The heels.  The lipstick.  The lacy lingerie.

It’s awesome. Never mind the fact that I can’t remember the last time I actually utilized any of the above.

Also, I’ve never been a dude.  So, perhaps I’m a little biased.

Anyhow, from my experience, possessing a bit of feminine wile certainly has its perks.

When huge, ugly spiders come into the house, Dadisodes gently escorts them back into the outside world using some household vessel (i.e. cup or tissue).

I’m too delicate to witness murder of any sort.

In sixth grade, during a sweltering, humid Florida afternoon, my P.E. teacher blew his whistle to signal everyone onto the field for a 1-mile run.  I skulked off to the side, hunched over, and whimpered something about ‘cramps’ and ‘first time’.

It’s amazing how much cooler it is sitting under a tree.

However, like anything with great power, comes great responsibility.  Which usually translates to something not so pleasant.

You know, like childbirth.

Having to prove that you can open jars on your own.

Allowing complete strangers to stare and poke at your va-jay-jay every year.

Or worse…

Mammograms.

Leave it to Murphy to give me lumpy breasts the only times in my life I actually have boobs.

While breastfeeding Babisodes four years ago, I found a lump in my right breast.  Many, many people I didn’t know felt, scanned and looked at my boobs.

Turns out, they found nothing.  Once I stopped breastfeeding, it went away.

This time around with Bittysodes, my doctor found two new lumps just last week.

She didn’t want to mess around so she felt, scanned, and ordered a mammogram to cover all the bases.

I will never look at a Panini sandwich press the same ever again.

Before going in for the procedure I had an idea of what was in store, so I tried my best to empty as much milk from my breasts as possible.

But those machines?

Holy cow udders Batman.

It’s too bad there were no metal buckets in the room.

Or booze…or stress balls.

I do not look forward to doing that again for a long, long time.

At least I hope.

I’m just incredibly thankful that it all worked out, again.