No Money Mo Problems
I’ve been pondering this post for days. I began mentally writing it this weekend, and since then I’ve rewritten it a few dozen times. Without so many words, it all boils down to one thing- Money, and the lack the lack thereof.
Throughout my life, one rule has seeped deeply into the nooks and crannies of my brain (mainly by my mother)- never borrow money from someone else. In her mid 20’s, my mom had the financial burden of a hefty home mortgage, 2 children, 2 car payments, and 2 non-English speaking elderly parents. My father also contributed his share to the mile high bills, but the breadwinner was often my mother offering a steady salary and benefits. She never asked for help from anyone. Until this day, every conscious decision in my mother’s life revolves around the question, “is it financially sound?”
Over time my mother’s financial threads helped me to weave my own monetary fibers. I learned the value of saving at an early age. Despite years of begging for Guess jeans, ID shirts, and Nike shoes, she eventually taught me the true value of things (translation- I never owned designer anything). I never borrowed a penny from anyone until college and needed a student loan to pay for tuition. Six days after I wore my cap and gown I began work in a hospital. I worked the graveyard shift in the worst hospital setting of my career. 50 hours a week for a year, just to pay back my loan in full. Since then I traveled across the country, purchased a car and a house on my own. No help from anyone.
Then…I got married, and a joint account emerged.
Five weeks after the birth of Babisodes, I immediately returned to work. Since the age of 16, I’ve had a paycheck. If there was rent to pay, I worked and paid for it. If I needed comfortable work shoes that cost a fortune, I worked overtime and paid for it. However, now I’m a stay-at-home mom. There is no timesheet to fill out or time clock to punch out with. I don’t get a mandatory 15-minute break, or have someone to fill-in while I pee. Most importantly, there is no paycheck.
Now before everyone goes waving their arms in the air about how being a mom is the hardest job in the world, and if moms were paid they would make “X” amount of dollars…I know. It’s just that those monetary fibers have been so tightly bound within me that it’s hard to undo or see through them anymore. Dadisodes has never mentioned a word about my spending. It’s all me. My underlying instincts to only spend what I have. And what’s in my own bank account has dwindled down to nothing. I merely hold onto it because of my mom’s voice echoing in my mind. Since I don’t contribute a dime to my joint account with Dadisodes, I don’t feel entitled to use it unless I’m spending for our house or child.
I have not seen my name on a real paycheck in over a year. Since then, I cannot recall myself purchasing anything for myself without feeling a suffocating level of guilt. So after a year of credit card purchases (thank you ridiculous gas prices) I managed to accumulate a decent size cash-back bonus check. I used all of it to buy Dadisodes’ father’s day gift last week.
He is a big, fat coffee snob loves espresso, and buys it nearly everyday. Now he can make some at home! When shopping for his gift, I couldn’t help but peruse the other shiny items that I would personally love to have. But I won’t buy them…because of that whole paycheck thing.
Instead, I made sure Dadisodes’ espresso machine came with a steam wand. That way he can make me some damn cappuccinos.
I completely understand where you’re coming from. My mother worked so hard to teach me the value of always being able to take care of yourself and never have to depend on anyone for anything (much to this dismay of my grandmother, who, when I graduated from college, told me I threw my life away and would never find a decent husband). I’ve carried that with me now to the point of being petrified to do the whole joint account thing when I get married. I’m absolutely terrified of it!!!
Annie’s last blog post..Weekly Winners, 6/15/08
June 16th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I’ve also been lectured constantly about how to be frugal myself. But I wish they have trained me how to handle money at an early age. Sigh. Anyway, enough of the blaming. I understand where you’re coming from. It’s not easy to earn a living today. It’s so much easier when it’s only my bank account, I used to spend money without guilt.
But I have high hopes that this is just temporary.
P.S. I’d love an espresso machine. It would be neat to have that at your own home!
