This was really the only way I could fly: drugged and muted.  The stewardess didn’t even bother to offer me a beverage.  I stood up with my head bent forward, ducking below the overhead compartments, and inched my way into the line of passengers in the center isle. With each step, I grasped the back of an unoccupied seat, struggling to find my balance.

Once I finally reached the front of the aircraft, I stopped to face the exit door.  The searing summer heat shook me sober, and my eyes stung from the blazing afternoon sun.  Beside me, a pilot’s voice mumbled, “Enjoy your stay in San Diego.”

The sunlight here was different from the sunlight back in Florida. Although it was roughly the same temperature, the air was drier, and my tank top did not stick to me.  The shadows cast from the tall palm trees seemed strangely unfamiliar. Perhaps the fronds were a different species. Late afternoon hues along the pavement even appeared foreign, from another world.

My luggage made its way around the baggage carousel, and I yanked each suitcase off with fervor.

“One. Two. Three bags.” I thought doing a mental count.

I turned around and swiftly maneuvered my rolling baggage behind me. Weaving in and out of the congested arteries of the terminal- a dense network of blond hair and tanned skin scattering in different directions- I was clearly a foreign body.  The wandering stares at my high-cheek bones and pin-straight black hair offered a self-conscious diagnosis that I did not belong.

But more pressing concerns sped the pace of my feet, nearly as quickly as my thoughts.  Anxiety. Fear. Determination. All pulsated against my frontal cortex.  With each step, each heartbeat, each breath, the uncertainty of a temporary work assignment for the next three months seemed too heavy to bear. No car. No map. Not a familiar face within three time zones.

This was not part of the itinerary.

Steps away from the exit, my stomach overturned as I whispered softly beneath my breath, “What the hell am I doing?”

But a blast of 100F degree heat from the sliding automatic doors focused my thoughts, as if they were curtains pulled aside to expose a new life.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–
Somehow I knew, that on that day, my life would never be the same.  However, I would have never imagined what I would discover during that “temporary” work assignment.  Despite living alone out of a few suitcases, with a horrible job, and not knowing a soul, I somehow found Dadisodes.

Years ago we would lie about how we met, back when meeting someone online was deemed taboo, too dangerous, and merely for the eccentric internet user.  But I have no regrets taking the dive to meet him in person on a whim. Even though I was only to be there for a few weeks, I took a chance.  I figured my chance was lost when he ended of our first date with a handshake, but with a stroke of luck, all the odds were in my favor, and another date followed.  Turns out, he was just a geek gentleman.

Happy 5th Anniversary Dadisodes…

Perhaps we can do Vegas again someday.

Visit  Seven Clown Circus for more Wordful Wednesday participants.
Or visit 5 Minutes for Mom for Wordless Wednesday

Five years ago I went to a casino. I was invited by two co-workers to a gambling establishment just outside of San Diego.

I figured I would try my luck one more time.

The only other occasion I had to step foot into a casino was on my 24^th birthday. Dadisodes and I just started dating, and we headed to Las Vegas to celebrate. 

It was my first experience with gambling. And although my 4-inch black heels sank deeply into the luscious casino floors at the Venetian, the entire place reminded me of a facility set up for children. Is it me or do casinos remind you of Chuck-e-Cheese or Dave and Busters…with a lot more booze?

Anyhow, I was clearly in over my head. Especially after I withdrew $200 from an ATM and perched myself in front of a group of slot machines.

They were not just any slot machines. These had a $50,000 Mercedes Benz within arms reach begging to be won.  A lit a neon sign above the hood flashed, “Win this Mercedes or $40,000 cash!”

Within five minutes, I had sunk $100 into one slot machine below the car.

I was no idiot. It was time to move on.

Upward and onward I went to the blackjack tables. And just before my legs sat crossed upon a stool, a roar of cheering erupted behind me.

Someone had just hit the jackpot…on my slot machine.  

One of my worst birthday memories is of watching a crew haul that Mercedes down from the tops of the slot machines for someone else.

So when I entered the local casino with co-workers, I was a bit hesitant due to my unfortunate past.

