Read It FIRST!
Life is a bit crappy right now. Crap with a capital S.HIT.
It’s snowing all the time, it’s so cold I can only feel my toes about 30% of the time, hubby is working 14-hours a day, and I’m preparing for our move, blogging, working online, and holding up the fort with a toddler at home by myself every. single. day. Funny how the drug and alcohol epidemic seems much clearer to me now.
Here’s how I greeted hubby when he walked through the door last night:
Me- *runs over to give a big hug and starts crying*
Hubby- What’s wrong? Are you alright?
Me- I don’t know. Something’s going on. I think I’m pregnant.
Hubby- Uh….err….um…..uh, okay. What makes you think you’re pregnant? Are you late?
Me- No…*sniff*… but I just cried while watching an episode of The Facts Of Life!!!
Yes, I’m pathetic. No, I’m not usually like this (nor do I usually watch The Facts of Life), but I just don’t feel right. If I didn’t have a toddler that would run for kitchen knives or unlock the front door and walk outside and hitchhike her way out of town while unattended, I could honestly sleep all day. I’m exhausted. Yet I still find the strength to heifer myself to the kitchen for food every 15 minutes. This is precisely what my first trimester was like while pregnant with my daughter (minus the constant urge to barf).
As I forced myself out of bed this morning, I knew exactly what I needed to do. The first urine of the day is the most accurate for pregnancy tests, so I had to do it. The trick was holding my bladder until I got the damn thing out of it’s package! It amazes me how much harder it is to hold it for those extra 45 seconds. I ripped open the brand new box of generic Target brand pregnancy tests, removed 1 individually wrapped test (of course it’s sealed tighter than vacuum pack of beef), and did my best to not pee all over myself and the floor. Immediately the lines on the stick fill *heart races* and I scream through quivering lips (and not in a good way), “HOLY $#!@! There’s 2 lines! There’s 2 lines!”
Hubby outside the door says in a soft, broken voice, “uh, …Sandy… what does that mean?”
Note to self: READ THE FREAKING DIRECTIONS FIRST before peeing on the stick!!!
Thank GAWD! I was just thinking that I totally missed out on the process if it were positive.
Oh well, if at first don’t succeed, try and try again… Think of all those good side effects!
LB’s last blog post..The Girls from Ipanema..
January 28th, 2008 at 1:31 am
LB- LOL! Indeed…but not looking for positive results just yet
But trying is always fun 
January 28th, 2008 at 1:38 am
I was getting all excited on your behalf. Oh yeah all your symptoms? Are mine too. 10 days til my (highly irregular) period is due. 10 days is counting to the very longest my cycle has ever been.
I even burst into tears when Nathan told me I coun’t squeeze a pimple on his shoulder. That is just wrong!
Veronica’s last blog post..Loads and Loads of Bling!
January 28th, 2008 at 2:35 am
LOL, I’m glad, no toddler, no move and not pregnant here
But I feel your pain.
I can only imagine how it is trying to organize a move when a bored toddler is around, hubby works for 14 hours and you feel like shit.
I could crawl under the blankets and stay there all day as well.
Oh well
Spring will come, I know it
!
And it must be better than the last few weeks!
Promise
January 28th, 2008 at 2:42 am
LOL…sorry to be lol, b ut this post is entertaining…and you are so cute! You reminded me the first time I did a test with my bf bec we thought…then, we had to go back to the package to read the instruction…
Mariposa’s last blog post..The Gift
January 28th, 2008 at 3:09 am
be patient, try again…good luck
wen’s last blog post..Big Bang – World Record
January 28th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Gawd. Why do pregnancy test have to be so damn complicated?! I never knew what I was looking at either when I did them.
Perhaps you have a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder? I know I do. Winters not spent on the slopes since I’ve had my twins are brutal on my emotions. Once spring hits, I’m all good again. Then summer and I’m bouncing off the walls.
Huckdoll’s last blog post..I Like Stuff
January 28th, 2008 at 3:19 am
I was about to congratulate and send some pickles and sour plums over. Geez. Don’t pull that stunt again unless it’s for real OK?
I’m glad you don’t have to endure moving while puking.