June 16th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I feel you on this big time. I was raised by a Dutch mom who instilled a ‘pay cash or don’t buy’ mentality … (though she DID buy things occasionally if she could get them ‘30 days as cash’ with no interest). I actually worked throughout my marriage and always brought home a paycheck, but we ‘pooled’ our money in a joint account so there was never his and mine. Interestingly, I seldom spent money on myself throughout my marriage. I even sewed my own clothes to conserve.
I remember (when he left the marriage) thinking I’d have to sell the house … but what I discovered was that I had enough money to live on w/o his paycheck. In retrospect, I realized he’d always spent his check on ‘toys’ … cars, motorcycles, computers, TV & stero-stuph, etc and we’d LIVED on my salary.
I guess I share this bit of history with you here to remind you that your marriage is a partnership … and you work at home … every day. What would you have to pay for childcare if you were working? That’s part of your ’salary’ … and the same goes for cleaning, cooking, shopping, running errands, etc. Methinks you’d be wise to sit down with Dadisodes and talk this through. I suspect his take might be different than yours.
Thanks for your comment on my HoTs post. It’s really TOMORROW’s post, rather than todays. I was just getting it ready and checking out the spacing when you dropped by and happened upon it. Today’s was Fun Monday #10 with photos of things on my WALLS plus 3 Manic Monday questions and some ‘musings’ …
Take care and think about what I’ve written here … ok?
Hugs and blessings,
storyteller’s last blog post..BYBS #6 and SSS – 7 Really Good Things
June 16th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
you go, girl. i have that “romanian peasant woman” mentality. if the balance in the bank isn’t at a certain level, i tend to fuh-reak out.
on the other hand, i have never not had a paycheck. i dont know how i’d feel if i were in your shoes. probably the same.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Fun Monday: Ting tang WALLa WALLa bing bang edition
June 16th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I wish somebody would’ve taught me how to do well with money. The first thing my dad asked Puppy after he asked for my hand was if he thought he could afford me. How selfless of you to take your cashback bonus & buy Dadisodes a nice present (when you could’ve gotten him a tire gauge).
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Crying Over Spilled Milk (of Magnesia)
June 17th, 2008 at 12:03 am
“Since I don’t contribute a dime to my joint account with Dadisodes, I don’t feel entitled to use it unless I’m spending for our house or child.”
Me too . . . this has been one of the hardest things about being a SAHM. I’ve never NOT worked (for a paycheck). I started at 14 setting tables at a local family restaurant and I didn’t stop until J came.
And look at you! Buying your main man a fancy gift! Heck, accumulating all that cash back is a lot of WORK!!!
LaskiGal’s last blog post..I’ll Always Love Chachi
June 17th, 2008 at 12:08 am
While I too have worked since I was old enough to babysit, and have paid my own way for nearly everything (including graduate school), I have to say that you need to sit down with Dadisodes and talk about this. Just because you are not bringing in a paycheck does not mean you are not contributing: someone is taking care of Babisodes every day; someone is doing laundry, cooking meals, running errands. I would venture to guess that someone is not Dadisodes. Although there is no “salary” associated with what you do, the fact remains that HE would not have the life he has if you did not do what you do; and as a couple, you have chosen to have one income and one at-home laborer. But what that means is that his salary pays for your work at home. And therefore, you should have some discretionary income. If it makes you feel better about budgets and money responsibility to set an amount, then do so. But you should have something that automatically goes into your account from every paycheck of his, that is earmarked for your personal use. And, you should be proud of yourself when you spend it, as it means you are part of a wonderful partnership with equal but different responsibilities that together makes a whole called a family.
MommyTime’s last blog post..Home on the Range
June 17th, 2008 at 12:15 am
I just watched a segment on the Today show the other day which recommended that there be three bank accounts (his, mine and ours). They never mentioned what SAHMs should do.
We only have one joint account. That way it is clear that all is shared. Maybe you can discuss it with your husband and examine the situation?
I’ve given up buying designer clothes, bags, and shoes a long looooong time ago, but I don’t feel guilty for buying a new shirt on sale at the mall once every couple of months, especially if I make a real effort to find bargains.
