It Finally Happened. I Cracked.
Drinking. Smoking. Out of the country.
That’s where I was about 4 years ago.
Back then I was in still in my *ahem* twenties. Celebrating New Year’s Eve down in Mexico with then Fiancésodes. Dancing, clinking champagne flutes, washing down all worries of my future in-laws ruining our lives upcoming wedding with their usual drama.
Little did I know, I had bigger fish to fry.
I was a few weeks pregnant and totally unaware. After all that I had witnessed in my career as a neonatal ICU nurse, getting pregnant was not at the top of my agenda at the time. At least, not until I could find a way to erase every memory of how a patient’s pregnancy and childbirth went wrong, or perhaps after I was married for a few years and switched to another specialty. Anyhow, popping a daily pill was my method of contraception until then.
Although birth control pills are statistically 99% effective, I was fortunate enough to be part of the 1% that fell through the cracks. And I use the word “fortunate” because part of me knows that I may have never mustered up the courage to get pregnant otherwise. That if left to my own devices to find the “right time,” age, financial situation, etc, etc. my life may be void of Babisodes today.
It was through my own sudden pregnancy and childbirth that I proved to myself that not all pregnancies ended in 1-pound babies. Every pregnant woman doesn’t have to leave the hospital empty-handed. That my belly could actually stretch to ungodly proportions. Most of all it proved that I too had the strength, courage and will to make it through excruciating labor pains for hours on end and live to tell about it. That I could do it.
And although it did not all unfold the in the order or time frame I had hoped, I am eternally grateful it happened. Period.
Only now, I want it again.
And as frightening as my crash course into motherhood was 3 years ago, the reality today is even more fearful.
It’s been over 6 months since we started trying for child #2. Actually it’s been 6 months of trying, not trying at all, charting, tracking, and then not trying again. And last night I finally cracked.
I cried.
Although 6 months seems like small potatoes to most Ob/Gyn’s and couples suffering from infertility, I just didn’t see this coming. Especially as a couple that never even tried the first time around.
The disappointment, frustration, and want for something so badly that doesn’t even exist yet. Like the constant flow of waves ashore, it’s slowly carrying pieces of my mind and self away. Each month my period crashes down, eroding what was once a wide shoreline of hope.
Babisodes is becoming more keenly aware of her friends having brothers and sisters, characters on TV having brothers and sisters, the stuffed animals in her room having brothers and sisters.
Perhaps this is why I pulled away from the blogosphere during the holidays. Aside from the feelings of guilt and letdown on yet another month gone by, about 30-40% of the bloggers I read are now pregnant. And I am just thrilled for every single one them. I shed tears of joy and pain with them through their posts. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit a tiny piece of my heart aches, wishing I were pregnant, too.
As if I’m reliving part of my adolescence. Noticing that girls around me are filling out their bras, while I look down with shoulders hunched forward, still waiting for mine to do the same.
Sad thing is, I’m still waiting.
I guess that is my greatest fear. That I will always be waiting. Month after month. Year after year.
That what I want so badly for my family and myself just isn’t in the cards.
Don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled that in each hand I have Dadisodes’ and Babisodes’ hand to hold. But looking on, there is an underlying sorrow of seeing Babisodes walking alone, empty handed, as time marches on without us.
My apologies for the novel length, melancholy post. If you made it this far, you deserve a medal…or a stiff drink.
Perhaps what I need to do is just wash it all away this New Year.
Maybe a tall glass of champagne, a cigarette, and a marathon night of watching the Travel Channel will help.
((((HUGS)))) I know that feeling very well. It took me 2 years to fall pregnant successfully after Bradley.
Jeanette’s last blog post..Toy rediscovered
December 29th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I’m not pregnant
But on a more serious note, I wish you guys the best for the new year. I know what it’s like to have something in the cards when you weren’t even “playing cards” and how odd it must feel for it not to be in the cards right now even though you are playing like crazy. We have also toyed with the idea of another one and due to the surprise nature of the first one, I’m just assuming that when we want to, it’ll just happen. Guess I need to re-think the planning timeline of that. Anyway, I’m just babbling and using dumb metaphors now. Sending you good vibes for 2009 and predicting good things for you all.
