Screech
Tuesday and Thursday mornings have the same routine. It’s been that way for months now. With much trepidation (mainly on my part), Babisodes began her preschool education early throughout the summer when a local preschool notified me of an available slot. Feeling a sense of urgency to seize the opportunity, mainly because preschool waiting lists and admissions here rival Ivy League schools, we signed her up. And surprisingly enough, she handled it like a champ. No tears. No gripping hugs. Not even a look over the shoulder at drop-off. It actually worked out perfectly since many of her classmates were older veterans at the school, and took Babisodes under their welcoming wings.
Then the fall semester started. And unfortunately, the miss-mash of varied aged kids scattered off into new classrooms. Younger children, 2.9 years to early 3’s split into a few classrooms, and older Pre-K children into others. Among the 12-14 kids that Babisodes spent the summer with, only 1 made it into her new class this year. The rest of the children are young, preschool first-timers. And after three months of this new school year, half of her classmates are still adjusting. And by adjusting, I mean, screaming, tears, and wailing every.single.day. Although I’m unsure whether the deafening cries last the entire day, I do know that when I pick her up, they same kids are crying. Like a daytime soap opera, there is little need to watch everyday. I can tune in 6 months later, and pretty much follow what’s going on, who’s playing which character, and know that there will never be an end to the story.
I’ve spoken to her teacher. I have met the children’s parents. They all seem to agree that this is “normal” and it will get better. Okay, fine. But herein lies the many problems. My child who once begged and begged to go to preschool every day, hates it. My child who excitedly ran up the steps to see her friends, begs to stay home. My child who would not stop talking about how much fun she had with Tim, Maria, Joey, Alex, Sue, etc, etc, now cries, “I miss my old friends.”
And I can see it. I peer through her classroom window and see the look on her face. Her glazed expression and flat affect speaks volumes. It tells me more than her firm tugs upon my pant leg, or unrelenting grasp upon my hand. She is unhappy there. She longs to be surrounded by children who are not screaming in misery. She needs challenges physically, intellectually, and socially. Not a hovering dark cloud every Tuesday and Thursday for months on end.
The worst part of it all, she is starting to emulate their whining and screaming behavior at home. We are certain this is learned behavior, and are now faced with a growing challenge of her reverting back to crying and pointing as a means of communication.
Frankly, I’m a little fed up. Preschool is a massive chunk of our monthly budget. And with Dadisodes’ recent lay-off, I’m inclined to permanently remove the expense and take my chances with the cutthroat waiting lists of other preschools for next fall.
What would you do?
If you are not happy and you see babisodes is not happy then definitely go with your gut. It may save you some money for the time being too!
We have had kids at the school I work at, have trouble adjusting. While most do adjust, there are always a few who need more time at home with mommy before they are ready to jump into it again. Some kids do fine two days a week and others have a hard time getting used to the 2 day a week away from home thing. If you want to try another facility you should. it may make a huge difference!
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November 6th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
that sucks. i know what you are going through. trevor loved pre-k his first time around he wasn’t quite three yet, but he did great. he was with older children and loved them, and the time he spent there. it was GREAT!! he never cried, never looked back and never minded being there. THEN he went to a new class room when he was going to be four… it was in with the school district and he had different kids and a different teacher and helpers… he did great the first few days… then the second week, he started… he cried and would cling to me and beg to not be left there. he hated it. he didn’t have fun. he got in trouble he was whiney and bratty at home again, and it wasn’t going great at all. he was bored. they didn’t keep up with him. they babied the “babies” they helped the special needs children and ignored my child and other children that were “kindergarten ready”… it wasn’t fair… and he really disliked it.
it was FREE for us to send him this last year b/c it was part of the school system now… so i only took him here and there. he never went a full week and i would mostly pick him up early. it wasn’t a great experience for him, but both Trevor and Bryan & I learned that we are going to have to deal with some sucky situations while he is on this journey through life with his education.