Karen of Sillymonkeez’s last blog post..Silly Monkey Stories: Literally Silly
June 17th, 2008 at 12:37 am
Girls, girls – you need to do a bit of online research and find out not only how much your home work is worth, but how much money you save by being at home to take care of things. If you can’t bring yourself to spend money you have not “earned” pay yourself for maid services (or have your husband pay you for other, more personal services, if you prefer) and put the money into your account. I have stayed at home, worked at home, and worked away from home at different times during my marriage. I can honestly say my biggest contribution to the household accounts has been made in the area of saving money by the skills I used in taking care of my home and family.
Eve’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Snow in June
June 17th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Annie- Wow! It’s amazing how the ideals of society change. The joint account thing wasn’t too tough to deal with until my paychecks stopped contributing
Yvie- Exactly! My own bank account was much easier. My money = less guilt
Storyteller- Thanks so much for sharing that. I had no idea that happened in your marriage. Dadisodes is definitely supportive of the ideals that my salary is in exchange for not having the expenses of childcare, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I’m very fortunate. It’s just me that’s looney.
planet of janet- Yes, I can relate to that bank balance level needing to be at a certain level.
Anglophile Football Fanatic- WOW! I can’t believe your dad asked Puppy that :O
I think my family was more concerned if Dadisodes could handle me…period.
LaskiGal- Yes, I’m so glad I’m not the only one
Thank you
MommyTime- Setting an amount aside is a good idea. We’ve never tried that. Just the sound of having something just for me sounds nice. Thank you
Karen- That is a good point they skipped over what SAHM’s should do.
Eve- That’s amazing Eve
So far I’ve tried the work outside the home, work at home, and now I’m doing the stay-at-home thing and I often wonder if I’m doing the right thing. It means a lot coming from a moms who’s been there and done that through the years 
thank you.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:50 am
Now that’s so much better than superglue!!
amy’s last blog post..Road Rage
June 17th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Heh. Smart thinking. I was a SAHM for 17 years and have been in school for 3 so I haven’t had a real paycheck ever. No I made $4500 when I worked the census in 2000 for 6 weeks. One of the reasons I chose nursing is that I know there will always be jobs available. I have never been rich and I am not destined to be wealthy and that’s ok.
I wish we were paid to stay home like in Sweden.
CrazedMom/JaniceNW’s last blog post..How To Raise An Almost Man
June 17th, 2008 at 1:10 am
I have not worked in a career since the birth of my second child three years ago. The first year was rough, took a lot of adjusting and now, even if it is tight, I am over that guilt thing. I rarely indulge on myself, but if I do and I can afford, then no guilt. I hope you are able to get more comfortable.
Not Just Any Jen’s last blog post..Happy Father’s Day
June 17th, 2008 at 1:13 am
You are a good person, Sandy. You are.
Me, I wish I had discovered Banking software decades earlier..
LB’s last blog post..The Angeles’ Playground
June 17th, 2008 at 1:21 am
ur mom has done and great job and so did u when u b4 u got married!
wen’s last blog post..Autoparts Replacement
June 17th, 2008 at 1:38 am
I have similar issues.
You sound like you handle money way better than I do!
And… I am jealous of that espresso machine!
June 17th, 2008 at 2:03 am
hugs to you and your dadisodes… shoo all guilty feeling, but I think you will have a wonderful family in this attitude..
June 17th, 2008 at 2:40 am
I totally echo what MommyTime said. You need to have an ‘allowance’ and to feel like you deserve it, hun. because you do.
also, seriously, how selfless are you for getting him the fancy coffee maker? (and there’s another example of what eve was saying – you just saved your family the expense of a daily espresso. you conquered the latte factor with your reward points!)
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..The Book’s New Lover is…
June 17th, 2008 at 2:41 am
I’m big on coffee….WHEN I had a paycheck thousand years ago, I used to get overpriced espresso drinks everyday…and I KNOW EXACTLY how much money you spent on that espresso machine – that’s love, girl!
