In my steps
Twenty years ago I suffered my first bout of stage fright. Well, technically it was not really a stage. Not just yet.
Every week for six months, I looked forward to Thursday nights. Dance class started at 6:30pm in the back room of Joe Michaels dance studio. By 6:20pm, I was already sitting on the dusty parquet floor, always alone. Even before my dance teacher. My palms glistened with sweaty anticipation as I laced up my black, suede jazz shoes.
Every week she taught us eight new counts of choreography. All of it compiled to a full modern/jazz ensemble for an end-of-the-year recital. And every Thursday night, I mastered it.
While most of the other girls in my class were enrolled in three or more dance classes at the studio, Thursday was my only one. My parents worked full-time, and heaven knows how much crap my mother gave me for making her schlep my ass to dance every single Thursday. If an extracurricular activity did not bury my face inside of a book, it was useless.
But I loved it. Even if it was a mere 30 minutes a week, I relished every aspect of dancing. The musty smell of dust and leather shoes, the empty space with walls full of mirrors. It was the only place I saw when my eyes were closed.
And every night, I practiced.
While laying in bed, every count, each intricate movement played in my head. In front of my 6-drawer dresser, on the brown shag rug in my bedroom, I marked my steps. Repeating them over and over, until the music and movement permanently meshed and became a part of me.
By the end of the school year, I was more than ready to perform. As an added bonus, I received my purple and gold sequined costume weeks before the actual show. I could hardly sleep after trying it on every night.
One week before the actual show the studio held a dress rehearsal. A practice run of every class’ performance in the recital show. Only, the run through took place inside the studio and not on the actual stage.
They used the front room of the studio. Every mirror was covered in bed sheets and blankets so dancers could not rely on their reflections to dance. Each class lined up in the order of the show’s program. Mine was midway through.
Of the twelve girls in my class, I was the only one lined up.
No one else showed.
My cheeks burned with tears, and the purple satin darkened on my sleeves. When my class’ number finally came up, I glanced over at the wall of dance instructors sitting in chairs, and other dancers staring at my solitude. I turned around and tried to find my way to the door. But my teacher quickly ran to my side and whispered, “Don’t worry, Sandy. I will dance with you. You’ll do just fine without them.”
My knees began to buckle, and my stomach rose somewhere around my throat. I had no choice. I had to do it. Trembling through bloodshot eyes, I danced through the dress rehearsal, and on stage the following week, just as I always envisioned while lying in bed.
My dance teacher’s sister, Mia Michaels, was so impressed that she pulled me aside to personally invite me to her advanced class in the studio’s front room. I could barely make out a reply. I just nodded and smiled.
I never did make it to her class. It required two classes per week, and a higher tuition rate. My parents would have killed me, or spouted something in Chinese along the lines of, “Why don’t we just flush our money down the toilet?”
It was an honor nonetheless. Not only to be considered for her class, but to also, for a moment… have center stage.
Something tells me it might be hereditary, minus the stage fright. And I could not be more proud.
Babisodes’ First Ballet Recital (Ending Solo)
Ballet Recital Solo from Momisodes on Vimeo.
(Sorry for the low-quality clip. The audience was not supposed to film anything, and I nabbed this with my small digital camera on the DL.)
i was a ballet dancer. i lived and breathed ballet. but the recitals. omg.
but i gotta tell you, this post reminded me…my first ballet recital. the dance teacher told us specifically NOT to look for our parents in the audience. and to NOT wave to them if we saw them. and i did both. and i remember the entire audience laughing!!
she was adorable. and perfect!! enjoy your little dancer!
melissa’s last blog post..To My Children. Here, Let Me Mark The Spot For You To Kiss
May 18th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
So sweet!!!! She’s a natural!!
Dejoni’s last blog post..Why I’m so much fun
May 18th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
She is so great! I love it.
And this is funny. I wrote about my daughter’s upcoming recital today. Something tells me we are having very different recital experiences.
Kimberly’s last blog post..Dance (or don’t). It’s all the same to me.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Mia Michaels! That is SO COOL! Love the video clip. Warmed my heart!
Sharon’s last blog post..You’ll thank me for not posting a pic!
May 18th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
awww! yay! too cute!