BusyDad’s last blog post..Sending You Out Confused
December 29th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I’m not pregnant.. never had a baby and am 42.. I get it. BIG HUGS… I tend ot be happy for all the expectant mothers..me being away from the blogespher has more to do w/ my new addition to facebook..
mp’s last blog post..Merry Christmas Eve Eve
December 29th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
All I can offer is a “hang in there, hon.” We’re on month #5 waiting for baby #3, and its taken us several months each time. I know just how you’re feeling…
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins’s last blog post..Not quite swinging, yet.
December 29th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Big HUGSSS for you.. I have no wise word to offer you but my prayers and thoughts for you!
Amy @ The Q Family’s last blog post..The Nutcracker at the Fox Theatre
December 29th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I’m not pregnant…never will be again…even if I wanted to, my chance is gone…so you can read me faithfully and never ever hear those 5 words.
I know, not comforting with my (overly) full house…but at least you can avoid a certain phrase
*hugs*
How about this for consolation…Hubs and I tried for one year. One year of charting, trying, not trying, trying again…and then I gave up. Decided it was never going to happen. 2 months later I realized I was late. A year later I was one that fell through the less than 1% chance window and got pregnant again.
It can happen, and I believe it will for you. I’m lighting a candle for you for the new year. *hugs*
Sarah’s last blog post..2009 Goals – Goal #1 – Body Image
December 29th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I know the feeling and I am not trying to get pregnant, nor do I have a man to impregnate me. However, I WANT more children and I am getting used the fact that the magical 35 is 17 months away and that having another child is most likely NOT in the cards for me. The thing that breaks my heart the most is that my son won’t have a sibling and boy does he ask about it. I am an only child and I know how lonely it is, especially when you are the only person your parents have to turn to. So yeah, I get it, and I’m not trying to bum you out more, I could just relate, even though our situations are very different.
Natalie’s last blog post..Merry Christmas
December 29th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
PS. My good friend tried for a year, much like Sarah (and she had some serious physical issues – birth defect hurdles to overcome), and gave up.
She was pregnant within two months.
Natalie’s last blog post..Merry Christmas
December 29th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
More cyber hugs from us.
Emily/Randomability’s last blog post..F F Friday (31)
December 29th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
ohhhh… my avatar!! Pretty!!
Emily/Randomability’s last blog post..F F Friday (31)
December 29th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Oh Sandy *hug* It’s ok to crack every once in awhile. I dont know much about trying for a baby, seeing as the first came about kinda like yours did. I just wish you all luck and love and success this coming year.
Miss’s last blog post..Christmas 2008
December 29th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
You know that I know exactly where you are coming from, right? It’s hard. It is so freaking hard, that want; that need and all the waiting that goes into it.
6 months might not be a long time in an ObGyn’s books, but it is an awfully long time when it is in your own.
(((hugs)))
Veronica’s last blog post..BREASTS!
December 29th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Oh swety ((hugs)). You can’t be strong all the time, ya know? Maybe you’ve just been too stressed out since Dadisodes lost his job – that’ll put a lot of strain on any family.
Here’s to 2009 being the year you get up the duff and pop out a new one!
Marylin’s last blog post..Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
December 29th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
((HUGS))
Wuzzle was also part of that 1%! (And I was RELIGIOUS about birth control…)
As for trying and trying; six months seems like an eternity. (We tried for two years before giving up… we didn’t have the $$ for other routes beyond what we’d tried already. Our insurance sucks.) After we quit trying, about three months later I was pregnant….
I really hope 2009 is the year for you!
Jac’s last blog post..I’m dreaming of a sane Christmas
December 29th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
cracking is totally permissible. to get my kids, i went to extreme measure, and cracking was frequent.
now, however, you can safely read my blog. there never will ever ever again be those words there. menopause is my friend
hugs, honey. hang in there.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Weekly Winners: December 21-27
December 29th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
When the time is right, and when you are least expecting it, it will happen…it will. Be patient. The less you stress the more likely it will happen…besides, now all of us are sending you happy little fertile wishes….I know is seems long, but love knows no time limits. Trust. Believe….and have fun practicing!!!!!
Laura’s last blog post..A tsunami of emotion
December 29th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I know hon, it’s rough. Sometimes I feel like that too, “maybe it’s just the three of us forever”. But I know that’s not going to be the case for you and I feel pretty strongly that it’s not going to be for us either. But yeah, two of my girlfriends are pregnant right now and it’s hard not to feel a little “waaaaaah”.
skiplovey’s last blog post..Some blurry photos and also, “Merry Christmas!”