As soon as I arrived, I wanted to pass out. The thick, congested nicotine air was enough to kill the gaudy silk plants in the décor. I had to break apart from my co-workers to seek refuge in a smoke-free area of the casino. It was a hallway, barely wide enough for one 80-pound cocktail waitress to walk up and down with a beverage tray.

But I had no choice. There really was no other place I could go, other than the inside of my car. And of course, in the confines of this claustrophobic space, there were two ratty nickel slot machines. One of which was already occupied by a moo-moo wearing elderly woman with rollers in her hair.

She didn’t smell so I sat beside her. I had another hour to kill and $5 in my pocket, so I lowered my chin into one hand and began dropping silver coins with the other.

Five bets later, my machine lit up.

I mean it lit up while setting off deafening sirens and flashing lights. All I remember seeing on the screen was “Tilt.” And the only thing going on in my mind was, “Score! Maybe I won back my $5 dollars.”

After the commotion died down, a tiny slip of paper slid out from the machine.

“What? That’s it? I get a lousy receipt?”

But as I looked down, the voucher read, “Winner of $540.00!”

I nearly passed out again. This was far better than the five bucks I was expecting.

As I held that meager, thin slip of paper, the world around me froze. The surrounding voices, ringing, and music all muted. I tightened my grip around the fragile evidence of my fortune, and wanted to shield it from the world.

Worst of all, I dreaded the long haul back to the cashier to claim my winnings. What if an employee walked up to inform me this was all a big a mistake? What if my sweaty palms erased the proof on the slip?

What if this was all just a dream? I knew I would not breathe again until I was safely cashed out.

Yesterday morning as I sat on my cold bathroom floor, I revisited those two days of gambling. My head was still spinning from Thursday’s questionable pregnancy test. For two minutes, I sat with my eyes closed, imagining the slot machine wheels spinning and spinning, as I hoped for a set of three. It reminded me of these past months of hoping for a pair of pink lines.

However, this month, part of me felt as if I am just destined for line solidarity on pregnancy tests. So I decided to mix it up.

And this month, took matters into my own hands…

I may not have 2 lines, but I have these two sticks…

And I feel like the luckiest gambler in the world.

Perhaps in 9 months, I’ll start to breath again.

Post title- Saying from William Bolitho

This was really the only way I could fly: drugged and muted.  The stewardess didn’t even bother to offer me a beverage.  I stood up with my head bent forward, ducking below the overhead compartments, and inched my way into the line of passengers in the center isle. With each step, I grasped the back of an unoccupied seat, struggling to find my balance. After a dozen steps, I finally reached the front of the aircraft and stopped to face the exit door.  The searing summer heat shook me to sobriety, and my eyes stung from the blazing afternoon sun.  Beside me, a pilot’s voice mumbled, “Enjoy your stay in San Diego.”

The sunlight here was different from the sunlight back home in Florida. Although it was roughly the same temperature, the air was drier, and my tank top did not stick to me.  The shadows cast from the tall palm trees seemed strangely unfamiliar. Perhaps the fronds were a different species. Late afternoon hues along the pavement even appeared foreign, from another world.

My luggage made its way around the baggage carousel, and I yanked each suitcase off with fervor.

“One. Two. Three bags.” I thought doing a mental count.

I turned around and swiftly maneuvered my rolling baggage behind me. Weaving in and out of the congested arteries of the terminal- a dense network of blonde hair and tanned skin scattering off in different directions- I was clearly a foreign body.  The wandering stares at my high-cheek bones and pin-straight black hair offered a self-conscious diagnosis that I did not belong.  But more pressing concerns sped the pace of my feet, nearly as quickly as my thoughts.  Anxiety. Fear. Determination. All pulsated against my frontal cortex.  With each step, each heartbeat, each breath, the uncertainty of a temporary work assignment for next three months seemed too heavy to bear. No car. No map. Not a friend within three time zones. This was not part of the itinerary.

Steps away from the exit, my stomach overturned as I whispered softly beneath my breath, “What the hell am I doing?”

