LEEP of Faith
There is an enormous maple tree in our backyard. Technically, it’s not really in our yard. The trunk and roots reside in our neighbor’s yard, but it’s colossal network of branches reach out and drape over our lawn.
It was one of the first things we noticed when we bought our house. Its massive height and trunk as wide as our dining table was mesmerizing, yet daunting (as a Florida native accustomed to hurricanes).
Babisodes now often looks up at it through her window and explains, “The tree tells me everything, mommy.” I found it rather curious how a 3-year old would say such a thing.
The last few weeks have been nothing short of chaos. Between my biopsy results, Dadisodes’ lay-off, and Babisodes’ preschool dilemma, our house has been a flurry of troubles.
The continuous trickle of challenges is now a heaping pile of mess.
My mother flew into town last week in time for my Birthday. However, her main purpose for visiting was for today. Today my Ob/Gyn finally performed my LEEP. Thankfully, there were no interns or medical students in the audience today, just a kind and reassuring nurse at my bedside and my doctor to talk me through the procedure. It didn’t take long. Perhaps 20-30 minutes, but it was a bit uncomfortable both during and after. Along with numbing medication, epinephrine (a drug that makes your heart race a million beats per minute) was injected into my cervix. Unfortunately, I required several doses, and my heart was ready to pound through my chest. But with deep breathing and focus, I muddled through it fine.
Now that I’m home and my heart has finished its marathon, my body is exhausted. It’s 3:30pm in the afternoon as I type this post. I’m alone lying in bed. The sunlight slipping through the shutters inside my bedroom windows is dimming. In the distance, a plane slowly hums across the sky. Downstairs, I hear Babisodes’ footsteps echo along the wooden floors, and behind hers, my mother’s. Just outside the back window, Dadisodes is raking leaves in the yard. The rustling leaves lulls my tired mind and body deeper into the sheets.
I just want to sleep.
As I begin to shutdown my computer, I cannot help but stare at the neighbor’s tall maple tree waving outside the window.
How many years has it been here? How many seasons? How many families have tried to cut it down or neglected its overgrowth? Perhaps over the years it’s become wiser, bending and swaying with the winds of change. Perhaps this is why it stands taller than every tree in our neighborhood. Always looking up. Standing tall. Never losing dignity, despite being stripped bare.
Results from my LEEP will be ready in 1 week. They will determine when and what type of follow-up care I will need.
Whether we will have health insurance by the time I need follow-up care is unknown.
Dadisodes has a few job interviews this week.
I am updating my résumé.
We will likely take Babisodes out of preschool this month, and have no idea if a position will open up at another facility this school year.
It is all out of my hands.
No matter what else I have to weather, I will always have my dignity and hope, a hope that will give me strength, a hope that health, opportunity, and light will grow in the days to come.
Perhaps the tree did tell Babisodes something.
And she kindly relayed the message.
(((hugs))) sweetie. Waiting for results is always one of the hardest things.
Veronica’s last blog post..Remembrance Day
November 10th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
So many things uncertain…..I’m so glad that your mom is there with you. You need your mommy at times like this……so many hugs from me to you….and Happy belated Birthday too. Sorry I wasn’t around last week….
November 10th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
There have been so many times in my life when I was certain things would not work out – but eventually they do. Just like they will for you. But while you’re in the thick of it, it’s so damn hard. My thoughts are with you.
SarahHub @ Oakbriar Farm’s last blog post..Gobble, Gobble
November 10th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
I am so glad your mom was able to come and help out a bit, and just be with you. I know the waiting is terrible.
I’m keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs!
Kat’s last blog post..Perspective
November 10th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Sandy,Hugs my friend I will keep you and your family in my prayers.Hope every thing turns out OK.
mike golch’s last blog post..A Prayer request.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
You and your family continue to be in my prayers. And, I agree with abunslife… it is good to have your mom at times like this. I’m glad she was there.
Donna’s last blog post..Day 10: My attitude today…
November 10th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Hugs to you!
What a beautifully written post.
I often remind myself that worrying never gets anything done and I always have faith that whatever is going to happen has a purpose.
Sending good thoughts your way all week
missy wiggins’s last blog post..Food is Rad.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
And life marches on.
You sound stronger now. I’m sure having your mother with you is a big help.
Relax and let life happen — maybe babisodes is right the tree tells her everything and it can speak to you too.
Sweet dreams, little girl, sweet dreams.
Patsy’s last blog post..Day 10 A Memorable Party
November 10th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
HUG. I’m sorry I have been so distracted. I should have been closer to this.
lceel’s last blog post..Happy Birthday, Marines
November 10th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Hugs to you. Don’t I know it that waiting is the hardest part. I’m thinking good thoughts for you.
skiplovey’s last blog post..No news isn’t good news either
November 10th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
UGH. I’m sorry today was not so much fun *hugs*
Things will look up. They’ll sort themselves out, maybe not in the way you imagined, but perhaps better.