Like you said, it’s not Dadisodes, it’s you…and I know how you feel. My husband appreciates me staying home and knows exactly what it would be like if I didn’t. Having a job, having a say over your bank account, and just having our “own” really fulfills part of our identity. When you spend such a long time being an independent person like you have, it’s hard to suddenly fall into a “dependency” state…i totally understand. Even if you had an allowance, I know for sure that the feelings you’re having never really go away. What gets me by is that I know being a SAHM is not a permanent situation for me, so I try to enjoy it as much as I can. Sometimes if I really want something, I just ask my husband to get it for me without just going and getting it on the joint card.
Jojo’s last blog post..My animal stories
June 17th, 2008 at 3:05 am
I agree with MommyTime, that’s what we do here – every payday some money goes straight into my account to take care of things like getting myself clothes, even taking the boys and I out for lunch once in a while etc. Mind you, the past 4 months have been pretty different with J at home, and I’m about to become the breadwinner… eek!
Marylin’s last blog post..For your viewing pleasure…
June 17th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Ah, I know how that feels except in my case, my (now ex) husband DID make me feel guilty about not bringing in any income.
But I still wouldn’t trade anything for being a SAHM!
I do advise you to keep a little in your own account though.
dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..Where I’ve Been Playing
June 17th, 2008 at 3:42 am
ok
Im still stuck on the fact you used my RINGTONE for a title.
MizFit’s last blog post..Tuesday Trends. (it’s a long one, folks. grab a healthy snack and yer water bottle)
June 17th, 2008 at 7:02 am
i know exactly how you feel. i wasn’t totally raised the same way… but i have always worked… since before i could have working papers, i babysat, full time in the summers and part time during the school year. i ALWAYS had my OWN money. i always PAID for things for myself. i had an income since i was 14 yrs old. sure i would ask my parents for things here or there, or maybe borrow gas money once in a blue moon, but i always had the money to pay them back. for a while i even worked three jobs, while trying to just make as much money as i could… the jobs were available the scheduling worked out and i was hungry for money. i always paid my share of bills in our house, and if i wanted something, like shoes or a purse or whatever, i used my money for it. i have a hard time asking other people to buy things for me, “hard time” as in i never do it. i feel so awkward when that happens. i needed new glasses a few years ago and i felt so sick to my stomach when bryan had to pay for them… and slightly embarassed too.
bryan has never complained about any part of being the sole provider and i don’t think he minds at all… but i still feel horrible about it.
this year for fathers day i only had minimal cash on me, so i was able to buy fathers day cards for my dad and bryan and a minimal gift each… nothing great at all. i felt like crap, but had no choice.
but i guess one day it will all balance out again when we do go back to work. i know that i’m a giver, i love to give whatever i can to people to make them happy and to help them out. and not even just monetary things either. but having your own money to help out with things definitely does make a difference in how you feel as a person. i know since i have become a SAHM my personality has changed a LOT… i’m not the same person, and in some ways that is good and in others i really miss part of the person i was. i’m not ever just me, i’m always someones mom or someones wife. not that i mind being a mom or a wife… just sometimes i want to just be me with no strings.
hang in there. one day you will go back to working and you will be able to hold your own.
i have started about collecting cans for now… lol
hugs!! jenn
Jennifer’s last blog post..Just Hilarious!
June 17th, 2008 at 7:43 am
Early in our relationship and marriage, Annie worked. And we have always had a joint account. There is not now nor has there ever been, in our relationship, ‘his’ money or ‘her’ money. There is ‘our’ money. And we decide, together, how that money gets spent. That said, Annie has always handled the books. She pays the bills.
Annie hasn’t ‘worked’ in 26 years, or more. I know she would like to contribute – that was our original plan – she’s 14 years younger than I and we figured that I would get to the point of retirement and then SHE would become the ‘breadwinner’. Her health, however, has put paid to that idea. But it’s still and always will be ‘our’ money. Just like it’s ‘our’ house and they’re ‘our’ kids.