December 29th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Thirty-three years ago, my mom was in an unusual position as one daughter found out she was to have a third child who was totally unexpected and another daughter nursed the heartache of finding out she and her hubby could never have children. Each daughter needed consoling, each needed to know that her life would be ok, each needed to feel supported and this was long before the interned gave us cyber friends to help.
My mom told each of us that the heart is a magical organ. It can take the ache and make it into a special love. It can take a void and fill it with a miracle. Be patient, my cyber child, your heart will be filled –
Patsy’s last blog post..You’ll Always Be My Baby
December 29th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
when you can top what I did in my twenties let me know. I was danceing a chorus like on top of a bar in Tiawan with an Army Guy and A Navy gut ans a Fellow Airman. the combined military police grabbed us and we all got in hot water.
Mike Golch’s last blog post..the latest one.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
OMG. You just wrote everything I am feeling. I got pregnant twice with no planning (I don’t like to use the word accidentally, but if we’re being honest…..). They couldn’t have come at more inconvenient times. First one was my last semester of college. Second one I found out 10 days after we got engaged. They both made for some drama. I thought I was the fertility queen.
Then after the second, I got endometriosis. Now we’re on month 4, which doesn’t seem like a lot, but we had two totally failed months and then I had a chemical pregnancy which is a super early miscarriage. I saw 7 positive tests. For 6 days I knew I was pregnant. I was so fricking happy. I have had so much bad news in the last 3 months, and this felt so good. So incredibly good. Then on the day I was making Christmas cookies, my period started. I didn’t know what was going on, becuase I was pregnant, so I went to the ER for what ended up being my period. I was so embarassed. The doctor was not very sensitive and kept asking me why I was crying. She told me I wasn’t pregnant and never was and that all 7 tests were wrong. When I kept crying, they started asking me questions that were clearly a psyche evaluation. I was so mad. I’m not crazy and I’m not an idiot. I know that those tests read HcG and that for my body to make it, I must’ve been pregnant, even for just a few days. I went to the OB on the next Monday and they told me it likely was a really early miscarriage, that there was nothing I can do, and that 3 months is not enough to warrant a fertility work up. To add insult to injury, I didn’t drink at my work Christmas party, my boss figured out why and soon everyone knew. Now I have to tell everyone of those people this story. Ugh.
So I know what you mean about being jealous of all these pregnant people. You can’t help but feel that way. It just feels like so long to wait in between months. And if one more person tells me it’s stress, I am going to punch them:)
December 29th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Awe, Sandy… HUGE hugs. Try to hold on to the fact that six months isn’t that long. And when you least expect it (as you’ve already found out).
Babisodes will be fine. She already is.
Jen of a2eatwrite’s last blog post..Meme via Gunfighter via Los Angelista
December 29th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I just want to hug you. I have no words..just big big big hugs..
Kim’s last blog post..Happy New Year
December 29th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
We tried for 2 years after 2 miscarriages before we had Curly Girl. Munchkin is now almost 2 1/2 years and in all that time we still haven’t gotten pregnant.
I know it’s not easy but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I think that when I finally came to terms with it was when we were able to get pregnant with Curly Girl.
((HUGS))
supermommy’s last blog post..Merry Christmas!
December 29th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
It will happen, I know it will. I have a friend who is trying, and that is what I tell her, positive thoughts never hurt. You are a great mom!
Amanda’s last blog post..The Automaker bailout from a different perspective..
December 29th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Oh honey.
You have my fertile prayers and peaceful wishes.
Hugs darling. May 2009 be a popping year for you!!
Rachel’s last blog post..Bebe’s Broccoli Cheese Casserole
December 29th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Thanks everyone for your well wishes and leaving a comment. I’m hoping to get to some of you via email response.
Oh, and PLEASE do not think that I won’t be reading your blog if you’re a pregnant mommy. If I have been following you, I will continue to do so just as always….Promise
December 29th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
The OhPrincesses are almost 4 years apart. It will happen. I know a lot pregnancies that started with Jack and cokes…
OhCaptain’s last blog post..A Christmas Story – The recap and proof there is a Santa Claus
December 29th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Oh, I wish I could give you a big giant hug! Your crying after 6 months of trying is exactly what happened to me. I tried and tried and finally after 6 failed attempts, I couldn’t take it any more and just bawled. In fact it took me 9 months to finally get pregnant again. All the temp taking, charting, and everything was giving me results that made me focus my energies at the wrong times. So it wasn’t until a “freebie” moment that I finally got pregnant. Go figure.