I think you have cabin fever. Yep, definitely cabin fever. The only cure? I’m sorry to say is a trip way way the heck further south where it’s warmer. Or wait another 5 months until summer.
Jennic’s last blog post..Sick
January 28th, 2008 at 4:51 am
Oops.. I almost congratulate you for that, but then agghhh… it’s false alarm.. is it? or you have to wait longer and then try test it again?
Sorry, I’m not familiar with that kind of thing
ecky’s last blog post..10 Holiday Gifts That Could Ruin a Romance
January 28th, 2008 at 5:45 am
I started jumping up and down here!! I would have come to the same conclusion if I’d taken that test. What a silly results window!
Jenty’s last blog post..Oh fearless one
January 28th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Uhhh…ummm…Congrats? *giggle* You said it wasn’t time…so the no + is a good thing…but I’ll hope for you that when the time does come there are THREE lines in the windows *giggle*
Sadie’s last blog post..I can’t believe I forgot…
January 28th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Congratulations and a big sigh of relief on your non expecting status.
We’re pleased to announce that no plus sign means your uterus is currently accepting applications from qualified sperm. Please be sure that if you are not in the position to be able to give these qualified sperm a home for the next nine months you need to be sure to turn off the vacancy sign and ensure that the entrance is blocked.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
Rachel’s last blog post..Weekly Winners
January 28th, 2008 at 8:50 am
What do you mean – “totally missed out on the process”?
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..Monday Morning
January 28th, 2008 at 9:50 am
I’m glad you don’t have to move while feeling barfy!!
Hope you feel better today….don’t let the stress of moving get to you!
Adrienne’s last blog post..It’s. Never. Going. To. End. *Sigh*
January 28th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Ahhhh….I was having panic attacks for God’s sake!
Seriously, I looked like I was watching a real suspensful movie and then “WHAM-O” the much anticipated part jumps out at you!
I can say this though, I don’t know if I was saying “Yes…Yes…be positive” or “No, NO…Not YET”.
I cried after watching an episode of “Full House” the other day! And yes…I do indeed watch Full House! Anyway, I know I’m not prego as I don’t have the parts anymore however the lack of hormones could have been a factor!!!
Sorry you’ve been stressed though! Things will be normal again soon!
Krissy’s last blog post..I’m going big time!
January 28th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Hey, good luck. Good thing you have bloggy frineds while you’re trapped in the cold with a toddler. Thanks for checking in on me, I’m fine but having a little blogging crisis at the moment.
Lisa Merritt’s last blog post..Here a Twitter There a Twitter
January 28th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I used to cry at the Kodak commercials. SOB. Glad everything turned out as you wanted it to for now. And it sounds like you need some down time. Try to find it. I’ll be sending good vibes your way.
Jen of a2eatwrite’s last blog post..Music Monday – “So Happy Together” The Turtles
January 28th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I have to admit that I was excited too for you. Not so much after I finished reading the whole post … You got me there
andie summerkiss’s last blog post..Bank Mandiri – Colonial Style
January 28th, 2008 at 11:28 am
You are too cute! I do hope you feel better! Belated blog hopping here
(Sat was WAY too busy lol)
Ashley’s last blog post..Do babies feel more pain?
January 28th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Oh gosh Sandy, you have your hands full. I would send some sunshine your way if I could.
And that test? That’s the kind of test that makes everybody pee on it ten times before they believe it. WHAT on earth is the purpose of a line showing up on that side at all? Why not just have no line LIKE EVERY OTHER TEST if it’s negative? None of this fancy schmanzy stuff, just yes or no please.
By the way – I cry during commercials sometimes, and there’s a snowballs chance in heck that I’m pregnant.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
You need some sun…since a cruise is not probable at this time you need to find some fake sun…You have also just got over being very ill and are working way too hard. No wonder you are so tired and feeling blah! Take care of yourself too. Promise!
Christine’s last blog post..Begins With The Letter C.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Hey….which episode of The Facts of Life was it?
Nick’s last blog post..Bill Maher: Genius….NOT!
January 28th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
I know that the situation was not funny for you, but it was hilarious for us. I’m not sure what sentiment to send, so I’ll just say “May you get what you want when you really want it.”
cajunvegan’s last blog post..Making the Switch
January 28th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I had these really deep, meaningful words of wisdom – but decided instead to give you this:
(Everyone sing along!)
