What?

This not the bikini view you hoped for?

Me neither.

But unfortunately, this is what I have now.

I was so relieved when I avoided surgery while giving birth two months ago.

Apparently, my sighs were a tad premature.

Friday night I was rushed from the E.R. to the operating room to have my appendix removed.

Awesome right?

Now I look like I was sprayed in a drive by shooting.

There is a third bandage, but I’ve decided that way too many people have been looking at my lady parts as of late.

I am still trying to look past the fact that this all happened at a teaching hospital, with many, many students.

And I did not shave that day.

And my panties had a hole.

And I was in the E.R. for so long without a pump that my boobs leaked everywhere.

I’d laugh at myself, but it freaking hurts.

Yup, I’ve resolved that I will be so far from looking hot for a very, very long time.

Good thing I have Percocet to get me through it all.

Narcotics and stool softeners.

It’s all good.

—

Moms do a lot so be sure to send flowers for Mothers Day this year.