Elizabeth’s last blog post..Not Me Monday…ending 2008 with a Bang!
December 29th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
I know the pain of wanting a pregnancy and not getting it. I seriously wanted 6 children at one time. Now I give thanks that I had just one.
Eve’s last blog post..After-Christmas Doldrums
December 29th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I had something funny going there for a minute – but then I thought that maybe that ain’t appropriate, at the moment. As much as I love you – please know that I feel so helpless and frustrated that you ‘re going through this and there is nothing I can do to help. Nothing but say HUGS. BIG HUGS.
lceel’s last blog post..Still no breaks
December 29th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
“But looking on, there is an underlying sorrow of seeing Babisodes walking alone, empty handed, as time marches on without us.”
I feel this same sorrow, in relation to Braden.
I get more upset when I see siblings together than when I see pregnant women and babies.
Hugs to you. And a new year’s wish for fertility, comfort, and peace.
<3
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Mah Mojo, She A-Go-Go Away
December 29th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Sometimes it seems the thing we want the most eludes us. Don`t give up, but also don`t chase it. I tried for 8 months to get pregnant the 5th time around after reading a book on how to choose the sex of your baby. (yes there is such a book and yes it works!) People asked why and I would say why not. It will happen. It`s ok to cry. Sending you warm hugs and positive thoughts.
Elaine B.’s last blog post..A Big Thank You!
December 29th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Relax. You’ve just been stressed with Dadisodes being laid off and the LEEP and all the other choas of life.
It will happen when it’s meant to.
Have a glass of champagne and spend sometime with your hubby.
Wishing lots of love(sex) and fertility. LOL!
December 30th, 2008 at 12:05 am
Cracking is completely acceptable and normal. You have so much stress in your life right now. And the holidays always seem to add to the emotions.
I really think it will all work out for you. I really do.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Kat’s last blog post..Post Christmas Crash
December 30th, 2008 at 12:09 am
HUGS!!! Oh Sandy, I am sorry. I truly hope 2009 gives you your heart’s desire for another baby.
December 30th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Oh Sandy;
I get it. I hardly know what to say even when I am excited for others. It almost seems like there’s something in the water. My son is almost 13. I always thought I would do things the way other couples do. You know… have a baby WITH my hubby. I will not forget the day the doctor told me that was not to be for me.
I still get bummed because I’m only 36. The thought of starting over makes me tired. Hubby used to say we could adopt…but then he changed his mind. Too bad I can’t change my heart.
I get your ache…I get it and it sucks. I am sending you a hug, and prepared to miss you when you take a break, if you take a break on the 1st.
{{hugs}}
Grandy’s last blog post..Grandy’s Word Association
December 30th, 2008 at 12:54 am
awww.
ehug. a huge one. you are living the nightmare of everyone who hopes to one day conceive. i hope you guys get what you need in ‘09. have a huge drink. you deserve it.
December 30th, 2008 at 1:03 am
. . . I, too, am waiting each month for that plus sign . . . like you, nothing, and I am charting and counting . . .
December 30th, 2008 at 1:06 am
sandy, it will happen again! u will be a mommy for the 2nd time. be patient, afterall ts only 6 mths of not really trying hard. count ur days and try harder on ur fertile time. sleep early and eat well. dont stress, stress wont get u pregnant.. take care and happy 2009! may the new year brings u another bundle of joy in ur arms again!
December 30th, 2008 at 1:57 am
Don’t give up!
I think starting the new year off with a new found outlook is what you need. I will pray for better days to come for you.
Take some time out for you and don’t worry about what will or won’t happen or even when. I believe everything has a time and a place.
Hang in there and happy new year!
December 30th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Chin up sweetie. The minute you stop worrying so much, that’s when it will happen. I’ve seen this in real life happen to a lot of my friends, even one who adopted because she “couldn’t have any biological children,” and then, TA-DA, she became pregnant when her daughter was about 1.
You just never know…
Big hugs to you in the meantime.