When you got married, you became, legally, one ‘person’. That’s the way it has to be. What’s his is yours. What’s yours is his. In every. single. thing. It’s called being married. It’s trust and commitment and all of that goopey stuff.
I have seen marriages where each partner ‘keeps their own’. These are the same people who say, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.” They usually do – end in divorce, that is.
Listen to me preach – like I know any better than anyone else … all I know is that when Annie and I were getting ready to be married, having already been through a painful and ugly divorce, I told her, “Don’t do this unless you’re ready for the Til Death Do Us Part part, because there is no longer the word Divorce in my vocabulary.” She was ready. So was I. And we have only a joint account. And always will.
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..Live or Not
June 17th, 2008 at 8:53 am
I so get this. I feel like I could have written this almost word for word. I have ALWAYS paid for my own everything! I worked full time since I was 18 and had a job since I was 12 (I was a nanny full time in summers). It was such a strange and difficult adjustment not making my own money. The only thing that made it any easier was time (although it is still difficult at times) and the fact that my husband is so awesome about the money he earns being OUR money.
Still when I get birthday money (yep. my in-laws and sometimes my folks, will give me bday money. aren’t they awesome?) I will save it up and spend it on gifts for my hubby. It is the only time I feel like the gifts are even half-way from me.
I agree with Lou too. We used to have a joint account when we were first married and I worked. Then when I started staying at home we had just one. I feel like it is the only way not to say this is MY money and this is YOUR money. You have to eliminate those phrases. Everything is for the benefit of you as a couple and a family. I know so many women have a seperate account “in case” but if my hubby had a seperate account “in case” that would freak me out.
ANYWAY, I know what you are saying. It is a huge adjustment!
Kathryn’s last blog post..Defective
June 17th, 2008 at 9:28 am
You and my wife should talk. She pretty has gone through the same thing as you especially when she didn’t work and I was the only one bringing in the paycheck. I know that it was very difficult for her to ask me if it’s ok to buy something. Even though I really didn’t care a bit she still felt compelled to ask because she felt guilty since like you she wasn’t earning a “paycheck” (although what she does for us is worth more than my paycheck).
Man, the issue of money in marriage no matter how great the marriage is tends to somehow affect the realtionship in some adverse way….
Hang in there Momisode, when you go back to work, you’ll get your mojo back. Hey why not monetize your blog more. It seems that you have loyal followers and I bet your traffic is through the roof…Put more ads in your site so that you can earn some money. At least enough to buy the little things for yourself.
Chris’s last blog post..Going Green
June 17th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Money…I just shake my head…It would be SO easy if no one had to worry about it. I think it’s the biggest stresser in a persons life..you are effected no mater what.
mp’s last blog post..Lots Of Loving Blogging Bling
June 17th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I think that it’s absolutely fantastic that you were taught the value of money at such a young age. You weren’t taught that begging or whimpering gets anything. you were just taught to work hard. That’s fantastic. I also try and teach my children that hard work gets one far.
June 17th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
MommyTime said what I would have written. I think that’s a great thing to try.
I miss having a paycheck, too. Until I had children, I was on my own financially and everything I had or didn’t was a direct result of my own work.
Jennifer H’s last blog post..Revived
June 17th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
It’s a really valuable skill to manage your money wisely. I didn’t learn that until at least my mid twenties. Then I got pretty good at it.
I definitely relate in regards to the paycheck feeling. This last year that I’ve been at home has probably been harder for me mentally than for us financially because I don’t like that I’m not contributing to the account. I recently starting freelancing again and I have to say it feels great to be depositing money again. It’s not nearly what I used to earn but it’s fine for now and I can still be with the little guy. Funny how the guilt of not earning can get to you.
Awesome present, btw. How generous of you!
skiplovey’s last blog post..Miracle occurred, went to beach and avoided sunburn!
June 17th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Such a super gift! Does it come with a barista? Oh, I think it should!
Blessings!