You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The facts of life, the facts of life.
Tasina’s last blog post..Weekly Winners 01.27.08
January 28th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Opps!you’re not looking forward for another bb?kekeke!I really donno what to say!If you’re not ready yet,that’s ok Take it easy sweetie.:)
sweetiepie’s last blog post..Snowing again!!!
January 28th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Aww, yeahh.. take it easy
bbZuSh’s last blog post..Disasters & me
January 28th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I was laughing so hard when I read this earlier…I was checking out all the proper links to thank you for the sweet award last week when I saw the pregnancy test and couldn’t finish my blog because of your story! Too cute. Glad everything worked out ok, but does this mean you are doomed to a non-pregnant reaction of crying at Facts of Life? You better stay far away from Nick at Nite.
HRH’s last blog post..Monday morning potluck…
January 28th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Oh girl, I’m sorry you’re feeling so crappy. But congrats? on the negative? You know I cry at everything now that I’m a mom. The previews at the movie theater are the worst. I don’t know what gets me going on those but I tear up everytime!
amy’s last blog post..And I was JUST at Target!
January 28th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Holy cow!!! So dramatic . . . the climax of this post was riveting! And then . . . plunk. Loved it!
I was so emotional–strangely so, last week, that my hubby asked if “it” was possible. I told him that NO. NO. And, NO. But I still used the “I’m hormonal.” That excuse may start to wear thin after awhile.
Oh, and to Amy’s point–I think I cry at everything now as well. I NEVER used to cry!!!
laskigal’s last blog post..Family Feuds and Daily Drama
January 28th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Lol! How funny! I always think I am pregnant…ever since I had the babies it is this everlasting fear I will have twins again, lol. I cry at everything [seriously] though, even more so now that I have children!
Meagan’s last blog post..Uggggh.
January 28th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
girl i just got choked up at the thought of you being preggers! i was excited! lol. but if you don’t want to be then yay i’m glad you’re not! lolol.
jameil1922’s last blog post..Blog Beef!
January 28th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Oh. My. Heck…. Your first line reminded me of my first reaction after a pregnancy test revealed I was pregnant with my third. Seriously… all that my mind could hold was “ShitShitShitShitShitShitShit…” It was my third pregnancy and I didn’t figure it out until I was almost through the first semester – yeah – big surprise… Anywho. So, I read your story with great anticipation and felt great relief for you (because it appears not being pregnant was the answer you were hoping for…) – AFTER I read the directions – they should standardize those things!
I should add that when I told one of my best friends about my 3rd- she knew my how already frazzled I was with my other two… Oh, and the tears of fear may have communicated something to her… Anyway, she said the best thing, “Oh honey… I’ll congratulate you in a week.”
May the snow melt soon – so your your toes get warm. It’s amazing how warm toes can change the world
jennyonthespot’s last blog post..I’m not trying to brag,
January 28th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Well, what can I say? Would you feel better if I told you we’re having a blizzard, most of the roads are closed, cars and trucks slid off all over e states, and they had to send some school kids home early ’cause they were afraid the roads would drift full and everyone be stuck at school all night? No? Listening to someone else’s misery doesn’t cheer you up? I hope at least I didn’t make you cry again. Maybe if I stop fixing my typos I can bring you a laugh. Look on the bright side – uh, is there a bright side? Oh, yeah! Turn on all the lights in the house – that will make it bright. Have a better day. I feel your pain. I HATE moving, but I just can’t seem to stop doing it.
Eve’s last blog post..The “E”s Have It
January 28th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I was 26 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old and was trying to sell/show a house ALONE. I definitely feel your pain, pregnant or not. Question: Were you a smidgen disappointed?
Siobhan’s last blog post..In a Beautiful Quandry
January 28th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I’ll take your snow and you can have the barometric pressure that keeps my headache going…it is 70 one day and 31 the next.
Congratulations! You cry over anything – you are a woman with hormones!
AtomiK Kitten’s last blog post..Migraines are hideous…and other random thoughts.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I was so nervous and I actually got nauseous waiting to see the result of YOUR stick. Then, I was cheering, then I wasn’t. Now, I am crying. So, thank you for that.
