Itsy bitsy fail
*Note to all arachnophobes*- Do not scroll down to the end of this post. My camera has a decent zoom.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m really cut out for this mom gig.
Not only because I have always felt out of place in those “mom groups”, but also because every now and then, I royally screw up.
The “me” before motherhood, you see, was a bit of an overachiever.
I was the kind of child who aimed to please her parents. Always pulled an “A” average in school. And as a professional, was never less than 15 minutes early for work.
Today, as a busy mom, it is a good day if everyone gets where they’re going with matching shoes. Screw being “on time.”
But I’m a stay-at-home mom. It is my responsibility to make sure these things are covered. And this year we have moved into the overwhelming world of daily preschool.
It’s a big deal. It means no pajamas after 8am, hair needs actual brushing, and I have to put on my social smile each day as we walk the halls of preschool around other moms.
You know, the moms with matching shoes.
So I promised myself I’d get my act together. This could be my last year with my little girl before our other child arrives.
And every week, I’ve been good. Prepared. Punctual. No major slip-ups on my part, and Babisodes has adjusted wonderfully.
Until last week,…when I failed.
Or shall I say, I made my daughter fail.
Each parent received a notice stating the class was building a terrarium, and each student should bring in a little critter from their home garden.
Examples such as slugs, worms, and grasshoppers were given.
Now, as a nurse, I can deal and have dealt with a lot of things- blood, death, burning flesh. I’m cool.
Bugs?
*dies*
My immediate thought. Panic.
Second thought. There must be a bait store somewhere that I could just buy a worm and never have to touch it. But that would be teaching a 4-year old how to cheat…in preschool…on her first assignment. Perhaps now is not the best time for that.
There is a reason why I have never been camping. While growing up in Florida, I lived the daily nightmare of being attacked by mosquitos, crunching snails beneath my shoes, and having geckos stick to my shoulder.
That was enough terrarium life to last a lifetime.
But nevertheless, I didn’t give up with the assignment. I couldn’t. Dadisodes was out of town.
So I tiptoed my way through our weed-ridden backyard and scoured the ground for signs of life. I decided early on that if I had to dig through dirt, there was no way. So worms were out.
As I turned left towards a patch of mulch, I noticed slight movement. A three-inch slug slithered a slimy trail along the top of…. a huge pile of dog poop!
Okay, slugs were out as well.
We trudged on towards the side yard where the sun shades the ground and keeps it moist. Something immediately tickled my arm.
It was a spider web. I had walked into a spider web.
Holy crap, (don’t scream) get the freaking spider web off me now! And where IS the spider?
Hello, my name is Sandy. I made my 4-year old daughter fail her first preschool assignment.
Next week’s assignment: Bring in 1 apple.
If I send her in with 2 would I be screwing up again, or would it count for extra credit?
I say send enough apples for every kid in the class, and then claim you didn’t understand the instructions.
October 1st, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Did you send a note that said something to the affect that Dadisodes was out of town and because you are in the early stages of pregnancy you could not in good conscience participate in the gathering of small slimy, icky things and risk harm to your unborn child by contracting some germ that lurked where such thing are. Then continue with heart … Read Morefelt apologies and promises that you would be glad to furnish, oh I don’t know, small plants from the nursery for the terrarium. You know just some thing to ease your sense of guilt.
YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER!
And I love this story even though you are a little hard on yourself.
October 1st, 2009 at 11:25 pm
I am so happy I found you! You are hilarious! I look forward to reading more, in the comfort of my pajamas. My son is 7, so I can drop him off at school without actually having to go inside. Needless to say, my pajamas stay on until the appropriate time. 1:00 pm. Or later.
October 1st, 2009 at 11:26 pm
wow – you have my vote for bravest mom for even attempting!!!!! I would’ve never gone outside to look for “insects” (if that’s what teachers in school call those little monsters for the sake of academia!)
