog post..Thursday 13: Mindspacing
May 29th, 2009 at 11:26 am
What a great story! And a great idea to set the ladybugs free. Maybe they’ll stop by and visit.
Cookie’s last blog post..Problem Spots
May 29th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Kindred heart – you made such a difference in her life in the short moments you spent with her. Thanks for the beautiful piece. God bless.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
This was a beautiful story Sandy. The summer after high school, I worked as a CNA in a nursing home. I worked on the unit with Alzheimer’s patients and will never forget one lady, Violet, who would tell me the same story every day. She would get to the exact same point – to the word – and the stop and begin counting to 3 over and over again.
It broke my heart. The men and women who work with those patients day after day and truly care are some of the most awesome people around!
perpstu’s last blog post..Heaving Bosoms, Throbbing Manhoods and Other Things that Make Me Cringe
May 29th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
This is such a beautiful post. My grandma has Alzheimer’s, and I love having those special moments with her in which she talks of her memories, just like Marjorie…
May 29th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Oh girlfriend. This post made me cry. I love and adore old people and I could never ever be a nurse that works with them. I would be crying every single day of my job. I could not take it.
What a beautiful story you have shared with us and ending with that ladybug photo….oh geez. It’s all perfection.
Have a great weekend.
Lee of MWOB’s last blog post..It’s the little things you gotta watch out for
May 29th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Lovely story Sandy. Very great advice. Life is so short and precious we have to just get out there and live. You sound like a great nurse.
Tim’s last blog post..Jon and Kate= ratings!
May 29th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
What a heart touching post. I have tears rolling down my face.
Laura’s last blog post..Country Crooner for CHEO
May 29th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
What a sweet but sad story.
Debbie@Like a Rose’s last blog post..Sky Watch – The Big Muddy
May 29th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
you are so right. we need to embrace living for today and appreciate what we have around us. : )
savvymode’s last blog post..Drooling Over Roger Vivier Heels
May 29th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Wow, who knew. I felt this story right in my heart and adore that photo Sandy.
MamaGeek’s last blog post..O Hugh Jackman, Where Art Thou?
May 29th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Amazing story. You would probably be surprised how your “heavy heart” inspired Marjorie to spread her wings and have hope. Don’t discount the happiness you gave her during your time with her.
Beautiful shot!
Lisa
Lisa’s last blog post..foodie friday – chocolado pudding
May 29th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
I hope, too, that Marjorie has moved on.
It is the sad truth of our current understanding of medicine that we manage to keep the body alive long after the mind is gone.
The Mother’s last blog post..The Divine Mother and Child–NefHxMotherhood
May 29th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Beautifully said. I too do not think I could be strong enough for geriatrics.
CC’s last blog post..Just 18 more days…
May 29th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Amazing post…you do have a way with words my friend!
Cecily R’s last blog post..Photo Story Friday and The Pause Button
May 29th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
This was a beautiful post. I had tears in my eyes.
I love the message and I also try not to dwell on the past. Because you’re right, life goes by fast…
Amber’s last blog post..On Children and disliking Pampered Chef
May 29th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Life does move way too fast. Glad the little ladybugs are set free.
Asianmommy’s last blog post..Friday & Saturday (Mandarin)
May 29th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
This is beautiful. It made me teary.
Kimberly’s last blog post..Presenting: Girl with curls and a crown
May 29th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
This one sure messed up my mascara.
What a beautiful soul you have Sandi to tell this. And of course in your usual way that flows like a river yet stops us with the details, like the green beans in her teeth.
On the lighter side, I sure do relate to a lady who knows her bras!! That made me smile.
Jannie Funster’s last blog post..Jannie CD Give-Away (whoo-hoo!)
May 29th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Great post – I have worked my share of nursing home jobs being a speech pathologist and I too have found young children to be my passion. Lovely post –
It does give you perspective that stays with you!
Elle’s last blog post..Lights…Camera…Action
May 29th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
What a sad and touching story. It also breaks my heart to know tha her son never came to visit her.
ceemee’s last blog post..Canvasses
May 30th, 2009 at 6:06 am
Oh, what a sad and beautiful story. It makes me look forward to being a nurse, and also reminds me that it is going to be very hard at times.
(Also, neonatology is one of my main interests right now.)
May 30th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Beautiful,beautiful post.
And I’m sure Marjorie has made it home.
Beth (A Mom’s Life)’s last blog post..I survived and I think everyone had fun!
May 30th, 2009 at 11:44 am
She reminds me that living life, means living it now, and not in the past.
Yeowch! That cuts close to the bone.
May 30th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
What a beautiful story and there sure is a lot to learn from it. Enjoy every minute of every day. Don’t waste it worrying about tomorrow. If you do that it will ruin today. I have had to learn to live in the now.
Christine’s last blog post..
May 30th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
This was a beautiful piece of writing. You are really talented. It made me smile and then it made my heart ache. Thank you.