Carrie’s last blog post..Sometimes Moms Get a Bailout Too
December 30th, 2008 at 2:13 am
Sending hugs and so many good wishes for that ache in your heart to be replaced with the sweetest joy. My fingers are crossed for you to have good news soon.
xoxo
Jennifer H’s last blog post..Do you see what I see?
December 30th, 2008 at 2:22 am
Hugs, Sandy. That has to suck. It’s got to be frustrating considering that the first time went as it did, and I understand so very much about how painful it can be when it seems the entire blogosphere has something you want so very badly. I have no real advice if you are already clued in to your cycle (turns out I ovulated a few days sooner than I thought even when I was charting, as I found out), but I think sometimes there is something to the over stressing out thing, and sometimes there’s more to it. In any case, I’m sending hugs.
Maggie’s Mind’s last blog post..Guests Have More Fun
December 30th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Cracking is good and something that should probably done more frequently. Six months is way too long, hun. I remember being horrified after one, two months trying and my first, second period, so I cannot imagine. The feel must be amplified 100 times.
Just don’t bottle. Let it flow instead of swallowing the frustration and sadness. Keep talking and writing about your feelings…and enjoy a big glass of champagne on New Years, heck, get a nice buzz going with your husband because it feels good!
It’s a new year in a few days and that alone is kind of magical. Fresh starts and new hope, you know? Embrace that
Huckdoll’s last blog post..Pointy
December 30th, 2008 at 3:17 am
Oh man, I’m feeling for you girlfriend. I’m not sure why i’m calling you girlfriend ’cause you know – we don’t know each other – but then again we do. Cause that’s how it is here in bloggytown – but anyway – I’m so with you on that first pregnancy – if it didn’t happen suddenly and unexpectedly for me, I wouldn’t have spent years trying. But then when I stepped over the line into the new world that is motherhood, I couldn’t imagine life any other way.
I know you are unsure right now….but you WILL get pregnant. You CAN get pregnant. You KNOW that. You are on the journey towards new life and each path is UNIQUE…. your new baby’s story is already being told. It has begun. Enjoy where you are….it’s special.
Lee the MWOB Queen’s last blog post..Her appetite for gifts is insatiable
December 30th, 2008 at 3:21 am
Let’s have a drink together, wash it all away and start anew.
I am way too chicken and have a whole bag full of excuses why I never wanted kids (still don’t).
I love them. Just not for myself.
But I do feel your pain and sorrow. And I want to hug you.
Maybe, just maybe, if you try not to think of a new tiny Babysodes while having fun in the bedroom and just enjoy the time being…..?
But who am I to give suggestions….
Hugs, my friend!! And all the Best wishes for a new Year.
I am sure there will be another Weebabysode around soon!
December 30th, 2008 at 3:49 am
This just breaks my heart for you. I hope it happens for you all, soon!
dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..Wii had a great Christmas!
December 30th, 2008 at 5:47 am
About one year ago I read a post on this blog where you wrote about what you wished to come true for yourself in 2008. Having another baby was one of them, I remember well. I remember joking about it, teasing you because it was a long list and there were some very ambitious things in it, AND you had just joined Blog 365.
I don’t know if you remember, but I do.
Blog 365 ends tomorrow, and so does the year 2008.
It has brought you joyful moments and sorrow. I remember you worrying about the house you wanted to buy, and the LEEP.
Some of the things you wished for have come true, and other things didn’t.
Having another baby has not yet been fulfilled.
But you’re still young, you have a lot ahead of you still.
I wish for you, this dream comes true for you.
Now have some champagne, (forget about the cigarette,) and LIVE.
Enjoy your life as it is now, and try not to think or worry too much about the future. Enjoy the time in the bedroom. Trying is fun too!
The less you focus on it, the more likely it is bound to happen?
Big big hug Sandy, all the luck in the world I wish for you.
With or without a new baby?
Jientje’s last blog post..Ruby Tuesday How to make Mushroom Potatoes
December 30th, 2008 at 6:35 am
It is indeed heart-breaking to want something so bad, yet it seems so far from our grasp. Keep the faithfulness, it will happen in God’s perfect time. It’s OK to cry out your frustrations, it’s therapeutic actually. I pray that you will receive the desire of your heart one of these days.
ceemee’s last blog post..Food Experiment #2
December 30th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Sweetie, I know your pain. I really do. Cry as much as you need to, it’s understandable. Just to let you know why I think another baby will be in the cards for you, you’ve got youth on your side, I was in your position of wanting to get pregnant but I was 10 years older at the time than you are now. I’m not saying this to trivialize your pain in any way, just saying there is an awesomely great chance it will happen. Have faith. And know that so many of us will be thinking of you and sending our loving thoughts your way.