Lacy
June 17th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Okay, this is a post I totally relate too.. having worked since I was 15.. though now I wish I did not have to work.. because living in LI I have too work.. there is just no way around it.. But having said all that.. you do deserve to spend on yourself. I will have to agree too with what Mommytime said…you need to give yourself an allowance..
PS.. That piece of coffee equipment is AWESOME!!
Kim’s last blog post..Things that make you go awwww..
June 17th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
i SO just gasped and i don’t even like coffee or it’s by products!! THAT THING LOOKS AWESOME!!! LOVE IT!
jameil1922’s last blog post..Are You Ready?
June 17th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Oh yay for the steam wand!! You can also make hot angels (steamed milk with flavored syrup – vanilla is best, caramel is good too) and real hot cocoa. I’d buy an espresso maching JUST for the steam wand if I could afford it *giggle*
Sarah’s last blog post..Terminology Tuesday – Calming Techniques
June 17th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Been there, done that, Sandy. In fact, for the first several years of our marriage, I was the breadwinner. The thing is, you and Dadisodes are in this together. You work HARD for all the things you do for your family and you deserve some things of your own. That’s your money, too. It’s hard to think of it that way, though.
Huge hugs.
Jen of a2eatwrite’s last blog post..Singular Saturday: Last exam was YESTERDAY; drive to camp is TOMORROW; anniversary celebration is MONDAY; see you all
June 17th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Not having a paycheck still bothers me too, and I feel guilty when I shop for myself — but I shop anyway! So I guess I just don’t feel *that* guilty!
What a nice gift for Dadisodes. I hope he really gets a lot of use out of it.
Holly’s last blog post..A good deed gone bad
June 17th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
My mother in law did this early in the marriage. She saved enough money after 10 years of marriage to buy her husband a low end Rolex. She still talks about how proud she was of her saving and giving it back to her husband.
Your spending guilt probably causes you to be more frugal and money conscientious if nothing else.
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie’s last blog post..Wisconsin Northwoods
June 17th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
NICE MACHINE!!! Lucky Dadisodes…
So, I really hear you on this lack of a paycheque thing. I’ve been home over 3 years now – after being part of a 2 income family for over 10 years, making the same if not more than my hubby by the time I made the decision. I had a nice severance to start, which helped pay for our kitchen reno, but as soon as that stopped, I felt it in a physical way. My own savings have dwindled significantly. And like you, I spend our joint account on things for the house, food and kids. Period.
Problem lies in that I am a shopaholic; shifted that somewhat over to my girlie, but I still get the occasional thing for myself (as I’m sure you’ve noticed LOL!)
Once I started a bit of work from home, my MOM was so thrilled, because she’s big on women being financially independent, and rightly so. But it stings; why should I feel less worthy just because I chose to stay at home with the kids, the most important people in our lives? And why should having a paycheque ‘improve” my station in the marriage? Hmpfffftt!
I agree with some of the others, you should try to monetize your blog more. You’ve got quite the following, and every little bit helps, right?
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Ancient Chinese Secret?
June 17th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Wow…I think I grew up just like you. I learned to save money very early on because of my parents. These days, I see people with huge credit card debts and wonder why they spend more money than they actually have. It never made sense to me. But now I know it’s because the idea of saving money and not spending it on ‘unnecessary’ luxuries have been so ingrained in my brain.
Although I don’t buy the $2,000 Versace purse I really want, but at least I don’t have the burden of having to pay for it when the money could go to something more important like my utility bills. I think it’s a good idea to teach children to save money. It’s better to not own that beautiful Versace purse than eat moldy bread because you are in debt (this is a real example of what my roommate did).
Linda’s last blog post..CVS and Family Dollar Stores Inc. Sued for Impressions of Perfume
June 17th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I always admire people like you that have worked so hard for everything. I’m starting to get that kind of work ethic but haven’t quite achieved it. That is a sweet cappuchino machine.
soge shirts’s last blog post..Paparazzi and Publicists
June 17th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Man do I know this song! I have worked all my life, and never been handed anything. I grew up on a farm…that’s hard work. It’s hard not having a paycheck, I too feel the guilt every time I spend money. It has nothing to do with Husband…it’s all me. Being a Mom is hard work…having no money of your own is no fun. At least our kids are cute;)
Nap Warden’s last blog post..Urban Pony!
