“When will I have my birthday again?”

And who can blame her? I have distinct memories of wishing I could attend the same big kid elementary school as my older brother. Then in high school, I remember crossing off the days I would no longer be a bottom feeding freshman.

Is there an innate desire to yearn for what lies ahead? I suppose I raised this question because I have never seen a child say, “I love being ten. I wish I could be ten forever.”

I know I certainly never felt that way. Time seemed to pass at a turtles pace throughout childhood, always looking forward to the next holiday or day off from school. It was not until I hit my mid-twenties that I wished timed would slow down.  Actually, just freeze for a while.  The prospect of thirty was not a welcome one.

However, thirty came and went, with plenty of milestones passed along the way. Things such as buying a home… twice, having a child, moving across the country, and switching careers. Events that seemingly accelerated the passing of years.

Last year has been no different. In a blink of an eye, my baby turned four, our family went from making ends meet and saving money to unemployment and digging deep into our life savings.  After a year long struggle with trying to conceive we have finally been rewarded with an early baby bump.

However, what I have learned since I was young and wishing I could be madly in love forever, is that the only constant in life is change.

Time stands still for no one, and there are no guarantees for tomorrow. Although the light at the end of the tunnel may represent new possibilities, it will not be the only dark and narrow passageway that lies ahead.

Last week, after a year of struggling with precancerous cervical cells and treatments, my pap smear returned with unexpected NORMAL results (even though my last biopsy four months ago yielded abnormal cells).

My doctor and practitioners have reassured me that this sometimes just happens.

Somehow I’ve found the light.  Or perhaps it found me.

Either way, I am acutely aware that this may not last forever.

But for now, I am basking in the warmth.

And for that I am grateful.

Grateful for today.