BUT in all honesty… if i had to pay for it and he was that unhappy i would have taken him out.
maybe you could get babisodes into a new preschool or maybe she could be put into the older kids class so she can be with her friends again and be stimulated mentally.
this is just my opinion… but really i hardly sent Trevor and that worked for us… and as much as i was dreading kindergarten… b/c of how pre-K went last year for him… i am very happy and more importantly so is trevor. he loves it. he is learning so much. his teacher is awesome. she does a lot with them and keeps them going and learning all the time. it is more like a first or second grade class… no baby crap. they play but more with science stuff and rocks and learning stuff than toys and they have tons of fun but it is all wrapped neatly around learning something.
i would take her out.
hope this helps. good luck it is a hard choice.
xoxoxo
November 6th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Missy- Thank you. I actually thought of you when I wrote this post because I know you deal with these issues first hand. I really do believe that some of these kids may need more time with their caregivers at home. Unfortunately, there are so many of them in this class who require so much more time and attention, that I fear it takes away from the children who are adjusted. I really feel for the teachers as well. I can only imagine how challenging it is for them.
November 6th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I with Missy. I think it’s potentially just as challenging at home as it is going to school – as a pre-schooler. It’s just that there isn’t the socialization that happens in pre-school – but playdates with other kids and other organized activities with other local kids can readily substitute for pre-school social skills. The trick is meeting other local Moms and making those arrangements.
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November 6th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
If Babisodes is miserable and you are unhappy, I definitely think you should switch schools.
One of my mom’s friend’s daughter was supposed to start pre-school back in July. Her mom heard wonderful reviews about the pre-school she signed up for, so she didn’t actually go visit the place until a few days before class started. As soon as she visited the school and the kids there, she immediately canceled because the conditions were not even close to the praising reviews. She had to put her daughter on a waiting list for another school, but it was all worth it in the end.
Drawing for this example, I would encourage you to switch schools for Babisodes. After all, you only want what is best for her.
November 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
If she hates it, take her out. You taught her to walk and talk. You can teach her to count and color. You can take her to the park or mommy and me things. Kindergarten is the SAME.WAY. Even by the end of the year – Monkey Butt still had kids that cried all day in class.
I would take her out, though. Neither one of mine did Pre-School and they turned out fine.
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November 6th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Jenn- Thank you. I do remember you alluding to how unhappy Trevor was then. I don’t blame you for not taking him there for a full week. We’re currently taking Babisodes the minimum amount possible, and she is hating it more and more. We never saw this coming since she was so happy throughout the entire summer. I think if her preschool were free, I would perhaps try sticking it out (not sure). But it is a huge expense right now. Thank you so much sharing this.
lceel- I agree the socialization is missed. Sadly, all of the friends we know are in preschool. I may need to start seeking out new mom friends.
Linda- I’m so sorry that happened to your mom’s friend. That’s awful. I am certainly considering taking that same route.
Undercover princess- I’m certainly considering it. That’s awful kids were still so distraught after a year.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I’d have my kid out of preschool yesterday if he or she was clearly miserable and it was clear the administration and teachers weren’t going to change anything. Many, many people experience the school-scene socialization first in kindergarten, and they manage to do just fine.
Outside of preschool, play groups are great for kids, and they provide opportunities for parents to socialize and meet new people. With a little effort, a group of parents could have a truly happening twice-weekly group. I don’t know what resources are available in Boston to support such an effort. We were lucky to find an organization in Lewisburg (small-town, PA) that sponsored playgroups.
In any case, my vote: save the money now and make your kid happier. She’ll have plenty of opportunity to be miserable once the law requires her to attend school
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November 6th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Here, your kids don’t really go to “preschool” perse unless they are “behind” or family life isn’t good (like, they won’t let you in unless your child NEEDS to go). There are some “daycares,” but it’s just so different.
While I think socialization is important, I think if she’s unhappy overall, it’s not really worth it for preschool right now. Here, we have programs like MOPs (mothers of preschoolers) and Mother’s Day Out where you can get together with moms you may not have met otherwise. You live in a larger city, so maybe you guys can do something like that?
Good luck with your decision!
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November 6th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Dova was a screamer, but from all accounts, she was fine as soon as we left. She’s still not thrilled about going to school, especially now that her best friend is no longer there. But we have a long history with this school and trust them. She is always a happy girl when we pick her up and she does great projects in class. Since Babisodes and you are new to this school, it doesn’t seem like it is working out. Don’t let the long waiting lists scare you. I would suggest you take her out, especially considering your financial situation.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I don’t have kids. But I’d pull Babisodes out in a blink THEN I’d call the parents of her ‘old friend’s and set up a regular play date with some of them. That way she still gets the much needed socialization with people she LIKES and you don’t have to pay anything until next year.