Jannie’s last blog post..Unlucky four-leaf-clover CONTEST!!
December 30th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Here’s to fertility in the new year! We tried for 8 months with the first and a whole year for the second. And you can be sure that there will be no pregnant posts coming from my blog! Hang in there, you’re day is coming.
December 30th, 2008 at 9:55 am
all choked up and not sure what to say to you. sorry. i’m usually the rambly comment leaver, but today i just have heartache for you and what you are going through. i have so been there. it took us about 2 1/2 yrs to concieve my son… those were some really hard years. and they were measured in months… months of hoping, praying, wishing and thinking… then bam… period. ugh. crying, upset, heartache… almost like loosing a baby every single month… we did testing and all that… and finally found that I needed to be on Clomid… well that did the trick for us… after only three treatments of clomid… well the third one worked, I was pregnant. I had some struggles for my second pregnancy, I miscarried and then it took two more months of clomid to get pregnant again, that time with twins. so I guess as cliche as it sounds everything does happen for a reason. and although this reason totally SUCKS I’m sure you will get pregnant soon. I’m sure you know all this though and that hearing doesn’t do a damn thing to make you feel better, but please know that I’m thinking of you and hoping that you will be posting good news soon. I’m anxious to come over hear and read all about your pregnancy and all that you are going through and see belly pics… and stuff like that… it will happen. I know it.
xoxoxo
LOTS OF HUGS!!!
Jenn’s last blog post..Here’s a Good One…
December 30th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I am sorry you are struggling with this. See, after my son was born 4.5 years ago, I made a chast decision to get my tubes tied 4 weeks after he was born. I had a terrible pregnancy with him (he was my 2nd) I had my appendix removed when I was 4 months preg. and was miserablly sick the rest of the time, not to mention he was a 9lb 3 oz baby – WITH NO DRUGS. I regret it now. I want another baby. I want another baby sooo bad and 3 friends of mine are preg and I have to see them everyday. I wish I was that 1% whose tubes untie and allow me to preg again.
Relax, enjoy yourself and don’t stress about getting preg. it will haooen when you least expect it.
Average Girl’s last blog post..I Got Interviewed and I Want To Interview You!!
December 30th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Ugh…babe, I totally KNOW where you are…and you know my story and all that jazz. Have you tried that watch thing? I’m wishing you good luck, hon!
Hugs and prayers…
Ashley’s last blog post..A Painting
December 30th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Have you tried fertility tracking software? My favorite one is called hormonal forecaster – you can download a free trial version that you can use for 45 days. Its really nifty. There’s another one called femta. I used them the second time around and realized that I ovulate a few days sooner than average. That was extremely helpful.
Kmommy’s last blog post..Merry Christmas!!
December 30th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
My hugs to you! 6 months are not too much, don’t give up!
No pregnant post on blog too.
kompostela’s last blog post..Merry Christmas To All Toddler Lovers
December 30th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
(((HUGS))) No words, just hugs. It will happen, I know it will. It just has to!
December 30th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
ah…. don’t give yourself too much stress. you will get pregnant soon when you are not expecting.
savvymode sg’s last blog post..Too Much Sun?
December 30th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Don’t let them tell you that 6 months isn’t that long. I’m not sure how old you are, but if you’re near 35 and have been trying for six months, definitely see your doctor!
Hugs and prayers and crossing my fingers for you!
Mama Zen’s last blog post..Review: Paul Of Dune
December 30th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Hugs sent to you from across the miles
Kathy’s last blog post..Guess who came to visit us?
December 30th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I understand the feeling of being “fortunate”. I too found out I was pregnant about a month after I conceived. Prior to that I had a night of games where the losers had to take shots. I was so distraught when I found out I was pregnant knowing that I was drinking and pregnant at the same time, but I had a wonderful pregnancy, no labor pains and a beautiful healthy baby. I could only imagine how sad one could feel to go through this. I have many friends who are trying to have a baby after the first one just happened. I hope that everything goes well. Stick in there, it will be worth it.