But a blast of 100F degree heat from the sliding automatic doors focused my thoughts, as if they were curtains pulled aside to expose a new life.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–
Somehow I knew, that on that day, my life would never be the same.  However, I would have never imagined what I would discover during that “temporary” work assignment.  Despite living alone out of a few suitcases, with a horrible job, and not knowing a soul, I somehow found Dadisodes.

Years ago we would lie about how we met, back when meeting someone online was deemed taboo, too dangerous, and merely for the eccentric internet user. I can guarantee that we are both fairly normal individuals.  And I have no regrets taking the dive to meet him in person on a whim. Even though I was only to be there for a few weeks, I took a chance.  I thought my chance was up when he ended of our first date with a handshake, but with a stroke of luck, all the odds were in my favor, and another date followed.  Turns out, he was just a gentleman.

And never in a million years would I have imagined the life that I have now.  Back all the way across the country, along yet another adventure.  Only this time, we’re on it together…

…with an incredible little girl just. like. us.

Happy Anniversary, hon.  Perhaps one day we can go on that honeymoon.  With real palm trees and all.

(Our post wedding surprise from my bridesmaid)

PS. Our anniversary is actually tomorrow, but I’m posting this early, since I may be a bit…um…er… biz-ay tomorrow *wink- wink, nudge-nudge*   Yea, maybe I’m not all that normal.   See our wedding pics here.

Oh, and PLEASE vote for me here. I need your votes!

I hope I’m not giving any readers the impression that I’m just a self-centered, boring lady with nothing left to write about but mind numbing, random facts about herself to get through this long month of NaBloPoMo.

One day I will have something very poignant to say here (maybe). But today, I’m turning in my Meme of Fours (my sixth tag this month!), assigned to me by Manisha at Indian Food Rocks (stop by her blog, she really rocks the Indian food, and much more).

4 Places I’ve lived:

1- Miami, FL- in a very, very suburban town, but is now a crowded concrete jungle with a possible 1% English speaking population.

2- Los Angeles, CA- moved out there briefly to be with a guy (very loser-ish). Didn’t work out, so I moved south….

3- San Diego, CA- to here. A city that is not my cup of tea, but I stayed because I met my husband there.

4- South Beach, FL- yes, the infamous 24/7 party area of Miami Beach that stretches a few dozen blocks. I lived there for about 1 year, and never caught a wink of sleep the entire time. Probably my favorite address, ever.

4 Jobs I’ve had:
1- Model

2- Registered Nurse

3- Traveling Registered Nurse (sweet gig)

4- Entrepreneur

4 Jobs I wish I had (not part of the meme but Manisha included, so I will too):
1- A well paying one

2- A non-stressful one

3- One that did not consume many, many hours in the day.

4- I’d also settle for – Godiva chocolate tester

4 places I’ve holidayed:
1- Palm Springs, CA- lots of desert sand. Not much else.

2- Las Vegas, NV- Always a great time here. Sadly on one of my birthdays, I gambled for the first time on slot machine at the Venetian hotel. Chose $1 slots with a Mercedes Benz parked above the machines as the grand prize (or $60,000). Lost $150 within a few minutes. Walked away. Five minutes later, someone else won the Mercedes on my slot machine, and they lowered the car for the winner…

3- Rosarito, Mexico- New Year’s Eve. A bit self-conscious most of the trip. I didn’t exactly blend in.

4- Hong Kong, China- I’m sure I blended in here. But I was young, and have little recollection.

4 Favorite foods:
1- Anything with cream cheese

2- Anything with rice

3- Anything with chocolate

4- Anything with noodles

4 Places I’d rather be:
1- Sleeping,….in a big, plush king size bed. All to myself.

2- Vegging out in a penthouse suite, ordering anything I want from room service.

3- Tanning on the beach of a warm, tropical island (any island, I’m not picky).

4- Disney World! Seriously. I haven’t been there in many years.

4 Bloggers I like to pass this meme onto:
1- Him

2- Her

3- You

4- And EVERYONE who wants to do it

Anything else you want to know?

Ask your burning questions in the Comments section and I’ll answer them in another post