*Note to all arachnophobes*-  Do not scroll down to the end of this post. My camera has a decent zoom.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m really cut out for this mom gig.

Not only because I have always felt out of place in those “mom groups”, but also because every now and then, I royally screw up.

The “me” before motherhood, you see, was a bit of an overachiever.

I was the kind of child who aimed to please her parents. Always pulled an “A” average in school. And as a professional, was never less than 15 minutes early for work.

Today, as a busy mom, it is a good day if everyone gets where they’re going with matching shoes. Screw being “on time.”

But I’m a stay-at-home mom. It is my responsibility to make sure these things are covered. And this year we have moved into the overwhelming world of daily preschool.

It’s a big deal. It means no pajamas after 8am, hair needs actual brushing, and I have to put on my social smile each day as we walk the halls of preschool around other moms.

You know, the moms with matching shoes.

So I promised myself I’d get my act together. This could be my last year with my little girl before our other child arrives.

And every week, I’ve been good. Prepared. Punctual. No major slip-ups on my part, and Babisodes has adjusted wonderfully.

Until last week,…when I failed.

Or shall I say, I made my daughter fail.

Each parent received a notice stating the class was building a terrarium, and each student should bring in a little critter from their home garden.

Examples such as slugs, worms, and grasshoppers were given.

Now, as a nurse, I can deal and have dealt with a lot of things- blood, death, burning flesh. I’m cool.

Bugs?

*dies*

My immediate thought. Panic.

Second thought. There must be a bait store somewhere that I could just buy a worm and never have to touch it. But that would be teaching a 4-year old how to cheat…in preschool…on her first assignment.  Perhaps now is not the best time for that.

There is a reason why I have never been camping. While growing up in Florida, I lived the daily nightmare of being attacked by mosquitos, crunching snails beneath my shoes, and having geckos stick to my shoulder.

That was enough terrarium life to last a lifetime.

But nevertheless, I didn’t give up with the assignment. I couldn’t. Dadisodes was out of town.

So I tiptoed my way through our weed-ridden backyard and scoured the ground for signs of life. I decided early on that if I had to dig through dirt, there was no way. So worms were out.

As I turned left towards a patch of mulch, I noticed slight movement. A three-inch slug slithered a slimy trail along the top of…. a huge pile of dog poop!

Okay, slugs were out as well.

We trudged on towards the side yard where the sun shades the ground and keeps it moist. Something immediately tickled my arm.

It was a spider web. I had walked into a spider web.

Holy crap, (don’t scream) get the freaking spider web off me now! And where IS the spider?

Hello, my name is Sandy. I made my 4-year old daughter fail her first preschool assignment.

Next week’s assignment: Bring in 1 apple.

If I send her in with 2 would I be screwing up again, or would it count for extra credit?