Much love, feel better…
Ashley’s last blog post..The good, the bad, the nasty.
November 11th, 2008 at 12:00 am
*HUGS* No words – just *hugs*
Hecticmom Undone’s last blog post..I think I’m just going to bed…
November 11th, 2008 at 12:23 am
I’ll be praying for peace for each of you.
Kim’s last blog post..Menu Plan Monday
November 11th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I just wish for you and your family lots of blessings and love right now — and the dignity and hope you wrote about so eloquently.
Love that Babisodes.
Holly at Tropic of Mom’s last blog post..First flowers
November 11th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I am glad the LEEP was private, and that it’s over. I will be having various things crossed for you waiting for your results.
Last time I had a med student in the exam room, he got to watch me throw up in a garbage can. I had just breathed in radioactive dust, so they had to tie the garbage bag up and store it in a lead lined vault for a week or so. (The radioactive dust was for a test, not some bizarre accident…)
julie’s last blog post..My (not so much) best moments…
November 11th, 2008 at 12:32 am
PS Happy birthday!
November 11th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Hugs, Sandy. So much going on right now. Please rest and let Daddisodes take care of you. I’m sure you know about COBRA options (assuming it’s an option, though stupid spendy) if it starts to look like you will need more medical care, but I’m hoping you won’t. Babisodes and the pre-school thing might not be all bad, you know? Y’all will make it and be OK, I think, because it sounds like you’ve been smart along the way, and having your credentials on board gives you yet another option. Still, scary times. All of it. I get that. But I think you will be OK all around. I’m hoping and sending good thoughts. And, ouch, please be gentle with you and have a treat from the chocolate or coffee family.
November 11th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Oh honey…hugs to you. There is a whole lot on your plate right now. I wish I had it in my power to take away some of that. I will continue to hold you in my heart and pray for you each day.
I love what Babisoides said. Out of the mouths of babes…
Christine’s last blog post..The Naming
November 11th, 2008 at 1:38 am
My thoughts and prayers are with you, girlie.
November 11th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Hugs.. more hugs from me too.. I pray for this week to fly by..
Kim’s last blog post..Four years, 47 Days
November 11th, 2008 at 2:10 am
I’m all weepy now after that beautiful post. Thinking of you my friend…
kspin’s last blog post..Potential
November 11th, 2008 at 2:23 am
In all things, remember that God is in charge.. He is with you, and always love you… trust Him all your troubles ok dear?
all best wishes for you and family… so you all can draw nearer to God.
trinity’s last blog post..Weight Loss!
November 11th, 2008 at 2:33 am
Good luck with the results, Sandy. I’m sure one day you’ll look back at these tough times and feel good that it was in the past and made you a stronger person.
November 11th, 2008 at 4:49 am
happy belated birthday. wish your life full with ups rather than downs. treat all problems as challenges, and hope you will stay as cheerful as always.
Aidan’s last blog post..I Want to Argue With You
November 11th, 2008 at 5:10 am
Hugs to you.
I will be waiting along with you.
tiff’s last blog post..IVIG watch.
November 11th, 2008 at 5:45 am
Waiting is the hardest part (well I hope it will be anyway).
I think taking Babisodes out of preschool is a good plan. (preschool is highly overrated in some situations)
Good luck with everything! xoxo
dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..Bloggy Withdrawal
November 11th, 2008 at 5:48 am
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for all aspects in your Life, mainly for your health though.
Stay strong and take breaks and take care of yourself.
And maybe you should hug that tree, maybe it tells you something too
November 11th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Babe. I wish I could hug you right now.
Just know that although I haven’t commented on every post, I am thinking of you. And sending all my good thoughts and trying really really hard for you to feel that hug.
<3
Kelley’s last blog post..I cheated. I strayed. The one man in the world that always anticipated my needs. Please forgive me.
November 11th, 2008 at 8:01 am
You guys will be fine. It may be out of your hands, but it is all still in God’s hands. Get some rest. You need it.
Undercover Princess’s last blog post..Oprah
November 11th, 2008 at 8:44 am
It must be comforting to have your mother there to help out. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
wright’s last blog post..Happy Blogoverasry To Me!
November 11th, 2008 at 8:53 am
As I read your post this morning, I’m reminded of the many times in my life where I learned (repeatedly) that ‘change’ is the nature of life … and that all things work together for good … even when we can’t see it at the time. Your post poignantly reveals your inner strength and reminds us all of our interconnectedness. I’ve been praying for you and your family. I shall continue to do so …
I’m glad your mom is there to help out. Taking Babisodes out of school resolves one issue for the time being at least … giving you time to work things through with her. I hope you slept well and that you’ll give yourself time to rest. Remember … when one door closes, another opens.