May 18th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Little girls and dance classes.. . I wonder if its all a part of preparation for life?
Brenda’s last blog post..Southwest Pasta Salad/TMTT
May 19th, 2009 at 12:31 am
That story broke my heart a little.
And Babisodes finished me off.
May 19th, 2009 at 3:08 am
Aww..Sandy!! I bet you were just beaming w/ pride seeing your daughter up there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a cutie she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alicia’s last blog post..I HEART FACES-WEEK 19
May 19th, 2009 at 4:05 am
Oh what a little sweety! Such a shame you weren’t able to join the extra class.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:18 am
She is adorable! I look forward to when my daughter is old enough for dance. I was a gymnast. I loved it! But the meets killed me. Every meet, four events, SOLO. And worse…being judged on EVERY LITTLE THING. Leg’s not stright? Tenth of a point! Toes aren’t pointed? Another tenth! And heaven forbid you forget a move! It’s harsh.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Oh Sandy.. this story was beautiful.. and you were so full of courage at such a young age.. Babisodes is sooo beautiful.. yippee for her solo..
May 19th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Wonderful story. The memory of getting that chance to dance center stage — even though it was very scary is awesome. Also to be asked to move to a higher class. I’m glad your little one is enjoying following your footstep in dance. Her solo on stage was awesome. I had to chuckle when the hand from back stage pulled her off — my thought went to the old vaudville routines where actors were pulled off the stage with a crook.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I wonder how differently things might have worked out for you, had you been able to study with Mia Michaels. I’m kinda glad you wound up where you are – but for purely selfish reasons. And she is absolutely adorable. Your parents must be so proud – of you and of her. I know I would be.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:10 am
You weren’t allowed to videotape your child’s recital? What, did they sell the rights to People Magazine?
Those must be some crazy talented kids. And yours with a solo.
Congratulations.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Well that is just too cute for words!
May 19th, 2009 at 10:39 am
That video is so adorable! I love it that her teacher pulls her off the stage at the end. (Long time blog stalker here…maybe if I read your blog enough I can have a child with cheeks like Babisodes; they melt my heart!)
May 19th, 2009 at 10:42 am
I remember my first stage fright too…I don’t think I ever recovered, LOL! I’m glad babisodes was more comfortable on stage!
May 19th, 2009 at 10:52 am
That’s an awesome story Sandy! I loved my ballet and jazz classes when I was a kid, but recitals scared the crap out of me too!
May 19th, 2009 at 11:37 am
She is so cute. I did ballet growing up. I loved it so much, but due to financial reasons my mom never allowed me to pursue it. Gosh I so remember the days of the costumes, make-up, hair pulled up into a bun. Now it will be filled with football games, basketball games, or maybe golf. I got all boys (which I’m so happy for).
Felicia – I Complete Me’s last blog post..It’s My Anniversary!!!!!
May 19th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
What a story. Hard to believe that no one else showed up. That video was very sweet. I’m glad your daughter’s experience was a good one. I’m guessing she take dance again next year. Btw, I still get nervous before I sing- let me tell you, I’ve been singing solos for many, many years. At some point, you manage to harness those nerves and make them work for you. I wonder how differently things would have turned out if you did continue and study with Mia Michaels that next year.
Joyce-Anne’s last blog post..It is crack.
May 19th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
That was so nice of your teacher to dance with you and encourage you. I’m so sad that you had to give up the opportunity to train with Mia Michaels doing something you so obviously loved and were great at.
Babisodes is very cute in her tutu and did a nice job. At least her parents won’t discourage her from following her dreams.
Dot’s last blog post..Sometimes, Life Is Complicated
May 19th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Looks like you have a star on your hands. Just love how she enjoyed the audience’s applause and had to be slightly coaxed from the stage. She has a dancing future!!!
May 19th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
That was so sweet. I loved her little bow, so professional.
Tara R.’s last blog post..What me worry?
May 19th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Hee hee! Looks like she wasn’t quite ready to get off the stage. So cute! Babisodes is a natural.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
First of all, she is SO SO cute.
And secondly, HOLY CRAP! Mia Michaels is so cool! I so wish I could go back and give you the money for tuition…or something. An honor indeed!
