Submitted for AngelGal’s Realm’s Mother’s Day Contest: Favorite Memory of Mom

My mother is the typical Asian mom. Growing up there were no hugs, kisses, or “I love you’s”. They just didn’t exist. They were never part of her world growing up in rural China. With only bare necessities to live, and little to resources in a tiny village, I’m guessing the culture and lifestyle didn’t leave much room for those things. So in turn, my upbringing was often void of emotional or physical affection. Even until this day, my mom expresses her compassion purely through actions.

At the end of my first week in kindergarten, I walked over to my mom in the kitchen and handed her a piece of paper. The yellow page was a notice listing all the supplies and requirements students in my class needed to have ready by the end of the week. I kept it hidden in my Care Bear folder with the intent of showing it her, but she was never home when I arrived home from school. Subconsciously, I think I neglected to show her to spare her from being upset about all the expenses for school. Every expense was a burden, and she always let us know it. So instead, she complained bitterly about me not bringing the list to her sooner. I remember lying in bed that night, crying softly into my pillow so my mom wouldn’t hear me. No one was allowed to close their bedroom door, so I buried myself under my covers and soaked my pillow in muffled cries. I knew that just outside of the room were my disappointed mom, and a brand new backpack…empty. I envisioned myself walking into a classroom full of children, each one with fully stocked pencil boxes and desks, and mine being empty.

I tossed and turned for hours, but finally fell asleep staring out my bedroom window. I remember looking up at the night sky and saying to my then 5-year old self, “I wish I didn’t have to go to school ever again.”

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