Felicia’s last blog post..A Tribute to WAHMs (& Dads)
December 30th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Guaranteed if you have that champagne and cigarette you’ll find out you’re pregnant.
Hang in there. And I’m sorry it’s so tough. I can understand that wanting and it must be so hard.
Here’s to a happy and fertile 2009!
Stimey’s last blog post..Real Sports
December 30th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
big hugs honey. When you least expect it, it will happen. I think I can almost promise. Xoxo
melissa’s last blog post..The Holiday Spirit…
December 30th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
oh my
we all deserve to crack every once in a while – I wanted my kids to be three years apart …..they are four and 1/2 years apart. Sometimes our own timing is not what God has planned for us. You did not pick the timing of your first born, maybe none of us actually pick the time, we just think we do.
I love the space between my kids, they are very good friends and get along surprisingly well…. considering the age difference.
stay strong I hope it will happen soon
Elle’s last blog post..Visions of Sugar Plums
December 30th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Holy cow, you write very short novels.
Perhaps a contributing factor is the stress of the layoff, the holidays, the families? Anyway, I’m with you, in that I’m in the 2% of people who get pregnant using the diaphragm method (with you on the developing late thing, too). My first husband and I had tried, but had no success. Then I was pregnant by a guy I was dating. Keeping it at the time would have ruined my life financially and he had no interest in a permanent relationship, so I had an abortion. Sigh.
Six months IS a long time to have your hopes up and try to plan your life, with no cooperation from the fertility gods. Perhaps if you relax and forget about it, the way adoptive parents do, it’ll happen.
PS – As if your life weren’t trouble enough, I’ve tagged you for a meme at my blog.
Dot’s last blog post..My First Meme (I’m So Proud)
December 30th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
aww, the holidays just seem to bring out the best and worst in people. You have a lot going for you Sandy, and I hope that you can see that! I wanted more kids too, but after my wife died, that made it pretty tough.
Brian’s last blog post..Winter Break
December 30th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
We got pregnant with our 1st right away, so I expected that the same would happen with our 2nd. It did not, and I felt like I would never get pregnant, but I did. I started planning a vacation, which took my mind completely off getting pregnant. By the time vacation rolled around I was 5 months along.
(And I REALLY hate stories just like the one I just told you, but I hope it gives you hope….that is my intent.)
Anxiety is the absolute WORST. I’m thinking of you, and sending peaceful, “chill” vibes your way.
Carrie’s last blog post..Pics from Christmas
December 30th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I’m sorry that you’re cracking. I hope you get what you so desperately want much sooner rather than later.
patois’s last blog post..Haiku: Stardust
December 30th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
The time will come…Maybe you should stop trying and just do the nasty for the heck of it. I think that’s what happened with us…
chris’s last blog post..All I Want For Christmas…
December 30th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
[...] stay at home mom, but there is nothing typical about tuning into Momisodes daily episode of life. She puts her feelings out there and its not hard to see a piece of all of us in [...]
December 30th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Along with all the others … I’m holding positive thoughts that you’ll be pregnant again at the perfect time for all concerned.
Hugs and blessings,
storyteller’s last blog post..A New Year’s Gift for ALL my Bloggy Friends
December 30th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
It will happen! It will. I would go with the cigarette and champagne and if you can’t get to Mexico maybe have some tacos and kill a pinata. Even if you don’t get pregnant, you will have some fond memories. Maybe forget the smoke. That will just make you feel sick.
Christine’s last blog post..Out For Lunch…
December 30th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Hey Sandy, I’m glad you posted this. Because it was so real, infertility is such a very tough thing to deal with, whether it be 6 months or 6 years… the timeline doesn’t matter, to anyone going through it, time takes on another dimension. Secondary infertility must be particularly frustrating… at least for me, trying for baby #2, I suspected we might have a rougher ride of it.
But you know, just because you already have a baby doesn’t make wanting another any easier… I found for me, it almost made me more insane to bring a sibling into this world for my boy. I prayed, made commitments that I probably shouldn’t have (like, uh, “I don’t care if the child is a total diva, as long as she/he will be happy, healthy “… watch what you wish for LOL!).