P.S. My stepmom wrote her first fan letter to Mia Michaels after The Park Bench aired on SYTYCD. She still gets all mooney when we watch. It makes me laugh because Betsy (my SM) knows A LOT of way cool people in the entertainment industry and she gets starry just watching her on TV.
Cecily R’s last blog post..Photo Story Friday and The Apple of My Eye
May 19th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Eeeek! SO cute! Mazzy has been taking ballet/ttap for almost a year and her first recital is in 2 weeks! I’m so excited! My parents couldn’t afford lessons for me so I made sure my little girl had the chance.
And BTW- you tell just great stories from your past! You have such a gift for writing
Missy’s last blog post..Good music plus nice weather equals my day yesterday!
May 19th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
She is too darn cute!! She’s such a natural! (I just can’t wait until Wuzzle is big enough for that type of thing!!)
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May 19th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
The girls a natural! And that story was just heartbreaking…so glad you pulled through and what an honor!
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May 19th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Oh, that was soooooooooo sweet! She’s so cute! And brave! Very very brave!
sheila’s last blog post..The Many Shades of Red
May 19th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
She looks so adorable. I could tell from the short clip that she enjoyed herself.
That was a great story you told. It’s too bad you couldn’t go to the advanced class but at least you were still able to follow what you loved.
Thanks for empathizing with me on the Reel mower and how much they suck.
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May 19th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
It looks like you have a future prima donna there! I took ballet for about two weeks when I was five. It didn’t go over so well. We decided to leave the dancing to the more graceful.
Cara’s last blog post..Good Mornings – Updated
May 19th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Oops, meant prima ballerina!
Cara’s last blog post..Good Mornings – Updated
May 19th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I remember those days! I loved to dance!
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May 19th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
how darling.
savvymode’s last blog post..Bleach Scattered Jeans
May 19th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Kudos to you for biting the bullet and going through with rehearsal. And Babisodes is adorable! Makes me wish my girls were still in dance.
Prontip’s last blog post..They’re at it again!
May 20th, 2009 at 9:28 am
It’s tough for me to admit this but that little clip brought a tear to my eye. Your lead up to her moment on stage but sharing your moment was simply too perfect – too sweet for me NOT to get emotionally invested here. I have never been a fan of sitting through dance recitals (maybe because it takes like three hours to watch your own kid’s 15 seconds of center stage) but this post and the sweetest video clip reminds me that it’s all worth it.
I think.
Lee of MWOB’s last blog post..Friends in 60 Seconds!
May 20th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Babisodes ws so, so adorable!
And you must be all sorts of awesome, OMG, So You think you Can Dance, if it were around a few years earlier I’m sure you would have been in it, seriously!
I was the same; I had to quit ballet at 13 because it was going to be 2 – 3 classes a week. Mom didn’t think I’d be good enough to do it professionally, and dancers only make peanuts, right?
Practical Asians….
Karen MEG’s last blog post..‘Wordless’ Wednesday – Lows and Highs
May 20th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
She is so adorable!
And Mia Michaels? WOW. Are your parents kicking themselves in the rear for not allowing you to do it now that she’s all over the place?
Natalie’s last blog post..Size Difference
May 20th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Adorable! I hope one of my kids has a little performer inside of them.
Melissa’s last blog post..The Graboid
May 21st, 2009 at 1:26 am
too, too cute. my 4-year-old JUST started taking ballet and i’m living vicariously through her pirouettes and tondus. except it’s really sad when you do the move and your 4-year-old just looks at you suspiciously and says, “mommy, you need more practice.”
thanks for the follow… and i’ve now officially signed up to get you in the my inbox. yippee!
http://chroniclesofmomnia.blogspot.com
rosana’s last blog post..The Next Annie Leibovitz?
May 21st, 2009 at 11:18 am
Wow! What a wonderful (and sad) story. I think your parents and my in-laws were the same people? Possibly?
Babisodes is a natural. She’s got to be.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:10 am
I finally caught up with some older posts! She takes after her Momma! Tomorrow is Curly Girl’s second dance recital and she loves being onstage too. It’s funny, I heard the song that Babisodes danced to and Curly Girl danced to the same song last year.
I saw your name in the Scholastic blog awards. Congrats! You deserve it!
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May 29th, 2009 at 9:47 pm