If your girl is unhappy it is NOT WORTH IT.
November 6th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Your child being happy is worth more than anything else. I am not a parent, but I was once a child.
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November 6th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Everyone else has spoken my words. I’d pull her out and put focus on playdates and enriching activities. But, then the double entendre: are you considering going back to working more from home in light of Dadisode’s layoff? Her happiness is most important, but what’s good for everyone is, too.
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November 6th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I haven’t read the other responses, but I would say take her out. Do some homework on the net re. homeschooling and do that instead until you get more income and you think she’s ready.
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November 6th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I’d pull her out. My son is in daycare and crying and being miserable all day is not the norm. In fact, it’s a really happy place — chaotic, but happy. Put her on a waiting list for another class or ask if you can take her out until summer classes resume due to the loss of Dadisode’s job.
Sorry to read about that by the way. On top of having a someone exhausting pregnancy, my company announced about a month ago that my department and position are being dissolved. Come mid-December I will be out of work too. Here’s hoping that Dadisodes and me and everyone else in our positions finds something even better!!
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November 6th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
If it is an expense you really don’t need right now, and you know Babisodes is completely miserable, I vote with keeping her home. Maybe you can have play dates for her and her old friends on their off days. I had to make the same choice for my son when he was younger. There was no benefit in his abject misery. At that point it was a complete waste of time and money.
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November 6th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I would probably take her out. She doesn’t seem to be getting anything positive from it anymore. And at that young age she doesn’t really NEED to be in a school setting. Maybe you could just find some play groups or something instead. Just to get that child to child interaction.
) if I were her. It just doesn’t sound like a pleasant environment.
I feel so bad for her. Here she had so much fun in her first class and this one is miserable. I would go crazy listening to kids scream and cry all day (wait! I do!
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November 6th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
That’s a tough call. I would hate Babisodes to be in a class that she doesn’t like and that doesn’t challenge her, but I would also be scared to pull her out and be back on the waiting lists.
Yeah, I know. I’m no help at all!
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November 6th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
As I read this I felt my eyes becoming watery. My son is only 3 months and I cannot imagine him being sad as I go off to work. This post reminded me of my post Going back to work at http://allwomencanireallyhaveitall.wordpress.com/. I wouldn’t know what to do.
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November 6th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
The biggest issue to me is that she is learning way way too young that school sucks. Most kids get there eventually, but preschool should be a great experience so that she has a good base to build on. Associating being miserable and unhappy with school is a tough start.
Is there any chance she could be moved to another classroom? Maybe with some of the kids she was with this summer? If that could happen, it might be worth trying, but it is also a very valid choice to pull her and keep her home for now, or find a different preschool. (I would suggest trying not to get sucked into the whole idea that kids need to go to the “right” schools, the “right” activities, all that. But I have never lived in an area where that was an issue, so I don’t know how important it is where you live.)
I think I would pull my kid and worry about next fall later, and look for alternatives — museums and public libraries and the Y, even Barnes and Noble has a story time, I think. Or instead of preschool an activity like dance class or swimming lessons…That way she gets the socialization, learns a skill, and avoids the screeching.
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November 6th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I would pull her. You can do most of that stuff! Google ‘preschool worksheets’ or ‘coloring sheets’ etc, and you can print stuff off online. Or dollar stores usually have pre-k and k workbooks, my daughter loves them. Subscribe to a parenting magazine (many are free for a year) for craft ideas or go to the online websites. Target dollar bins often have flash cards, etc…you can do it all in a very cost efficient manner. For the social interaction, try ballet or Sunday School or one of the community sports. I pay $35/month for a ballet/tap combo class which I’m sure is cheaper than preschool tuition!
November 6th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
You got some great advice already. Clearly you know your daughter and if she isn’t happy I don’t know that its worth it to send her and take that much out of your budget. I say get on the lists for the other schools and invest a little money in some learning games and art projects for home while you wait.
Good luck with your decision!
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November 6th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
When my kids were little there were no preschools. All four went straight to kindergarten. They all did well but I have to remember that all the kids were the same and had not attended preschool. I think that if I were paying for that I would pull and wait and try to get her enrolled somewhere else. I would get depressed in that class. She had a really good experience in the summer. This could undo it and cause her to hate school. A little break wouldn’t hurt at her age. Lots of your readers have some really great ideas.