I wish you all the best for 2009, sending good baby thoughts your way. And if you ever want to e:mail/ chat, you know where I am. I’ve been down this road too …
Hugs xoxo
Karen MEG’s last blog post.."Wordless Wednesday" – A Message from my son
January 1st, 2009 at 11:04 am
Hugs!!!!! I can relate and not relate. Relate in that I charted and tried for 6 months. Relate that too many people that I read are pregnant right now. Relate in that I cried buckets. For years. Not relate in that there was no pregnancy for me ever. In spite of 11.5 years of marriage.
But hugs all the same. I am very familiar with these tears.
January 1st, 2009 at 5:33 pm
The expectations we create for ourselves are real challenges when they don’t happen as we envision. Sometimes the best thing to do is to focus on the joy you have. Live in the moment.
Babisodes is blessed – with or without a sibling – to have parents who love her!
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Oh, it is so hard! I’m sorry you’re going through the waiting game. Glad you have Babisodes to help distract you a bit…
SarahHub @ Oakbriar Farm’s last blog post..My M&Ms
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:55 am
Lots of stories. A ton of tears. Wonderful words of support.
Amazing, aren’t they?
And they all come here. To cheer on your ovaries, uterus, eggs, daddy juice.
’cause inside, we all want to hear those words . . . from you.
Fingers crossed. Hands folded.
January 5th, 2009 at 1:08 am
I can completely understand how you feel. My dh and I tried and tried, did the specialist and pills thing and still after years and years it wasn’t happening.
This is when we decided to give up completely. Spent the money we had been saving for our baby, bought a convertible and travelled.
Well 2 kids later I can say we no longer have the convertible but this was the day(the day we bought the car) we became pregnant.
I tell you this because I am a firm believer that the stress of trying can hinder the end result. So enjoy your little one, enjoy your man, and maybe if you concentrate a little less on it the result you are looking for will surprise you when you weren’t even looking.
Cheers, wishing you all the best, and since I am no longer trying I will concentrate for you, fingers, toes, and nose crossed for you and your family
Kristine’s last blog post..I tempted fate! and I have a plan
January 5th, 2009 at 4:10 am
Here’s another blogger who won’t be pregnant.
My younger sister tried and tried. For over a year. Her husband went in for an examination of the plumbing. She went in, too. They found some cysts and other detritus, cleaned it all up, then kept trying.
In March, she gave birth to a gorgeous little baby girl with a full head of jet-black hair and great big brown eyes.
It’s interesting to hear your perspective on your first pregnancy – I suppose one’s experiences shape one’s opinions and perfectly explain your fears the first time around. As mine do for me – I don’t personally know anyone who had a pregnancy that resulted in a 1lb child or a would-be mom who left the hospital empty-handed. My experience has been that almost all pregnancies end well.
I suppose neither one of us is right.
Here’s wishing you a fruitful 2009, and lots of unpressured, carefree monkey love to stoke the fires of conception.
Clayjack’s last blog post..Dignity in Small Packages
January 6th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Oh, honey, I know that longing and that crying when you think it will never happen. I am tearing up right now just thinking about it. I feel for ya. I hope and pray the right little egg and little swimmer will come along soon and give you a perfect little baby.
January 6th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I’ve been there as I had to go through fertility to have my one daughter. The good news is that she is thriving even though she is an only child. I promise you, whatever the end result, she’s got you and her dad and that is a lot.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
It took me about six months to get pregnant when we decided to try. Although technically that isn’t very long, it DOES feel long when you want to have a baby that badly so I understand your frustration. The funny thing is, I ended up getting pregnant when I least expected to. We were going on a trip so I had not done my basil temp charting that month and according to my ovulation schedule, the times hubby and I were intimate were no where near when I should have ovulated. See how technical I had become by that time? LOL! But that’s when it happened. When I had just let nature take its course. Babisodes will have her sibling, sooner or later – no worries!
Shere1’s last blog post..The craziest three and a half hours of my life
January 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I sincerely hope you get your baby soon. It’s really tough to want something so badly and have to wait for it for so long. My husband and I just started unofficially trying in October and though it’s been only 4 months, it’s hard to not get disappointed.
La Petite Chic’s last blog post..Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are!
January 13th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Having been through fertility treatment, I know your sorrow. But do know that it is waaay early for you, and already having a child makes your odds REALLY GOOD. That crack was bound to happen, it’s good that you wrote about it and are letting it get air. That way, you can release it and move to a better place.
Nola’s last blog post..A Perfect Weekend
January 27th, 2009 at 2:32 pm