Hugs and blessings,
storyteller’s last blog post..Ruby Tuesday #11 & Heads or Tails #29
November 11th, 2008 at 9:20 am
waiting is the hard part and, I wonder, if all the good thoughts flowing my would would make it easier for ME.
I still think it would (waitforit) FREAKIN SUCK.
thinking of you—-
MizFit’s last blog post..Quaker Oats, Workouts, & Miz Flashes the Windy City (not necessarily in that order).
November 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I am glad the Leep is over – you are strong and will make it through this challenging time. Sending you big Hugs today and waiting patiently to hear what the results are.
Michelle’s last blog post..Comment on At Least Sarah Palin Will Always Have Vogue… by Paul
November 11th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon!
November 11th, 2008 at 9:43 am
Well at least that LEEP is already behind you, I’m praying everything will work out just fine for you. Big, big hug, Sandy!
Jientje’s last blog post..Ruby Tuesday Fall Decoration
November 11th, 2008 at 9:51 am
I DO Think the tree is telling your family something!
All will work out . . . best wishes for a good rest and good results(my friend had the LEEP and went on to have 2 gorgeous babies!)
Great picture!
Tiaras & Tantrums’s last blog post..Do you Dust Your Lampshades?
November 11th, 2008 at 9:53 am
“The ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be as bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights. I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow.
Today I am blessed.”
Maya Angelou, Letter To My Daughter
November 11th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Waiting a week for test results as important as that is torture! I’ll be praying for you three. Kind of reminds me of when I was laid off and then broke my ankle. Can’t get unemployment if you can’t get to work, and I had no way to leave the house (couldn’t go up the stairs). So I had to live on a credit card for three months until the cast came off. Five years later, I’m fine, have a better job where I’m happier, still have a little bit of debt. Hope things come together for you and yours.
As for the tree, I’ve read that children lose their natural psychic ability (if you believe in those things) around the age of 3. I’d love to hear some of the things the tree tells Babisodes.
Dot’s last blog post..Veterans Day 2008
November 11th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I hope everything turns out good with the LEEP results. Sounds like you’ve had a really rough time! We also went through a period of joblessness, it was pretty stressful, but everything worked out in the end. I hope it all works out for you too!! I will be sending you good thoughts!
Around here, people would absolutely believe her. My family is Anishinaabe (Ojibwe). My son’s Anishinaabe name is Standing Spirit, and the spirit is specifically the spirit of the woods. Here in the big northwoods, the trees are an overwhelming part of the landscape and the life here.
I love that the trees are telling your daughter everything
On a side note: for the past few weeks, when my son wakes up, he’s been telling me that he fixes the sky at night
Isn’t it a wonderful age full of magic?
Kmommy’s last blog post..Gerber 2nd Foods With DHA
November 11th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Waiting is a tough place to be…Sending good vibes to all of you:)
Nap Warden’s last blog post..Princess Peach
November 11th, 2008 at 11:17 am
It’s good that your mom is there to help at this time. One less thing (one, hah!) to worry about. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
Now, I should go call my hoo-ha doc and schedule a long overdue checkup.
Michele’s last blog post..Monday
November 11th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I wish you health and peace. Pray for blessings, they will come. Warm hugs to you!
November 11th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I am praying for you all.
Babisodes is a wise one, but like it says in the Bible – and a little child shall lead them.
Beth (A Mom’s Life)’s last blog post..What Time Is It?
November 11th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
(((HUGS))) It amazes me that you manage to stay so calm. I will keep my fingers crossed for Dadisodes interviews this week.
Hopefully, that tree will whisper some good news to Babisodes soon and your life can return to normal!
XOXOXO
perpstu’s last blog post..Everyday Kindnesses #1
November 11th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I’ll keep you in my prayers that your test comes back with a reassuring result. More prayers for Dadisodes and a successful interview.
Tara R.’s last blog post..Providing Mojo communicates in the affirmative
November 11th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
We still keep you and your family in our prayers. Hang in there!
Amy @ The Q Family’s last blog post..Photo Hunt: Together
November 11th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
You just give me HUGE chicken skin.
Children are so much more in tune and open to things around them that we as adults are not for one reason or another.
I hope you recover soon and you start to feel some normalcy soon.
hugzzzzz………
Average Girl’s last blog post..Your Opinion Matters….
November 11th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Glad you survived, although the heart racing thing sounds scary. Rest up and hope all will be well. And Happy Belated Birthday! Sorry for missing it on Saturday, been super busy, just arrived in Seattle last night.
Angela at mommy bytes’s last blog post..Silly Monkey Story – A Family of Monkeys
November 11th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Beautiful post! Love it! positive and poetically written. I know you will get through this time and everything will work out perfectly. These life events make you realize what is really important in life and that you can get through anything! Sending more positive vibes your way! Babyisodes is so cute that is so interesting she said that! Where did she get that from?