Crying is that one part of motherhood that nobody tells you about, along with guilt, sleep deprivation, worry…..oooh there is a whole novel of things they don’t tell you about….it is a cult.
Sassy’s last blog post..How Much?
January 28th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Stupid second lines. I would’ve done the same darn thing.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..My First Weekly Winner
January 28th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Oh no – you poor thing! I would have freaked out too.
Hell, I’d freak out now if that happened to me, and it seems like you’ve got way more on your plate than I do!
Annie’s last blog post..1/27/08
January 28th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Well the comments are just as funny and I am guessing you weren’t thinking it was immaculate conception hey Mary -missing out on the process.
Are you trying ?
Hope tomorrow is brighter for you … it is today here for me.
Thanks for your warm comments – you always make me smile.I love your smile it brightens my day.
Though some days I cry at the silliest things – cheer up.
Babyamore (Trish)’s last blog post..Feels Like Sunday
January 28th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
God, just looking at that test stick gives me flashbacks. PTSD. Not a good thing. First the donuts and now this. What are you doing to me?
Angela’s last blog post..Whaddaya Want?
January 28th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
lol sorry but I couldn’t help but giggle at the end of this post!
I cry at the drop of a hat these days – i think my hormones are totally all over the place from having Max… seriously, Madagascar and Ice Age (Zack’s fave movies) have me blubbing my heart out, especially IA. Oh dear!
Marylin’s last blog post..Haiku Friday #2
January 28th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I guess I’m not the only one thinking I’m pregnant all the time. I actually just thought I was pregnant for the last two weeks, but refused to take a test. I’m crazy that way.
This was a fun post!!!!
Kathryn’s last blog post..Scrolling Saturdays #2- Working Triage
January 28th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
You had me going there for a bit Sandy… it’s gotta be the weather, the fact that you’ve been feeling not great for a while.
I actually never relied on Home PT’s, so I wouldn’t have known the first thing either!!!
Get some rest, my friend. Spring’s almost here.
karen meg’s last blog post..Last Bastion of Hotness
January 28th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
hey there.
I think you just may have a case of Winter Blues!! This weather is sucky for sure!! I just saw that Boston got hit with snow yesterday or the day before… YUCK!! I was thinking of you guys. We missed it here, too bad you didn’t too!! I CANNOT wait till Spring! I’m having major cabin fever!! I could cry too, but then it would ruin my tough girl/bitch reputation! uh! can’t win!! 
I think that reading is more like a maybe/possibly/not sure than anything though. WTH?? What kind of markings are those?? duh!!
I totally get the tired/dead feeling and the missing the hubby thing too! I hate those long work weeks/months/years. Bryan does a lot of on-call work and also does some side jobs and also has a pretty healthy social life! UH!!! It is hard to be home ALL THE TIME and all the time while trying to pack… and all the time with a doggy and most of all, ALL THE TIME with a TODDLER. I know you love her and she is sweet, but sometimes it totally sucks being the only parent around.
Although I know you aren’t sure if you are wanting a baby #2 or not really that… but when or all of the above… but it is still a little disappointing when you get a negative reading!
Well I hope you feel better soon! I hope you have a really SUNNY and warm, you know like 40’s (lol but seriously that is warm right about now) or higher day tomorrow.
Smile! You will have plenty to distact you from the crappy weather soon as you get in your new home!!:) How many days till the move???
Sending lots of sunshine and hugs!!!
xoxoxo Jenn
Jenn’s last blog post..Just a thought…
January 28th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
ROFL!!! You all crack me up
Thanks so much for the support and positive vibes 
I’m so glad I’m not alone in the hormonal turmoil. Soon I’ll be having a breakdown in mid Hallmark store isles
For those who asked, No- we are not currently “trying.” We’re still hoping to be able to experience “trying” for a kid one day…
And no I wasn’t very disappointed. The next month or so is going to a nightmare packing, moving, unpacking, and getting adjusted to our new place….plus, our new mortgage will not afford me to eat like a pregnant woman!!!
Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply on this post…I’ve been feverishly trying to send you all replies via email….