We have a perfectly good PLASTIC collection of bugs and if that assignment ever comes up for my son, that will be his contribution…what? the real bugs need bug statues to decorate the terrarium!
October 1st, 2009 at 11:50 pm
H-O-L-Y CRAP. Take the “F”!!!
October 1st, 2009 at 11:54 pm
OMGosh! Okay:
1. I feel the SAME way you do about the whole pre-school thing. We just started and we were all used to sleeping until past 9am on most days!! LOL.
2. GROSS. If it makes you feel better, I think I would have gone and bought a cricket at the pet store.
And what kind of assignment is that for a preschooler?! I like the apple idea, better.
October 1st, 2009 at 11:59 pm
That is sooo icky! I wouldn’t know what to do if I were you… what’s the purpose of this assignment anyway? So kids would get bitten by these insects? He he!
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:02 am
Ewww! I am so not into creepy, crawly things. I would have ignored the letter and thrown it into the trash.
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:23 am
Is the school crazy? What a freaky assignment. I’d say make a report card for yourself and ask the teacher to give you the “f” instead and give your daughter a moral lesson instead
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:32 am
Ummm, I may have fainted when I saw that photo…
October 2nd, 2009 at 1:04 am
I have an idea for a song called “The Other Moms,” and how their hair and make-up is always perfect.
But… I have come to realize we ALL are The Other Moms.
And we have those exact spiders here. And they’re BIG!!
October 2nd, 2009 at 6:20 am
OK, you warned me and I didn’t listen and OH MY GOD that gives me the heebie jeebies. I hate spiders. *shudder*
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:42 am
My fingers are so shaky/shuddery I can barely type. I. Hate. Spiders.
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:59 am
AHHHHH!!!! I can’t believe you were brave enough to take a picture of it. You should get extra credit for that!
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:09 am
Oh, two apples would definitely make up for her terrarium! And also, that’s the weirdest pre-school assignment I’ve ever heard of!
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:14 am
Haha… Pretty tough assignment, apples are more like it.
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:15 am
*shudders* *chills* *failed to heed warning* I’ll bet Babisodes understands. What kind of preschool sends delicate little kids out to collect potentially poisonous, or biting, or at the very least, possibly germ-ridden bugs? Yech.
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:36 am
I think we are all the Other moms.. I have matching shoes everyday BUT if you come to my house, you will see a mountain (mountain.. not pile.. it’s bigger than pile.. my kids can get lost in there) of laundry.
Now, that’s a great picture of a spider. What camera did you have? hehe..
I will give you A++ for effort. I think for preschooler a parent shouldn’t have to work that hard for homework assignment. We have another 10-12 years of more work assignment!
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:53 am
School projects are the kid’s responsibility. Not mom’s. So you can blame it all squarely on her 4 year old shoulders.
Petsmart sells insects (to feed to reptiles). They come in nice neat plastic baggies.
Just FYI.
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:05 am
who suggests preschoolers bring in a bunch of critters!? i would protest on the grounds of MOM DOESN’T WANNA!!! wait until she can catch them herself! is this really something you want to start??? “mommy, can we bring in another spider?” what if it becomes like the birthday question, a daily query? yeah right! geckos stick to your shoulder??? you know i’m not a native floridian but living here, right?? that prospect is NOT COOL!! i’m not generally afraid of nature but i don’t like to sweat and i like to keep it off of me!! okay i’ll stop blogging in your comments! somebody touched a nerve! lolol
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:44 am
Why would ANY teacher want bugs from 4 year olds!!! I say stick with the apples. They are healthy and don’t bite back!
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 am
I have to say this is sort of a weird assignment – I don’t think I could have done it either
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:17 pm
LOL! I think MSN has a support for people that need that kind of help. Maybe if you bring an apple with a worm it will count as a make up assignment. Good luck!
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I’m glad you found the spider. I just saw one of those monsters at some friends’ house. I. WOULD. DIE.