Enjoy this time you have with your family! Listen to voices and laughs of a full house. Smile because you are very loved and mean so much to many people! You are in the driver seat of your state of mind! Keep the positive vibes (law of attraction). Love you Tons
November 11th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I am a firm believer that the Big Guy talks to us through our babies sometimes.
Good luck with it all!
November 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I just started to follow your blog – leaped over from a mutual reader…
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Laura’s last blog post..Post Cards, Whistling and Cranapples
November 11th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Good luck w/the LEEP – I hope you’re feeling better tomorrow and that the results are good.
VHMPrincess’s last blog post..goodness! PEOPLE!
November 11th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Sending positive thoughts across the miles. Waiting is so hard – hugs and I’m thinking of you.
kathy’s last blog post..Roller Coaster Physics
November 11th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Prayers for your peace of mind.
kontan’s last blog post..I am…
November 11th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Thinking of you during this time
really nice post
Elle’s last blog post..Faces of Freedom
November 11th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
i hope you got to rest and sleep some today and that you are feeling much better. it will be a long week waiting for the results i’m sure. but thankfully your mom and your husband are home with you to keep your mind slightly occupied. and also help with Babisodes.
right now i’m sure it feels like the world or at least your corner of it is falling apart, but hold on tight and i’m sure it will all work out… as a matter of fact I know it will. you are such a good, kind, sincere soul, only good things should come your way.
i’m sending HUGE hugs, warm wishes, loving thoughts and prayers your way. this is such a crummy time of year, when things are dark, and brown and cold so it is good that you have family around to help keep it warm and bright and cheery.
as for taking babisodes out of pre-school, to me, i think that is the best idea for now… you can always try to get her in some where else, and for now this will be a good break for her and for all of you.
i’ll keep my fingers crossed that when you are ready there will be the PERFECT opening for her.
lots of hugs!!xoxoxoxoxo
Jenn’s last blog post..Christmas Ideas
November 11th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Rest up Sandy, I hope you feel better soon. Glad it’s over, and hope that the results will be good. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
It sounds like you’ve got a good plan; having Babisodes around will be nice, I think, during this time. Good luck to Dadisodes on the interviews… I’m sure it won’t be long before something good comes up.
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Remembrance Day
November 11th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
FINALLY catching up after being gone for a week… to find all of this….
oh, hon. i’m sending good vibes, luck and hugs to you and the other ’sodes.
xoxox
November 12th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I am so behind. I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this scariness. I’ll cross my fingers, toes, legs, eyes that everything works out exactly as wonderfully as it should. Hugs. (and happy belated BDAY)
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..On being a girl
November 12th, 2008 at 1:54 am
Ugh honey! What a frickin’ week you’re having. Full moon is almost done. I PROMISE!!
Grandy’s last blog post..A High School Grandy
November 12th, 2008 at 3:50 am
Oh Sandy, it hurts my heart that you are going through all of this right now. What you are going through is what most Americans are afraid of. So, for my peace of mind AND yours, I hope that the results from the procedure are positive and that the job and insurance situation becomes merely a blip on the radar because everything worked out so quickly.
Thinking of you…
Natalie’s last blog post..Lesson Learned – For Now
November 12th, 2008 at 11:55 am
What a beautifully written post Sandy. Seriously. I’m only wishing for the best for you.
Miss’s last blog post..Oh jeez….
November 12th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
CC’s last blog post..Too much chocolate? Never!
November 12th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
November 12th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Prayers and best wishes for great results, Sandy. I’m sure the wise tree’s already told Babisodes the good news.
Daddy Dan’s last blog post..My Trip To Decatur
November 12th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
((HUGS))
I’m glad that it sounds like all went well. I’m hoping your results are also good. You and the whole family could really use some good news!!
I love the tree post. We have a tree like this (it is in our yard however) but I often wonder about it.
Jacque’s last blog post..The sooner you go to bed, the sooner Santa comes!
November 12th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
[...] physically (although my hoo-ha is still tender), but financially. And its not because Dadisodes and I are currently unemployed. Its because of [...]
November 13th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
*hugs* I wish I could tell you exactly HOW things are going to work out so as to relieve your worry, but I can assure you that things WILL work out. You and your family are strong. That is all that matters. Jobs, insurance, money, these things work themselves out.
Your health and your family are your focus. And your family will get you through your health issues. And so will we.
Happy belated birthday, too, sweetie.
Nola’s last blog post..Truly and Completely Done
November 15th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I am so glad I took the time to read the posts I missed. What a beautiful writer you are, S. Little children are so wise, just like your E. Best wishes with everything.
November 16th, 2008 at 12:17 am
[...] Well, aside from the usual. [...]
November 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am