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November 6th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
This situation sounds stressful. Can you talk to the director and ask that she be moved to another classroom? Otherwise, I’d start looking for another preschool.
November 6th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Everyone pretty much summed up what I think would be a good idea. Good luck with you decision!
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November 6th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Pull her out. If she begins hating school now, it could be a lifelong thing. She’s only three. Let her try again when she is with a different group. Esp. with the job situation. It’s not mandatory & certainly won’t hurt her in the long run.
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November 6th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Follow your instincts!! I say pull her – add her to another great waitinglist – AND homeschool here.
Horizons has FABULOUS homeschool materail – VERY CHEAP – My daughter LOVEs to do homework at home!!!
November 6th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I think this is a tough call. After all, she won’t get to pick her classmates in public school when she’s older. I believe she will adjust. She may just want the same attention the other kids are receiving. If the children are still crying at this stage in the game, I wonder how well the teachers and school are handling it. I can’t help but wonder who or what is feeding into these behaviors?
Meanwhile, if it’s a money thing, then definitely pull her out. But, if it’s just that she doesn’t like it, I would stick to my guns. I did have a similiar situation with my son, who everyday didn’t want to go to school. It was hard (and sad), but I stuck to my guns and didn’t give in. Fortunately, he goes to school now without any problems.
I know I have a minority opinion, but in the long run, you have to do what’s best for your family. And, if you do pull her out, there’s always next year. Good luck and let me know what you decide.
November 6th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
It seems to be an unhappy place for Babisodes now, with the added stress of an additional expense for you and Dadisodes.
I think the main issue is the happiness of your daughter.
That trumps everything. She should be in a motivating and positive environment.
If not, I would take her out and find another preschool when money allows. As for waiting lists, I wouldn’t worry.
Don’t stress out, you have enough to deal with now.
Good Luck.
November 6th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
I think LCEEL gave you some good advice; as did others. If babisodes is that unhappy and her behavior is being influenced that much I would say take her out.
You might check with some churches around that have Mother’s Day Out programs. I know my grandchildren attended such programs before their mom decided to work in a pre-school and they enjoyed that.
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November 6th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
OK, I’m not a mom, so I know that this automatically kind of takes a way a few credibility points, but have a pretty firm idea of what I think I would do while realizing that each parent gets to pick for their own what’s best.
Me? I’m not sold on pre-school entirely anyway for most kids as a matter of course. I’m just not. Sure, some kids thrive, and I don’t see it as necessarily harmful, but if Babisodes is not wanting to go, why should she? Especially right now with the financial considerations and with the changes to the environment there (which I think makes zero sense), I bet you could create enriching activities with her and even with some other moms and kids that would be just as social, just as educational but also would be more fun and less stressful. Little bitty kids don’t need stress. Sure, maybe when they are older as they start to grow up more and more, but not at this young age. Go to museums, take walks, cook together, play together, sing together, explore together – all the stuff I bet you already do anyway. And then call it good, pat yourself on the back and treat yourself to a latte since you’ve saved so much money in the process of doing what might be better anyway. My $0.02.
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November 6th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
I don’t have kids but I worked with preschool age children for about two years ago as a behaviorist and preschool can be a great learning environment if the children she is schooled with are the same maturity and developmental level. Unfortunately, if it’s the scenario your describing they can learn their bad habits as well. .
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November 6th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
If she hates it and there’s a big expense, pull her, and then call the parents of her old friends and get a play group together?
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November 6th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I would take her out. I would hate for her school experience to be tarnished due to the other kids, especially with the cost of it these days.
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November 6th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Hmmm, I guess I wouls try to have her moved to the other class…
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November 6th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
We never sent our kids to a formal preschool. They had a preschool program at the in-home daycare they went to. I personally don’t believe that it’s really important to spend a fortune on preschool programs. For the most part, you can’t tell the difference between the kids when the graduate from high school.
3 and 4 year olds will be just what they are. Very little kids.
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November 6th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
The whole purpose of preschool is to give her the building blocks for learning, a desire to learn, and the chance to develop social skills with her peers. It doesn’t sound like that’s happening. If the school isn’t willing to consider moving her with her peers, I’d cut your losses and take your chances else where.