What kind of a sick teacher does your daughter have anyway?
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Did you send in the photo? My kids once spent hours drawing pictures of fish to hang inside my sister’s empty aquarium. Perhaps that would count? (Also, is the preschool planning on teaching them about the circle of life, too? Because if you sent in that spider, and someone else sent in a small cricket or fly, pretty soon the kids would be watching spider’s dinner time.)
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Oh, you young sweet innocent mom…….this is only the start of craziness that you will be put through in the name of a school assignment.
Your daughters preschool takes the cake though. I would have handed them $5.00 and told them were the nearest pet store was.
October 2nd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
That spider is intense! Actually, I think you were being a great mother by teaching your daughter that cheating is bad. Sad how she is getting homework in preschool. I bet she is loving all the extra time and love you are giving her.
October 2nd, 2009 at 2:58 pm
The spider would have been PERFECT for the terrarium! It would have eaten all of those other lesser Mom’s finds, and you and babisodes would have triumphantly won the Terrarium Bloodbath…
October 2nd, 2009 at 4:26 pm
OMG this is like a deja vu convo with a gal pal. : )
October 2nd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Yuck! Nice shot, though.
October 2nd, 2009 at 5:30 pm
You would freak out in my home. My son regularly catches bugs and brings them in as “pets”…lol. (I do make him keep them in containers, though.)
I have to say, though, I don’t like spiders either. And that one is creeeepy.
Better luck next time! Yes, apples are good.
Have a great weekend!
October 2nd, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Ugh! That spider is Scary! I hate HATE them. I think we would have failed too…………… good luck next week!
October 2nd, 2009 at 7:53 pm
you should have sent a note in that read, “dear teacher, like, ew. hope this blade of grass will do. sincerely, momisodes.”
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:12 pm
First of all, it seems more than one blogger this week is thinking about the preparedness idea and how hard it is as a mom! At least for me. And I am thankful that it’s a little bit hard for you, too.
And are you saying that you never put the spider in the jar? Not that I would have, either. Just checking!
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:21 pm
haha! I made my four year old kindergardener fail his first homework assignment too..but it’s a much less dramatic story than that! And that spider totally looks scary!
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:27 pm
That is a BRAVE preschool to invite 15-20 unknown bugs and creepy crawlies into their classroom!
I give you kudos for looking, at least!
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:12 pm
As a teacher, I’d totally prefer the 2 apples over the nasty bug.
And although sometimes an overachiever at work, I’m never early. In fact, I usually leave home at the exact time I”m supposed to start work. Shhhhhhh! Don’t tell my principal!
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:50 pm
No way, no how. No creepy crawlies for me. We have an agreement. I leave them alone and they leave me alone. Or they die.
And spider webs freak me way out.
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
What a horrific assignment!!! seriously, I would have a major problem with this! And I when I saw the spider photo, I broke out in a sweat!
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Oh no. Oh no. I will not sleep tonight. I am sure that thing is a recluse spider. They can make you sick if they bite you.
Ugh. Yuk! No! Walking into a web.
*faints*
Um…where was I? Oh spiders…I … uh..
*faints again*
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Well, I have something that will make you feel better!
On his FIRST DAY of preschool, my friend and his wife FORGOT to pick up their son!!!!
Thankfully, he was okay. No scarring…lol.
October 3rd, 2009 at 12:15 am
I know you warned us, but umm, did you forget that we all had to SCROLL PAST THE DAMN THING TO COMMENT?
*shudders & cringes*
SHEESH, that was GROSS and CREEPY and YUCK!
October 3rd, 2009 at 12:38 am
ROFL!!!
Your camera does have a great zoom, you scared the living daylights out of most your readers! LOL! Loved the story, it’s SO YOU!!
October 3rd, 2009 at 2:31 am
I wish I could’ve helped you! I’m one of the least bug-phobic people I know. I don’t love them, they just don’t scare me.
I say send in a whole bag of apples!