Jenners’s last blog post..5 Ways I’d Torture You If I Was The Devil
May 30th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I could never work in a nursing home either. It would be so sad, because I think the majority of these people live their days alone, no one visiting, forgotten.
Very well written.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..Pure Joy
May 30th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
*gulp*
Sharon’s last blog post..ABC & 123’s Summer Prize Picnic
May 31st, 2009 at 12:01 am
Hi, I just discovered your lovely blog through the Q family! Girl, you write very well. No, let me re-state that. Your writing is amazing!!
jen laceda’s last blog post..Israel’s 10 Greatest Hits
May 31st, 2009 at 12:13 am
You are such a sweetheart. I think it takes a lot to be a nurse, and to take care of elderly patients day in and day out takes even more. Both my mother and stepmother are RNs who work in assisted living facilities, and I hear their stories about their patients. They get really attached to some of them.
How did Babisodes do when you set the ladybugs free?
And did you do a little dance?
Holly at Tropic of Mom’s last blog post..Mom reward: Badge of honor
May 31st, 2009 at 12:37 am
You are so, so , special. It’s no wonder I love you so. You are, along with everything else, an amazing writer. And a warm and tender heart. A brilliant combination.
lceel’s last blog post..gone fishin’ …..
May 31st, 2009 at 1:46 am
Ohh that would break my heart. I would not have been able to handle that. I would have been bawling. I was a candy striper at a nursing home while I was in middle school.
Amanda’s last blog post..Final post for May….
May 31st, 2009 at 11:34 am
Your ladybugs will be MUCH happier in the real world! Such a pretty pic. Hang in and do stay positive.
Nola’s last blog post..Happily Ever After
May 31st, 2009 at 12:05 pm
The old stories are so wonderful. My mother-in-law at 75 is only just starting to tell the stories of her youth. Marjorie was lucky to have you as a regular listener.
Daisy’s last blog post..Word Choice: Three word responses
May 31st, 2009 at 12:40 pm
A wonderfully written piece. Another little glimps into you soul, Sandy.
Aren’t you glad God put people like her in your life? I know there are several people who have passed through my life and touched me deeply.
Thanks for sharing.
Patsy’s last blog post..Life Is Full of Adjustments
May 31st, 2009 at 4:36 pm
What a wonderful post!
Have a great week!
June 1st, 2009 at 9:37 am
I bet you were and are a wonderful nurse!
Undercover Princess’s last blog post..Brush Arbor
June 1st, 2009 at 9:40 am
That was very touching. It reminded me of my grandma. She always would take me to the mirror and asked who is that. I felt so sad and in her last days she had no clue who I was. Thanks for a great post!
Felicia – I Complete Me’s last blog post..Get Fit Friday – Pole Dancing
June 1st, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Beautiful post…I almost cried…and it’s 4AM here.
Mariposa’s last blog post..Personal Regimen
June 1st, 2009 at 4:12 pm
OMG Sandy, that was such a wonderful post. It brought tears to my eyes, it really did. It does take very special people to work in geriatrics, people with patience and such heart and compassion. And neonatal care… you are a very special lady and nurse, my dear.
Marjorie was lucky to have been in your care.
(My mother in law had Alzheimer’s and it was heartbreaking. Luckily for her, her children did visit her very regularly.)
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Weekly Winners – Kids in the Distillery
June 1st, 2009 at 8:03 pm
So beautiful, yet heartbreaking. That poor woman. I wish her son had come to visit her. . . makes me want to cry. And it also makes me want to go visit my husband’s grandmother more. . . she’s suffering from Alzheimer’s and mainly sleeps all day.
Lisa (jonnysmommy)’s last blog post..I’m here and then here and uh…here
June 1st, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Wonderfully written…and sad:(
Nap Warden’s last blog post..Proof
June 1st, 2009 at 11:45 pm
So sad, but with a good reminder, too.
Maggie’s Mind’s last blog post..Bitch, You Crazy
June 1st, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Reminds me greatly of a woman who I “cared’ for my first week as a CNA. (Actually into CNA training, which made me apply for my job there.) She was very similar; had “Sun downers” where come supper time she’d suffer greatly from dementia. She always knew she was in a “hospital” (ok, it was a nursing home…) but she was convinced she was visiting her daughter who’d been in a terrible accident. As you walked her to her room; it was always her daughter hospital room. And she’s always tell the story. Broke my heart. But somehow, triggered me inside.
Jac’s last blog post..The dentist would be proud
June 2nd, 2009 at 4:43 pm
beautiful! tears are rolling down my cheek!
living in the present….great story
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:48 am
What a heart touching story, i had a great lesson for all of us, special youngsters to move on with life and enjoy life!
Baby Care’s last blog post..Pregnancy Exercises is a Must
June 4th, 2009 at 3:23 am