Just my two cents.
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November 6th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
You should go with your gut.
If I were in your shoes, I’d probably take her out. It’s an extra expense that she’s not happy with anyway. You can always look for other preschools or playgroups.
But you know best!
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November 7th, 2008 at 12:11 am
No hesitation…I’d take her out.
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November 7th, 2008 at 12:19 am
I can see waiting it out for a couple of weeks, but this is November. If these kids don’t adjust soon I don’t know if they ever will. I am really surprised the parents and teachers consider this normal.
If the whole reason for sending her is social skills/development and she is not getting that what’s the point? You can always drop out and come hang with us…
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November 7th, 2008 at 12:28 am
This is just a suggestion – but, if you can, leave, and then come back about 45 mins to an hour later and watch her some place that she can’t see you. If she still seems sad – then I’d say find somewhere else. There are so many preschools out there (even if they aren’t the Ivy League ones.
)
However, saying that – I recommend that a mom always listen to her gut. You have to do what is right for your family. This may not be the preschool for her. (I personally am a big proponent of preschool – I think it sets kids up for success in elementary school – which then sets them up for success in middle school, and then into high school.)
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November 7th, 2008 at 1:11 am
[...] « Screech [...]
November 7th, 2008 at 1:17 am
f the answer of teachers and parents is “that’s normal” and there’s no end in sight, plus her being unhappy and starting to act up like they do – take her out and look for other means to get in touch with kids and get her occupied.
There must be another way…
Best of Luck!
November 7th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Take her out!! Give her the happiest start possible!
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November 7th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Since Dadisodes just lost his job and because preschool is so expensive, I would pull her out immediately.
Preschool is a tough one. My kids had days were they didn’t want to go but for the most part, they both found one or two friends that they seemed to cling to and they had a great experience. Plus they learned a lot. However, if my husband lost his job, that would be one of the first things to go. (As much as I would have hated giving up my free couple of hours every week.)
I am praying for you guys. I hope Dadisodes is able to find something quickly.
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November 7th, 2008 at 8:50 am
I would pull my child out. Usually, the kids should adjust within the first month so this is strange. My niece was in a similar preschool situation and lasted the whole year. It took my brother over 6 months to reverse her learned behavior. I saw the same issues as you – tantrums, not using words, hitting and fighting with my daughter when before the experience, she was a good kid. Best of luck!
November 7th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Outta there. My husband stays home with my 3 year old (she didn’t make the preschool age cut off). Maybe you can do that while you are waiting for a new school. School should be FUN.
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November 7th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
When my oldest was 4 the only playmate in the neighborhood was much this same way, whiny and somewhat of an unruly girl. My daughter started to act the same and we started time-outs. Eventually we ceased the playtime with this girl and guess what? ONE week and right back to sweet little girl…
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November 7th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I would have to agree with the majority of responses; I would probably pull Babisodes out and try for a different school/program next year. I would agree that the whining and screaming seems to be a learned behavior and perhaps pulling her out would alleviate that problem. Besides… saving the money might help right now.
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November 7th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I would probably pull her out for the time being. If you’re looking for socialization opportunities, check out your local libraries, etc. I’m sure you and she will be able to meet other kids & moms this way. Or start a playgroup that meets regularly.
If she’s that unhappy and finances are a worry, I don’t see many plusses(?) in this situation.
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November 7th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
its normal for kids to cry especially at such a young age. be patient and i personally think that the most important thing is that teachers have the experience to handle crying kids.
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November 7th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Sorry to be commenting so late … but methinks I’d go with your gut. I’m not sure 3 year olds NEED to be in an expensive preschool program when they have conversation and interaction from loving engaged parents at home … seriously! Mommy & Me programs and supervised park or playground interaction can provide the opportunity to develop social skills.
Hugs and blessings,
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November 11th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
[...] been nothing short of chaos. Between my biopsy results, Dadisodes’ lay-off, and Babisodes’ preschool dilemma, our house has been a flurry of [...]
November 11th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
[...] following here know that we are less than satisfied with Babisodes’ preschool and are considering removing her from her current program to start her elsewhere when funds [...]
November 14th, 2008 at 1:04 am