October 3rd, 2009 at 5:55 am
Oh MAN Sandy that is some spider – eeeekkkk!
The girlie was into collecting caterpillars and ladybugs, which I can sorta handle. Not so slimy, KWIM?
Don’t worry, there will be plenty of future assignments that she will ACE!
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Holy Hairy Legs, Mama!
October 4th, 2009 at 12:06 am
Thanks for visiting my blog. i love your sense of humor and don’t worry about fitting in with the other Mothers. I was never the PTA mom either & my kids turned out just fine.
October 4th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Sandy, I found something you might “want” for the new baby. I posted it on my blog tonight. Let me know if you sew and I’ll get you one if you like…
October 4th, 2009 at 12:55 am
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh even with the warning I wasn’t prepared, lol. *squirm* *shudder* *chill*
omg. YUCK.
Send one apple. Make sure there’s not a worm (or spider) on it, lol
October 4th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
One apple for the assignment… and maybe a starbucks for the extra credit.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
I totally understand the fail. I haven’t let my kid swing on his swing for a week because a huge spider has made it his home and I refuse to kill it. It is ginormous. Hubby will have to do it.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I’m not a mom but am also afraid of bugs. A few years ago my hubby was working on a weekend project that wouldn’t have him home until later in the evening. I spotted a big creepy spider climbing up my vertical blinds in the living room. Shamefully enough I locked myself in the bedroom until he got home that night. *shakes head*
October 4th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
OK…I am so creeped out be that picture:O
October 4th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Um, dang. That is a serious spider.
October 5th, 2009 at 8:25 am
*shudders* Ew.ew.ew. The only bugs I would have found acceptable to take in would have been ladybugs or the cute little baby praying mantises (manti?) we have in the spring. Anything else? Hell to the no. Bleh. Take the F and snd in double apples!
October 5th, 2009 at 10:22 am
OK, I think I take the apples…..!
BBrr………
October 5th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Oh that is so gross! You are still a rockin mom! That spider was nasty – totally gross. I forgive you for picking another project to rule as a mom!
October 5th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Blame it on the pregnancy and leave it at that. No one’s gonna argue with you!
That was just adorable!
October 6th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Dude.
OK. I think I would have taken this picture to the teacher and told her that this second pregnancy makes you nauseous every time you go outside.
Seriously.
October 6th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
LOL That’s hysterical, in more ways than one! Isn’t crazy how our kids get home in preschool???
BTW…Congratulations! You won the Best Blog Award!
http://deniseisrundmt.com/2009/10/06/mrs-zee-likes-me/
October 7th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Oh holy HEEBIE JEEBIES.
You look wonderful btw, Sandy. You really are a beautiful Mom…try to love every minute of it!
well, not every minute…I know some of it sucks. hard.
Jay
October 7th, 2009 at 6:36 am
ACK! We have a spider stuck in Doug’s Corvette and I almost freaked when I was driving. It was around 1.5″ long in total. He’s making tons of webs in there and we can’t seem to catch him… Maybe it’s the season for them?
October 7th, 2009 at 9:51 am
I was nodding in complete agreement with your convictions in the beginning. Then I was laughing at you in the middle. THEN I was cringing because I HATE SPIDERS! UGH! I had to get over the whole bug thing with three boys BUT SPIDERS…..NEVER GET OVER THAT! We get huge Wolf Spiders in our house….so big I thought they were small tarantulas! Hold on while I cringe and scratch my arms to death!!
Don’t feel too bad I failed last week by not looking at Isaiah’s Pre-K calendar. I lost it and frankly didn’t care until I found out it was full of important dates! Oops! Sooooooo he did not have show and tell until two days late PLUS he didn’t take an apple on apple day! Ouch…..I suck! In my defense, all the other classes list these things on their front door as reminder for the next day. Why doesn’t his teacher do that for ME?!?!?
October 8th, 2009 at 2:00 pm