June 17th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
First, fantastic gift! My gift to my husband was dropping off the munchkin at my gym’s daycare while I worked out, so he could nap.
And yes, money. That was pretty much my experience growing up. While I don’t want to generalize, sometimes I think it’s partly an Asian thing too, as all of my “kids of Asian immigrants” friends grew up the exact same way – you were taught the value of money by never getting what you wanted unless you worked for it, never relying on anyone else but yourself for money, and 100% accountability for everything that you do that might bring in some cash. I’ve been working since I can remember – first doing chores at the house, then tutoring Chinese kids in English at age 12, then working throughout high school and college at Target, Brookstone, as a waitress, whatever…and a lot of times at the expense of my studies, just so I could make that extra cash to buy what my other friends had. I wasn’t deprived by any means, but my parents didn’t believe in excess…meaning, Guess jeans and Nike shoes were definitely out of the question!
And a lack of a paycheck is one of the reasons why I continue to toil away in a full time job. It’s part of my DNA….I can’t get away from it. But I also like to splurge on nonsense items and designer shoes, so I’d feel bad dumping that on my husband…
Thanks for sharing your feelings and experiences.
My Asian Heritage’s last blog post..Top 5 Korean Treats
June 17th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I completely understand your guilt. Way to get a little something for yourself in the Father’s Day gift!
Karen’s last blog post..Whose Boy Is This Anyway?
June 17th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
I want THAT machine. OH.. moMISODES!!
Beth from the Funny Farm’s last blog post..Why I don’t need any HAPPY drugs!
June 17th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
OH this is a GREAT GIFT!! I’m sure you scored some serious points!
Grandy’s last blog post..Rewind & Repeat
June 18th, 2008 at 12:32 am
I totally hear you Momisodes. Although I only started “working” in my senior year of college, I have learned how to value money. It’s always “not all that” but in reality, money is important.
How did Dadisodes like the gift?? =)
louann’s last blog post..Rainy Days and Mondays….
June 18th, 2008 at 7:54 am
You know what? I felt like that when I was on maternity leave. The best thing MPS and I did was to put a category in our budget called Mad Money. We both got the same amount and we could spend it on whatever. Sometimes I would save it up and buy things like a food processor or something or just a bunch of flowers. It made me feel better knowing that it was budgeted for, it was MY money and we both had a little spurge.
Kelley’s last blog post..Dont you hate it when..
June 18th, 2008 at 8:58 am
I think you and I were separated at birth. TOTALLY know what you feel. I am now working only 3 days a week and bringing in far less cash than I did pre-baby. And far less than the hubs. BUT I LIKE that if I want to buy, say, a bench for the back porch, I can without feeling guilty–not that the hubs lays any guilt at all on me. It’s just the idea that I have some financial contribution into the scene.
Oh. I hate money.
Nola’s last blog post..Libations on a Friday Afternoon
June 18th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
I was raised the same way and even though both hubby and I work, we are still barely living paycheck to paycheck. It’s the sacrifice for living where we live.
What a sweet wife you are! That is a great gift for your husband! I too miss the days when I could buy for me, me, me but there’s also a great satisfaction seeing someone else enjoy something that you put so much thought into getting for them. Especially if your husband is like mine and doesn’t like to spend money on himself. Hope your hubby loves the gift!
SherE1’s last blog post..Someone found their nose
June 19th, 2008 at 1:36 am
sore subject with me and my hubby.
but we are a work in progress
so grateful to be mormon’s last blog post..in silence
June 19th, 2008 at 4:10 am
I totally feel this. It was a hard hard transition. To you I’ll admit that the recent appearance of life insurance benefits has helped level that field – and brings with it a whole NEW arena of weird feelings.
Ugh.
Dawn’s last blog post..Haiku Tshirt
June 28th, 2008 at 10:12 am