*HUGS*
January 28th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Jenn- Awww…thanks so much
Sounds like you have it way tougher than I do ….I have no idea how you manage with 3 kids….and blog 
Yup, we got hit with snow yesterday. And yes, 40’s would be fantabulous! *sigh*…..I’m really starting to grow an unhealthy relationship with this white stuff….
Counting down the days until Spring! (too bad there’s so many of them…)
January 28th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
G’day from Australia,
What a wonderful post. I really enjoyed the way you led up to the conclusion!
However, if the cold weather is getting you down, just jump on a flight here – it’s mid summer and it’s hot!
david mcmahon’s last blog post..Naked Ambition
January 28th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I freaked when I figured out I was pregnant with The Little Man! All is well now, but he was unexpected:) Don’t watch anymore Facts of Life…
Nap Warden’s last blog post..Will There Be Anything Else?
January 28th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
lol.. ha ha you crack me up.. funnily enough even before I finished reading your post I looked at the picture and thought ohhh she is pregnant lol…
mojavi’s last blog post..my little lover of all things creepy crawly…
January 29th, 2008 at 12:09 am
A great blog and a post that really made me smile.
Thank you and Good luck with it all – whether you’re ‘trying or not’
Peace and light,
Maithri
Maithri’s last blog post..The Forgotten
January 29th, 2008 at 12:19 am
I get that “Note to Self” thing. I’ve always peed first, read instructions later. Too bad for that man in the mens restroom…shoot…using typing voice for the voices in my head again, huh?
Hang in there lady…you’re stressed, tired, possibly pms’g (note previous donut post) and entitled to cry at the sight of toilet paper AND The Facts of Life.
grandy’s last blog post..Silly Random Blogthings
January 29th, 2008 at 12:31 am
hi, good luck next time
hazel’s last blog post..Barbecue Dry Meat.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:41 am
[...] « Read It FIRST! [...]
January 29th, 2008 at 1:11 am
hahaha…you made me laugh. I love Facts of Life
Mommy to Chumsy’s last blog post..Clear Your Clutter
January 29th, 2008 at 6:46 am
That is exactly why I could only get the sticks that told me .. I did not want to fall prey to the lines..
And step away from the facts of life!!
Happy Second Line Making..
Kim’s last blog post..Where is my Nursing Home Application?
January 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am
LOL! You’re too much!
I am wayyyyy too familiar with those things AND the TWO lines.
(the ones that tell you you’RE NOT pregnant)
I don’t think I ever saw a positive! I found out through a blood test due to the whole IVF process… LOL
Bonita in Pink’s last blog post..PicLens Screencast
January 29th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
LOL! I laughed so hard reading this!! That was TOO funny, damn, I gotta go clean up my face now…get all this makeup off that I just ruined.(snickers) I’m saving you to my blogroll. You have a wicked sense of humor I greatly admire;o) Have a good day.
Crystal’s last blog post..Tag and Suprises!
January 29th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
That happened to me once when I saw 2 lines and my heart stopped beating for a moment till I read the instructions again… and thank God, it was only positive if there was a blue cross!
Shireen’s last blog post..House Clearance Service
January 29th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Sounds familiar. But did you feel relieved? Before I get the monthlies, I’d soemtimes hope to be on the way but when I get my monthly thing – I have to admit I’d feel relieved. I’m weird, I know.
Happy trying. Wink.
mama meji’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Catcha!
January 30th, 2008 at 12:38 am
Hmm… taking the pregnancy test can bring either joy or sorrow. When are you ready for the second baby?
Jo-N’s last blog post..Demand Less and Thank More
January 30th, 2008 at 12:39 am
Ha ha! I always pee into a (disposable paper) cup first, then open the test and dip it into the cup. Or is this way TMI?
Constance’s last blog post..Welcome
January 30th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
When I was trying to get pregnant, I took many pregnancy tests. And I always had to re-read because the – and the | to me looked like a + so I thought it was saying positive. When it finally did show + I had to quadruple check the instructions. Rrrrr.
Hope you feel better soon!
Nola’s last blog post..Adrift at Bacchus
January 30th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Bless your heart! I know how you feel – those are some of the same symptoms I’ve been experiencing recently. In fact, several months ago? I did the same thing – peed on a stick to make sure.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Anxious Turdburglar
January 30th, 2008 at 6:55 pm